Promise
by Lady Revan
Summary: Star Wars: KOTOR, LSF Revan and Carth: With a week and a half before arriving at the Star Forge, Carth beings to follow through on his promise to protect Revan. Spoilers if you haven't finished playing or are unfamiliar with the game. COMPLETE!
1. Escaping Korriban

**Chapter One: Escaping Korriban**

* * *

"MOVE IT!" 

Canderous's voice rang through the Ebon Hawk has he charged up the ramp. Mission, who had been waiting at the top, let out a squeak and jumped backwards. Canderous rushed up the ramp and kept on going. He had something in his arms… Mission didn't have time to look at what it was; More hurried footsteps were coming up the ramp.

"GET THOSE ENGINES STARTED, CARTH! LET'S GET OFF THIS ROCK!"

Mission turned and saw as Carth reached the top of the ramp. He hit the button and the ramp began to retract. Then he was off for the cockpit.

"Where's Revan?" Mission cried.

Carth didn't answer her.

Mission figured she had a better chance of getting an answer from Canderous than she did Carth. She headed in the direction Canderous ran. "Canderous!" she cried. "Where's Revan? What happened at that Academy?"

Mission was suddenly tossed to the side and banged her shoulder on the hall wall. Carth got those engines started, all right. And he was trying to take off in a hurry, apparently.

The sound of panicked voices was coming from the room Bastila and Revan shared. Mission headed for the small room. Everyone—Canderous, Jolee, Juhani, Zaalbar—was inside, making the room even smaller than it was. Mission pushed her way between Jolee and Zaalbar, then let out a gasp. Revan was lying on the bed, unconscious, her hair frazzled, her black robes covered in blood. "What happened?" Mission softly asked.

"She's alive," Jolee assured. "She's just exhausted."

"Is there something you can do!" Mission cried. "What happened to her? What happened at that Sith Academy!"

"Revan killed the head master," Canderous answered. "The entire place turned on us."

That's when Mission noticed the blood stains on Canderous's armor. She let out a faint gasp.

"Carth and I were in one part of the Academy. We managed to blast our way through. But Revan… she was by herself. She had to fight them all the way from the tombs, through the back entrance of the Academy, to where we were." Canderous looked at Revan with a look of amazement on his face. "Damn, she's one Force of a fighter."

"What happened then?" Juhani asked.

"She took one look at me and Carth, asked if we were okay, then collapsed. I caught her before she hit her head on the stone floor." Canderous shook his head. "She got the last of the Star Forge coordinates, though. We made a run for it before the Sith realized we were the ones who caused the uproar at the Academy."

Mission was still worried. "Is she going to be all right?"

"She'll be fine," Jolee assured. "She just needs some rest. And all of us hangin' out in here isn't exactly what she needs."

Canderous grunted and was the first to head for the exit muttering something about changing out of his armor. Juhani left next, followed by Jolee. "C'mon, kid," Jolee said to Mission.

Mission looked up at Zaalbar, then at Jolee. Her headtails drooped and she looked as if she was going to cry. "I… I wanna stay here, in case she wakes up and needs anything, you know?"

Jolee nodded, then walked away.

Zaalbar asked if Mission wanted him to stay. "Please?" Mission asked. Zaalbar sat down on the bed Bastila had been using, while Mission knelt down next to Revan's bed and took her friend's hand. "Revan?" she softly said. "Revan, I dunno if you can hear me, but… but I'm here. If you need anything just… just lemme know. Okay?"

Revan didn't move or say anything. Mission didn't except her to. She looked at the blood stains on Revan's robe. The least Juhani could have done was change Revan into a fresh set of robes to make Revan more comfortable. Mission got up and opened up the footlocker at the end of Revan's bed, staring at the various robes. Blue? Brown? Another black one? _Like it would really matter_, Mission thought with a sigh. She grabbed a plain brown robe, and with Zaalbar's help, Mission managed to get the outer, bloodstained black robe and gloves off of Revan and placed a clean, brown robe on her. She tossed the stained robes in the dirty laundry bin, and went back to holding her friend's hand. "You feel better now, Rev?" Mission asked. "Now you're outta those smelly old things."

Revan lay still.

A few hours has passed. The entire ship was quiet except for the humming of the engines. Mission drifted in and out of a light sleep, every so often asking Revan if she was okay. Revan never replied though. Still, Mission kept asking. Mission had just fallen asleep when Revan squeezed Mission's hand. 

"Revan!" Mission asked. She immediately sat up and looked at her friend. "Revan, are you okay? Can you hear me?"

Revan whispered something, but Mission couldn't hear her. She leaned in closer…

Mission gave Revan's hand a squeeze. "I'll be right back. I promise."

* * *

Jolee shook his head in disapproval. "So you're just going to stand around and sulk for the next week and a half?" 

Carth finished his drink and went for a second. He had entered the coordinates to the Star Forge into the computer, set the ship to auto pilot, and changed out of his blood-stained armor back into his flight pants and a black sweater he purchased on Dantooine. Carth was exhausted from Korriban, too. He was working on his fifth cup of caffa, wondering if maybe he should have gone to bed instead. Then he wouldn't have to listen to Jolee tell him things he already knew.

"Nothing's changed, son," Jolee tried again.

"Everything's changed!" Carth answered.

Jolee crossed his arms. "Revan just reunited you with your boy, and she convinced him to turn away from the Dark Side. She nearly got herself killed trying to get the remaining piece of the Star Map. And according to Canderous—"

Dammit all to hell, Carth thought. Was it always going to come back to Canderous? "It's different now," Carth said.

"How in the name of the Force is it different?" Jolee asked. "For the past few months, the two of you were inseparable. You even began to trust her. Now you're here drinkin' caffa instead of being by her side while she's recovering." He shook his head again.

"I yelled at her—screamed at her for everything Darth Revan did to my people," Carth forced out. He ran his fingers through his hair. "And after everything she did for Dustil… for me… I… I can't face her."

"You made a promise to that girl!" Jolee snapped. "You promised her you'd always be there for her; I was there when you made it! So just go in there and apologize!"

"I can't apologize for what I said, Jolee!" Carth shook his head. No one could understand. All Carth could think about was the promise he'd made to her… the promise that he'd protect her. But in the Academy… when she fainted… it was Canderous that caught her. Carth didn't act fast enough…

"Did it ever occur to you that she might forgive you?" Jolee asked. "Hell, it took everyone by surprise! Everyone's dealing with the news differently and in their own way. She knows that. She's not Revan anymore, Carth. She is capable of independant thought. The Jedi wiped her mind and gave her a new name; they didn't re-write her morals."

Carth shook his head. He couldn't. He... he just couldn't...

"Life's too short, boy!" Jolee said. "Just go in there and apologize to her. Damn stubborn pilot!"

"Oh, come off it, Old Man!" Carth cried. "The whole reason she's beating herself up is because of what I said to her! She hardly said two words to me the entire time we were on Korriban. In fact, the only time we did talk is when we were looking for Dustil." Carth turned around and slammed his caffa cup down on the counter of the kitchen and closed his eyes. "I know she used to be the Dark Lord, and I know she's not that now. She's... she's changed; I know that now. I didn't see it... before. I was just so angry..." Carth sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. His voice grew quiet. "Even if she does forgive me, she'll never forget. And I'll never forgive myself."

Jolee waited a few seconds before asking, "So now what? You just going to ignore her? It'll take us a week and a half to get to the Star Forge. We're stuck on this ship until then. You plan on locking yourself in the cockpit the entire time?"

Carth shook his head. "I… I dunno. I just…"

"She needs you! This mission isn't over!" Jolee snapped. "Who knows what's waiting for us out there. And you can bet every last credit that this isn't over for Revan. You think Malak's just going to let her stop him? What if he tries to seduce her back to being a the Dark Lord again? What if she tries to seduce herself? I don't think you fully realize just how big—" Jolee stopped and snorted. "Bah, my words are just fallin' on deaf ears."

Carth was ready to explode. "I said I'd be there for her, but I wasn't!" he snapped. "When she passed out, I didn't act fast enough. It was Canderous who caught her. It was Canderous that held her and told her she was going to be okay. It was Canderous who carried her back to the Hawk, and it was Canderous that made her comfortable once we got back. Dammit, it should have been me! I promised her, and when she needed me, I wasn't there for her! It should have been me!" Carth kicked the side of the table.

Silence filled the kitchen.

"Carth?" came a tiny voice.

Jolee and Carth turned around to see Mission standing in the doorway. "What's up, Mission?" Carth asked.

Mission gulped. "Uh… Revan's awake."

"Is she okay?" Carth asked, full of concern.

"She's asking for you," Mission answered. "Big Z's with her now, but… she really wants you."

After everything he had said, everything he had done, Revan still wanted him. Carth felt even worse.

"So go to her, boy!" Jolee cried. "Go!"

"Jolee, what… what am I suppose to say to her?"

"Try 'Hello'," he snapped. "It's worked for centuries."

"Jolee, I—"

"You made a promise to her," Jolee said. "You can't back out on it now, boy. Don't make me push you out of here, because you know I can do it."

Carth took a deep breath, then exited the kitchen. Jolee was right about everything, and Carth knew it.

Mission watched Carth leave. What in the name of the Force had she missed? "Looks like someone flushed his last fish," Mission said.

Jolee placed a hand on Mission's shoulder. "How's she doing?"

"Not good," Mission answered. "She's still exhausted. I'm, I'm worried about her."

Jolee smiled. "You're a good friend to her, Mission. She's very lucky."

"I should go back—"

Jolee shook his head. "No, no, I think Carth can handle this on his own."

Mission looked up at Jolee. "I thought they weren't talking?"

Jolee just smiled. "I think they'll be talking after this."

* * *

Carth entered Revan's quarters. He took her hand and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm here, Revan." 

Revan's eyes opened slightly. She winced at the bright lights, then closed her eyes again. "Carth?" she whispered.

He squeezed her hand. "I'm here."

"Carth?"

"I'm right here, Revan," he said again. With his free hand he reached over and gently brushed her hair away from her face. "I'm right here." Carth was so focused on making sure Revan knew he was there that he didn't see Zaalbar get up and leave the room, closing the door behind him. When Carth brought his hand to cup her cheek, she turned her head slightly so her cheek rested against his palm and wrist. Her cheeks were as cold as ice.

"Carth," she whispered again, but this time it wasn't in question. She was no longer searching for him; she knew he was there.

"I'm right here, Beautiful," he whispered.

Revan smiled.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"… am… now," she whispered. "I… am now."

Carth smiled, then his smile fell. Maybe… maybe Jolee was right. Maybe he needed to apologize to her… He'd said awful things to her… Horrible things. She didn't deserve them. Darth Revan deserved them… but not her. They were two different people; he could see that now. Why couldn't've he seen that before? Carth closed his eyes and wished he could take back his earlier words to her.

Revan let out a soft moan. "How are you feeling?" Carth asked.

"Terrible," she whispered. "Everything… hurts."

"You pushed yourself to your limit," Carth said. "And then some. I've never seen you fight like that before. You were amazing."

Revan didn't say anything.

"You want me to get Jolee?" Carth asked. "Or Juhani? Maybe they can help with some Force Heal-thing—"

"No," she said, her voice still quiet and full of pain. "No, I… just… need you… here."

Carth closed his eyes again. He needed to tell her he was sorry. He needed to apologize… A voice in the back of his head told him to just do it, just come out and say it. Revan was reaching out to him… She still needed him… He could still follow through on his promise to her.

"Revan? Revan, I'm sorry for everything I said to you," Carth said. "You... you didn't deserve..."

Revan said nothing.

Carth searched for something to say, some way to put into words what he was feeling. "I can't hate you," he said. "I tried... I wanted to hold you responsible for all the things you've done. For my... for my wife, for Telos... for Dustil. But I can't."

Revan smiled. "I'm glad to hear that."

Carth smiled slightly. "I got the revenge I always wanted when Saul died, but it hasn't brought me the peace that I thought it would. All I can think of now is the promise I made to protect you from what's going to come. It's given me a reason to look past simple revenge."

Revan just lay there, listening.

Carth tried again, thinking about what Jolee had said. "Despite whatever part of Revan is inside you, the... the darkness that must surely be there, it isn't who you are. That's why I can't hate you, why I don't want any more revenge. You don't have to be Revan; you can be so much more. Whatever the Jedi did to you, they gave you that chance."

Revan's eyes opened slightly. She looked up at Carth.

"You have this huge destiny waiting for you," Carth said, "and I just fear that if you're alone it could swallow you whole. I mean, is there room in there for me? Will you let me help you?"

Were those tears in Revan's eyes? "I don't want you hurt protecting me, Carth."

Carth brushed her tears away with his thumb. "I think I would be hurt worse if I didn't try."

"Carth—"

He interrupted her, remembering Jolee's earlier words again. "Whatever's happened up until this point, there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back."

Revan looked at Carth, studying his face. "How… How could you possibly help me?"

It hurt, but she had a point. Carth looked into her eyes. "I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."

"And if I make the wrong choice?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Carth wiped away another tear from her face. "Well then, I hope I can save you. From yourself."

"Carth, I—"

"You gave me a future," he continued, the realization suddenly dawning on him. "I want to give you a future, too... with me. I think I could love you, if you give me the chance."

Revan's eyes filled with tears. "I… I think I could love you, too."

Carth smiled and kissed the top of her hand. "I'm glad."

"Carth?"

"Yes, Beautiful?" He wiped away more tears.

"Can… Can…" She shook her head.

"Tell me," he said, pulling her blanket up and tucking it around her.

Her eyes were filled with tears again. "Can you hold me?"

Carth smiled. He kicked his boots off, then turned so his back was against the headboard of the bed. With his help, Revan sat up and pillowed her head on his shoulder. Carth wrapped the blankets around her, then his arms. He kissed the top of her head. "Get some rest, Beautiful. I'll be right here."

More tears trickled down her face. "Shhh," he whispered. "Get some sleep."

Revan sniffled a few more times before she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Despite drinking five cups of caffa, Carth kept his promise and stayed with her the entire time she slept, holding her tight, making sure she was okay. Carth eventually drifted off to sleep himself, holding her. They slept undisturbed by the rest of the crew, by the rest of the universe…

* * *

_Disclaimer: Characters all copyright 2003 LucasArts and BioWare. __Parts of Carth's dialogue copyrighted 2003 LucasArts and BioWare. I do not own anything but the plotline. Then again, if you believe Shakespeare when he said, "There are only six plotline, and everything is a varation," then I don't own anything. Please don't copy my work, though. That just wouldn't be nice.  
_


	2. Dreams

**Chapter Two: Dreams**

**

* * *

**Revan slept in Carth's arms. She kept trembling, shaking, and whimpering in her sleep. Whatever she was dreaming couldn't be pleasant, Carth thought. He'd seen her like this on Taris, and he watched in concern then, not doing anything for he didn't know her or how to help. Even now that he knew her better, that he told her he could love her if given the chance, Carth still could do nothing but watch her suffer and attempt to calm her down. He didn't sleep at all as half of his time was spent whispering soothing phrases in an attempt to settle her down. The rest of his time was spent trying to find another position on the already uncomfortable bed.

Carth's back was pressed against the wall of the bed's alcove, and his tailbone had gone numb hours ago. His long legs stretched out on the mattress, and blood was having a hard time flowing to his toes. He kept bending his knees, then straightening out his legs like he was performing some kind of lazy exercise. Every time he bent his knees, his kneecaps popped. Carth would then straighten his legs out again and curl his toes. The knuckles in his toes and feet then would snap and crack. He really needed to get up and stretch his legs, but instead he sat, holding Revan. He looked down at her. "The things I do for you," he whispered.

Revan jumped in her sleep again and began to tremble.

"Shhh, it's okay, Beautiful," he softly chuckled. "I didn't mean it."

Her face twitched, and her body shook. Maybe the images of Korriban were coming back to haunt her dreams, Carth thought. Korriban was horrible, and she had tossed and turned in her sleep in the Sith Academy the night before her final test. Carth would have soothed her, but he was still too upset and hadn't come to terms with what had been done to her and how it affected him. He was being selfish. He wasn't trying to help like Mission or Jolee or—

Carth sighed. He'd been over this with Jolee. He apologized to Revan for his attitude. He needed to stop dwelling on his previous actions and move forward.

Revan let out a faint whimper. Carth rested his cheek against the top of her head, and rubbed his hands up and down her spine and arms. The smell of the Sith planet still lingered in the strands of Revan's hair, masking the scent of the shampoo she used. Not that Carth went around smelling people's hair. He remembered the scent because when she purchased it on Dantooine, she had shoved it under his nose asking what he thought. He told her it was girly and to ask Bastila. She called him a Hairless Wookie, and bought the shampoo just to spite him. Carth smiled at the memory. That's when things were calm… before they were sent on a quest to find Star Maps… before anyone knew she was Revan… back when she was simply Liana, a scout with the potential of becoming a Jedi…

Revan jumped in her sleep, her head butting up against Carth's chin.

"It's okay, Revan," Carth said. "I've got you. Everything's okay."

Revan twitched and let out another cry.

"I wish I knew what you were dreaming, Beautiful," Carth sighed. Then again, maybe he didn't.

* * *

_"Leave him alone!" she screamed through the torture cages. The Admiral was having too much evil, sadistic fun watching Carth shake and scream in pain. Tears flowed down her face as she helplessly watched Carth. "STOP IT!"_

_"Then tell me of your mission!" Admiral Saul Karath demanded. "Tell me what you're doing here and I'll do as you say."_

_"Don't do it, Liana!" Carth said. "My pain is meaningless! Don't tell him anything!"_

_Saul smiled at her. "Tell me… Liana," he said, pausing before stating her name. "Tell me what I wish to know… what Lord Malak wishes to know… and Carth will feel no more… physical pain."_

_"No, Liana! Don't!"_

_Liana stuttered. "I… I can't… I—"_

_Carth let out another cry of sheer pain._

_"STOP IT!" she screamed again. "Leave him alone! He hasn't done anything!"_

_All the Jedi training, the power of the Force at her fingertips, and there was nothing Liana Suul could do. She fell to her knees, sobbing. She'd faced the horrors of Kashyyyk, the terror of the Krayt dragon, and the fierceness of Manaan's ocean floor without once feeling scared. But Liana wasn't in control now. The Admiral could kill Carth if this kept up. And there wasn't a damn thing Liana could do. She couldn't betray the Republic, the Jedi…_

_"Tell me why you were on Tatoonie!" Saul demanded overtop of Carth's cries. "Tell me where you were headed next! What mission does the Jedi Council have you on? TELL ME!"_

_The palms of her hands were flat on the floor of the torture cell. Liana shook her head back and forth. "I… can't…"_

_Carth's screaming increased. She winced, his screams ringing through her mind. His cries were stabbing her, and she begged desperately for Saul to stop. Carth's pain was worse than anything Saul could have physically done to her. Liana pleaded for Saul to let Carth go and to turn the cage on her instead._

_"I grow tired of this," Saul sighed, as if he had been watching the paint dry on the hull of the ship. He waved his hand and the guard turned off the torture device. Liana heard Carth collapse to the floor of his torture cell. Although the room was silent, she could still hear his screams echoing in her mind. Saul said something about Lord Malak, but she wasn't listening. She was too busy crying for what happened to Carth, for not being in control, for not being able to stop it, for putting him though that… Carth had warned her about Saul, but she hadn't truly believed it. Liana felt her anger and hate boiling inside of her, then automatically recited the Jedi code before she realized what she was doing._

_Saul approached her cage. "Have you anything else to say… Liana? Anything at all before Lord Malak arrives? Speak now, for Lord Malak will not hesitate to kill your friends in order to gain the information he desires."_

_"You're an evil man, Saul," Liana whispered, staring at the floor of the torture chamber. She closed her eyes and tried to feel Carth through the Force. He was alive… or was he? She was receiving conflicting feelings and couldn't understand why._

_A voice cackled, sending a chill down her spine. "Evil, Liana? You've forgotten what evil is. Or have you?"_

_That wasn't Saul's voice. It was… hers. She looked up._

_Her own face looked back. Her own face, her own body, wearing long, black robes with a leather chest plate, a black cape, and a black hood._

_Darth Revan._

_Liana gasped, words escaping her._

_Darth Revan's face was gray, the color completely drained, except for glowing yellow eyes. Veins budged out from the sides of Darth Revan's face. Darth Revan didn't look happy. She looked down-right terrifying. Liana had never seen anyone so freighting before… and it was her own face she was looking at…_

_"Do you need a demonstration to remember what evil is, Liana?" Darth Revan said her name like it was a type of foul disease._

_Liana let out a gasp. "No," she faintly said. "No, don't."_

_Darth Revan raised her hand._

_Carth was lifted off the ground of his torture chamber, grabbing his neck, gagging, desperately trying to somehow get air into his lungs. His legs twitched and wiggled. His face contorted in ways she didn't know where possible. Darth Revan was going to kill him!_

_"NO!" Liana cried. "STOP IT! STOP! STOP!"_

_Darth Revan cackled._

_"NO!" she screamed louder. Tears streamed down her face. Carth was turning blue, his neck muscles pushed inwards as if an invisible hand was crushing his windpipe. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!"_

_Darth Revan continued her torture, twisting her hand and ever-so-slowly bending her fingers into a fist. With each slow, agonizing movement, Carth's body responded. She could see the veins in his legs, arms, and face bulging, threatening to explode._

_"CARTH!" Liana sobbed. "Lord Revan, STOP! I'll tell you what you want! Don't kill him! PLEASE!"_

_Darth Revan clenched her fist._

_Carth's neck snapped._

_His lifeless body crashed to the floor._

_Liana screamed._

_

* * *

_

"Revan, wake up!" Carth snapped, physically shaking her. "Revan!" he said again, more forcefully that time. He turned in the bed so his hands were on her shoulders. "C'mon, wake up!"

Revan's bright eyes finally snapped open. She gasped for air, her heart racing. Revan blinked rapidly, her eyes scanning the room, like she was trying to figure out where she was.

"Are you all right?" Carth asked, panicked.

Revan's bright eyes targeted his. She blinked a few times, disbelief and shock showing on her face. She stared at him as if she were trying to study his face, almost as if she didn't know who he was. Carth felt uneasy under her stare. Did she know where she was? Who he was? Was she having a memory lapse? Carth wasn't exactly up-to-date when it came to Force-induced memory wipes. "Revan?" he hesitantly asked.

"C-Carth?" she softly asked.

He slowly nodded. "It's me, Rev."

"Carth!" Revan cried, then flung herself into his arms, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, buried her head where his neck met his shoulders.

For a second, Carth froze. He'd never seen her like this, not even on Taris when things seemed their worst, and for a moment wasn't sure what to do. He gently wrapped his arms around her, but his hold tightened when he felt her warm tears trickle down his neck.

"I got you," he whispered. "Shhh…"

The former Dark Lord of the Sith had woken up from a nightmare and was clinging to him for comfort. Carth took a few moments to wrap his head around it.

"Did someone scream?"

Carth jumped and turned his head to see Jolee rushing into the room. Jolee looked back at Carth, then at the trembling Revan. "Is she okay?" Jolee asked, his voice hushed.

Carth looked at Jolee, his facial expression reading, 'I don't know.'

Jolee gently touched Revan's head. Carth thought maybe he was offering comfort, but when Jolee closed his eyes, Carth wasn't so sure. Was he reaching out to the Force to see what had Revan so distraught? Revan's body slowly relaxed in Carth's arms. When Jolee opened his eyes again, they were filled with sorrow. He removed his hand from Revan's head. Whatever Jolee had done, if anything, Revan now seemed to have settled down, her crying becoming softer.

"Who was screaming!" Mission ran into the room, Zaalbar at her heels. She let out a faint gasp. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"Just a bad dream," Jolee assured, looking down at Revan.

Mission bit her lip. "Looks more than that," she whispered.

Jolee looked at Mission, searching for something to tell the teenage Twi'lek. "The Force… enhanced it."

Mission frowned. "Sucks to be a Jedi."

Zaalbar placed a furry hand on his friends shoulder and suggested they leave Revan and Carth alone. Mission nodded. "Carth? If, if you need anything, lemme know, 'kay?"

Carth nodded. "I will, Mission."

Zaalbar nudged his friend out of Revan's room. In the distance, Carth could hear Juhani and Canderous in the common room, asking what was going on.

"Take care of her, son," Jolee said. He exited the room and closed the door.

Carth cradled Revan in his arms. Crying was never an adjective that was used when talking about Revan. Even when she discovered what the Jedi council had done to her, wiping her memory at an attempt to destroy the Darth Revan identity did she cry. Then again, if she had Carth hadn't noticed. He was too busy dwelling in his own anger to notice how she had been affected, to tell the truth. He was too busy screaming at her in front of everyone else, blaming her for everything that happened to his wife, his son, and Telos to really see things from her perspective. He was too busy avoiding her and ignoring her to really judge how she had taken the news.

Revan released her hold on Carth's neck and sat sideways in his lap. Revan's head rested on his shoulder, her legs across his. She wrapped her arms around his waist as if Carth were a giant stuffed animal she was hugging for comfort. They sat there together in silence for a few minutes, Revan's sniffles decreasing and her body relaxing.

"You all right?" Carth finally asked. He gently stroked her hair. Revan's hair had fallen out of its ponytail, the thick strands either falling around her face or frizzing at an angle, looking like she hadn't combed her hair in years. Lines of pain and exhaustion etched her face. Revan was a complete mess, but to Carth she was beautiful.

Revan sniffed and tried to fluff up his shoulder with her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"What's there to be sorry about?" Carth asked. He tucked a few wild strands of hair behind her ear so he could see her face better. Revan's eyes were red and bloodshot from all the crying. She just looked so… tired.

Her answer was one word: "Everything."

"What do you mean by everything?" Carth asked.

Revan closed her eyes again. Carth felt her muscles tense. He placed his thumb and index finger on her chin and raised her head so she was facing him. "Look at me, Rev," he softly said. "Tell me what you dreamed about."

He saw the pain return to her face. She didn't open her eyes; she just turned away. "It… It was nothing."

"You let out a nice scream," Carth tried. "Woke everyone up. Jolee, Mission, and Zaalbar came runnin' in here to see if you were okay."

Revan looked back at Carth. "I, I screamed?"

Carth nodded. "Didn't you hear when they came running in?"

Revan shook her head. "No… No, I, I didn't. I, I felt Jolee's presence, but… He was here?"

Carth stroked her hair again and nodded.

Revan sighed and closed her eyes. "Carth, I… I…" She sighed again and leaned her head against his shoulder.

Carth gave her a gentle squeeze and silently held her. Minutes passed before Carth spoke up again. "How about this," he softly said. "How about you go take a nice, hot shower in the refresher? I'll go into the kitchen and see if I can find something to munch on. When you're done with your shower, you come meet me in the kitchen, okay? Then we can talk."

"Okay," Revan said. Then she looked at him. "Talk about what?"

"You really are out of it, aren't'cha Beautiful?" Carth softly laughed. "Talk to me about this dream you had."

Revan shook her head. "It, it was nothing…"

"Don't lie to me, Rev," he said in a no-nonsense tone.

She closed her eyes. "I'm, I'm sorry. It… It just…"

Carth smiled and before he realized what he was doing, he gently kissed the top of her forehead. "Go take your shower," he said, letting go of her. "I'll meet you in the kitchen when you're done."

Revan nodded and crawled off his lap, heading for the refresher. When she was gone, Carth leaned his head against the wall, closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a few minutes to just sit there in peace, then got up off the bed and exited the room.


	3. Helpless

**Chapter Three: Helpless  
**

**

* * *

**The water to Revan's shower had shut off nearly five minutes ago, but there was still no sign of her. Carth had been waiting in the common room for her to come join him for some tea and snack cakes, and in the process drifted in and out of a light sleep. After ten minutes had passed since Revan's shower ended, he decided to go looking for her. Had she fallen back asleep after the shower? Carth walked down the hall towards her quarters and knocked on the door. "Revan?" he asked. "Revan, you awake?"

Silence.

Carth gently opened the door and poked his nose inside. "Revan?"

He found Revan collapsed on the floor, softly sobbing.

"Blasted!" he softly cursed as he quickly entered the room and closed and locked the door behind him.

Revan must have collapsed right after emerging from her shower. She lay on her left side on the cold, metal floor naked, her towel barely covering her. Judging by the way the towel lay across her body and the clean clothes on her bed, she must have been in the process of getting dressed when she collapsed. Revan's long hair was still wet and clung to her body. Carth could see her shivering in between her soft sobs. He grabbed the wool blanket off the bed Bastila once used and draped it over Revan's naked body. He tried as hard as he could to keep Revan's dignity in tact as he helped her sit up. Carth tossed the towel off to the side and wrapped her tight in the blanket. He sat on the ground, leaned his back against the frame of Revan's bed, and once again cradled her in his arms. This was slowly becoming a reoccurring theme. The cynic in him wondered if every hour on the hour Revan was going to turn the waterworks on. Then again, he didn't know any who had their entire world turned upside-down due to a Force mind wipe. Maybe hysterics is how people dealt with it? He could only imagine, and hope that it never happened to him.

Revan shivered in his arms. He held her tighter. "What happened?" Carth asked, his voice filled with infinite sadness. "Talk to me, Rev."

"Carth," she softly cried. "It was so real… So real…"

"What was real, Beautiful?" he asked, tucking her head underneath his chin.

"I… I was on… the Star Forge," she forced out. "I was… was there. And Malak… Carth, I was Revan… I, I…"

Carth brushed strands of wet hair away from her face and tucked them behind her ear. "You had another Force Vision, didn't you?"

"I've never been so scared," she whispered.

"You've had Force Visions before," he said.

Revan squeezed her eyes shut. "But ever since Malak told me I was Revan, they've gotten worse."

Carth almost uttered a sarcastic phrase, but bit his tongue. She didn't need that now. "Talk to me, Revan," he said instead, his tone tender and full of concern. He cupped the side of her face and mindlessly massaged her temple with his thumb. "Tell me what happened."

Revan searched for the right words, then gave up and said what came to mind. "I was Revan… I, I could see what she saw; I could touch what she touched. I… I could feel the Star Forge." Carth wiped away her tears with his thumb. She slowly began to relax. "I just… I just couldn't control… my actions. I could see everything, but I couldn't… couldn't do anything about it."

"Maybe it was more than just a Force Vision," Carth carefully said, his tone grave. "Maybe, maybe it was an old memory."

Revan let out a faint sob. "I don't want to remember! I don't want to know what I did! How could I have been so wicked! How could I have done those things! I would never… never…"

Carth gently rocked her back and forth. "I don't know what to tell you, Beautiful."

"I, I saw her kill someone with Force Lightening through her eyes," Revan blurted out. "It was me… I could never do that… Never… I… I would never…"

"Shhh," Carth soothed.

"I could never hurt you," she continued. "I, I just…"

"You're not going to hurt me," Carth said. "I know what I said before, and I'm sorry—"

"Saul was torturing you." Revan was crying again. "I wouldn't answer… answer his questions…"

"You were protecting the Republic," Carth assured. "That was more important. I'm not angry with you for that, or for anything that happened. I—"

"I screamed for him to stop," she continued. Carth wasn't sure if Revan was even listening to him anymore. "I begged him to stop, Carth. I, I tried… tried so hard… You collapsed and… I thought you were dead…"

Carth didn't remember collapsing while in the torture cell.

"And then she was there," Revan said. "She was there, Carth! She, she choked you… I screamed… I screamed so loud and so hard… But she killed you. She snapped your neck and you fell—I couldn't do anything… I couldn't do anything!"

Revan wasn't talking about the Leviathan anymore. Now Carth wasn't sure if she actually had been talking about the Leviathan in the first place. "Is that what you dreamt earlier? You dreamt that Darth Revan killed me?"

Revan didn't answer. She just sobbed into his shoulder.

This was way out of Carth's league. Revan had been quiet ever since he had yelled at her in front of the entire crew, not saying a word to anyone but Mission and Jolee. And now she was a basket case. Had she been holding everything inside since before they reached Korriban? She was going to drive herself crazy trying to adjust to being the former Dark Lord of the Sith if someone didn't do something. The last thing anyone needed was a hysterical Revan facing Lord Malak. But Carth was helpless.

"I wish there was something I could do, Revan," Carth said. "I wish I could somehow make it all better, to make you forget what you just went through. But Beautiful, I'm no Jedi. I don't know how to help or what to do."

She looked up at him with her tear-filled bright eyes. "You're doing it," she whispered.

Carth smiled. "As wonderful as that is to hear, I really think you need to talk to Jolee. I can hold you while you cry, but I can't help you work through the visions. All I can say is that if these visions are as real as you're saying, it says an awful lot about the person you are now."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Darth Revan never hesitated to kill anyone who stood in her way," Carth answered. "And when you witness first-hand something that she did, it turned you into one, frantic Jedi. You, you keep repeating that you could never do what she did in either vision, whether to someone you didn't know or to the sexless marshtoad that's holding you."

Revan let out a soft laughed and smiled.

Carth smiled back. "If those visions were to teach you a lesson, to test the character of the person you are now, then I think you passed, Gorgeous. But I still think you really, really need to talk to Jolee."

Revan didn't say anything. She just nodded that she knew. Together they sat in silence, Carth still gently holding her, Revan sniffling. She eventually stopped, then pulled the blanket around her even tighter than before.

"What's wrong?" Carth frowned. "Cold?"

Revan blushed. "Embarrassed."

"Over what?"

She sighed. "I… I can't believe you found me naked."

Carth chuckled. "Don't take this the wrong way, Gorgeous, but remember: I was married for a good number of years. I know what women look like. You're just… a variation of a theme."

That caught her attention. "A variation of a theme!" she snapped. "Here you are with a naked woman in your arms, one you've been calling 'Beautiful' since Taris, one who you said you could love and who said she could love you back, and now you're calling her a variation of a theme! Is that all I am to you! Of all the—" She stopped. Carth's grin could have split his face in half. "What!"

He just grinned.

Revan blinked. "You… You just did that on purpose, didn't you?"

Carth winked.

Revan huffed. "That was a dirty trick to get my mind off of things, Onasi."

Carth smiled and kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry, Beautiful. But I couldn't resist."

"I'm very vulnerable right now, ya know," she grumbled, pulling the blanket as tight as she could.

"Would you rather I tell you I enjoyed the view?"

"So you're not a sexless marshtoad after all then?"

Carth blushed. "Well, I, uh…"

Revan giggled.

Carth coughed. "Why don't you get dressed, and then come meet me in the common room? I've still got our drinks and food waiting."

Her face fell. "Oh Carth, I'm so sorry—"

"There's nothing to be sorry for," he assured. "The drinks can be re-heated, and provided Mission hasn't found the snack cakes, they should still be there, too."

Revan smiled. "You're too good to me, flyboy."

"Just get dressed, okay?"

She nodded. "Okay. I'll, I'll be out in a minute."


	4. Forgiveness

**Chapter Four: Forgiveness**

**

* * *

**"Remind me to thank Mission for buying these," Revan said as she finished her second snack cake. "Then remind me to punch her when my robes no longer fit."

Carth snorted. "I'll be sure to." He took another drink of his tea.

Revan reached for her third snack cake and began picking the icing off the top, licking it off her fingers. She sat cross-legged on a chair, sitting at the common room table, Carth sitting next to her. "You can have one, too, ya know," Revan said, pointing to the tray of desserts.

"Nah," he said. "I don't need Mission mad at me, too, when they're all gone."

Revan grinned. "You're the one that pulled them out of the cupboard, so you're just as guilty. You might as well have one."

Carth shook his head. "So you feeling better?"

Revan nodded. "Thank you. Really. I, I didn't thank you before. I, I meant to."

"I know." He reached over and brushed a lock of her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "I've never seen you with your hair down."

Revan smiled. "That's because I was too hungry to braid it."

"Too hungry?"

Revan grinned and licked more icing off her fingers.

Carth chuckled.

"So where is everyone?" Revan asked. "It's like a tomb in here. Even the gizka are quiet."

Did she have to use the word 'tomb'? Carth shook his head. Out of all the planets they had visited on this journey, Korriban would be the one that stuck with him for several reasons. Her adjective to describe the silence of the Hawk sent a brief chill down his spine. He closed his eyes and tried hard to forget the memories of that horrible, cold, Sith planet.

"Carth?" Revan asked.

"Huh?—Oh, they're probably all sleeping, Beautiful," Carth said. "Canderous volunteered to be on cockpit duty, so he's in there, and the only other one who's probably awake right now."

"Is it really that late?" Revan asked.

Carth shrugged. "Not really. You did sleep a good majority of the afternoon and early evening away, so probably why it doesn't seem that late."

"Oh." Revan grew quiet. "It, it didn't seem like I had."

"You were exhausted," Carth said. "The final test Uthar had to do drained you. Then you came back to an academy that turned on you, me, and Canderous. I, I haven't a clue how Canderous and I made it out of there alive, and we were fighting side by side, covering each other the entire time. They just kept coming… And you… you were at a completely different location, fighting by yourself."

Revan barely remembered the battle. "I, I don't know, either."

"You came running into the main hall, looked at me and Canderous and asked if we were okay, then fainted," Carth said. "Canderous was closer; he managed to catch you before you smacked your head on the stone floor."

Revan blinked a few times. She stared at the table and looked deep in thought. "I… I remember that," she whispered. She looked at Carth, uncertain. "You, you sure it was Canderous?"

Carth nodded. "Yeah. He carried you back to the Hawk."

"I remember… pieces," Revan said. "Like… like a Force imprint. Just… feelings and sounds…" Her head suddenly snapped to the side, her bright eyes looking right at Carth. "I, I thought it was you."

Carth shook his head.

"I kept hearing this voice," Revan said, "telling me that I was going to be okay, to hold on. I, I swore it was you."

Sadly, Carth shook his head again.

Revan looked totally baffled. "I kept trying to call to you," she said. She went back to staring at the table. "I kept trying… I remember being at the academy, then back here. I, I remember hearing Mission say something, then you… You were holding my hand…"

Carth nodded. Revan wasn't looking at him, so he said, "Mission sat with you after we got back. She was there for almost an hour."

Then Revan turned to him and asked a question that stabbed painfully at his heart.

"Where were you?"

Carth sighed at looked down at the table. She deserved the truth. She deserved more than that; she deserved someone who trusted her and would without hesitating tell her the truth.

"Revan, the truth is…" He paused and took a deep breath. Mindlessly he traced the rim of his cup with his long, thick index finger while he collected his thoughts. "I was still mad at you while we were on Korriban. That… That's why we didn't talk much, even after we found Dustil and you convinced him to change his ways. I'll, I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you did, and I hate myself for continuing to ignore you afterwards."

Carth closed his eyes again, then whispered forcefully, "The reason… The reason Canderous caught you wasn't because he was closer. I, I was still too upset at you. I saw you come into the main hall and my first thought was, 'Figures she'd be alive; she's a Sith Lord.'" It pained him so much to admit that. But he forced himself to keep going.

"When you collapsed… I, I watched Canderous hold you. I watched him assure you that he had you, that everything was going to be okay. I just kept thinking that it should've be me holding you, not him. When we got back to the Hawk, he carried you to your room so you could rest while I got the engines started. Then… Then I just hid in the cockpit. I couldn't… couldn't face you, couldn't face him. I was so angry at myself and so jealous…"

Revan was still silent. She was so silent it scared him. He still couldn't look at her; there was more he had to tell her. "I went to the kitchen to get something to eat and Jolee was waiting for me. He yelled at me for being an idiot. He, he told me everything that I already felt, already knew was the truth, and it pissed me off even more." Carth sighed. "Then, then Mission came in and said you were awake and were asking for me. You, you know the rest after that."

Carth closed his eyes and hung his head. He remembered the conversation they had once he arrived at her side. She wasn't thinking he was lying to her then, was she? After everything he just told her… "Everything I said to you was the truth, Revan," he said. "I really, really do care about you. I really do believe I could love you if you give me the chance. The fact that I had been so cold to you and you still wanted me to give you comfort, to hold you… that made me feel even worse that I already felt. I couldn't, couldn't believe I was that cruel to you when I care about you so much. I had to tell you right then how I felt about you. I'm sorry."

Silence filled the common room. Only the soft hum of the engines could be heard.

"Carth?" Revan finally asked, her voice hushed.

He didn't say anything.

"Carth, look at me, please?"

It wasn't an order or a request. It was merely a simple question. And Carth couldn't bring himself to look at her. He was convinced she'd never speak to him again, that he'd just ruined whatever chance he might have with her.

He felt her hand cup the side of his face, turning his head to the side. He didn't protest, and when she stopped, he opened his eyes.

Revan kissed him.

It took Carth completely by surprise. But he didn't pull back and break it. Instead, he took her face in his hands and kissed her back. She was so soft… He could taste the snack cake frosting she had eaten and the tea she had drank. Revan wrapped her arms around his neck. All the pain Carth felt, all the self-pity and self-hatred for his actions, and the need to somehow make it up to her were poured into his kiss. Revan responded, but ever-so-hesitantly. Carth wasn't sure why; maybe he'd come across too desperate? He tried to pull back.

Revan instead broke the kiss, wrapped her arms tighter around his neck, and buried her face into the crook of his neck. "Thank you for telling me the truth," she whispered. "About everything."

Carth held her tight. He rested his head against the side of her. The smell of her Dantoonie shampoo drifted upward. He drank it in, as if it was his one and only opportunity to hold her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," he whispered.

"I'm glad you didn't," she answered. "I, I don't think I would have been able to handle it."

He had to ask. "And now?"

Revan sat up slightly and rested her forehead against Carth's, looking into his eyes. She kept one arm around his neck, and with her other cupped the side of his face and stroked the hair near his temple and ear with her fingertips. "Now, I can," she smiled. "You trusted me with the truth. You have no idea how happy I am with that."

"But what I said—"

"Nothing's changed, Carth," Revan said. "Nothing's changed."

"But what I did—"

"You apologized."

Carth's brow furrowed. "I don't understand."

"You've said before that you're a proud man and you don't admit your mistakes easily," Revan smiled. "Combine that with the fact you trusted me? How could I possibly be upset?"

"So you're letting me go that easily?"

Revan raised an eyebrow. "Who said I was letting you go that easily?"

"Last time you asked me to work for forgiveness you asked for a kiss," Carth pointed out. "And I just did that."

Revan smiled. "I kissed you first, so it doesn't count."

Carth chuckled. "Never met a woman quite like you before."

"And you won't, either."

Carth smiled and shook his head. His tone turned serious again. "I really am sorry, Beautiful."

Revan could see the pain in his eyes. She could also feel it through the Force. She could sense how much Carth had been beating himself up over this. "I know you are," she said. "And I forgive you."

Carth kissed her.

* * *

It was late into the night and Revan couldn't sleep. She just looked upwards into the darkness, thinking. After they finished their drinks, Carth suggested they both get some sleep. They started to part ways when Revan spoke up as asked him to stay with her. She truly was afraid of having another Force vision or Darth Revan memory, and if she did, she wanted him there. Carth nodded in agreement. He told her he'd help in anyway he could, and he made her promise again to speak with Jolee in the morning. She agreed.

Together they lay in her bed in the darkness. Only Carth slept. The room was so quiet she could hear him breathing. He lay on his left side, his right arm lazily draped across her waist. Revan lay close, pillowing her head half on the pillow, half on his arm. Ever so gently she touched the side of his face, feeling the stubble beard on her fingertips. She traced his jaw line, his hair brushing against her fingers. He felt so calm, so peaceful. Revan felt a few rough patches of skin under his beard and wondered if the hair hid battle scars.

Her actions as the Dark Lord of the Sith had turned this man's life upside down, tearing apart his family, and leaving him wounded. He loved his wife so much, and Revan took her away from him. Maybe it was Malak's order to destroy Telos, but it didn't matter. Malak would never have done that if it hadn't been for Darth Revan… if it hadn't been for her.

How many other families had she destroyed? How many other of those Sith students at the academy were displaced by bombings, kidnapped by the Sith, and were children of still-loyal Republic officers?

It made her sick just to think about it.

Revan withdrew her hand and cuddled closer. "I'm sorry, Carth," she whispered. Revan didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve anyone, really. But she needed him. She didn't realize just how much until now. During the mission, whenever something would happen—good or bad—she always turned around and looked at him, like she was trying to judge whether she'd done the right thing. And ever since Korriban, she'd wanted nothing more than for him to be there. She didn't feel safe unless he was around. And now he was lying next to her, holding her in case another vision came or memory surfaced.

Carth mumbled something in his sleep. Revan was at an awkward angle, so rolled onto her side and gently kissed his cheek. She lay back down and rolled over so her back was pressed against his chest. In his sleep, Carth responded, holding her even closer. Revan settled in his hold and tried hard not to think of those two dreams she had earlier. Carth was right; she was different now. She'd never do those things again.

But Carth also warned that he felt she was going to be tested. Were those dreams it? Did she pass? Or was the test still to come?

No, she wasn't going to think about it. She closed her eyes and thought back to Dantooine, when everything was peaceful, when they were all on downtime while she trained. She thought of Dantooine nights, sitting outside in the Jedi courtyard and silently giggling to herself as Carth and Canderous argued over which twinkling light in the sky was which planet. She thought of Mission and Zaalbar running around on the grassy planes, Mission so excited that Dantooine consisted of grass and trees instead of steel beams and rusty walls. Those were the good times… before everything fell to pieces…

Revan eventually fell into a deep, dreamless and visionless sleep.


	5. What T3 Saw

**Chapter Five: What T3 Saw  
**

**

* * *

**Jolee was the first to wake up. He headed for the kitchen and began brewing the morning pot of caffa. The smell of the fresh caffa floated through the entire ship, and soon Juhani, Mission, Zaalbar, and Canderous all came into the common room. Not much was said as the Ebon Hawk crew fixed their breakfasts. T3-M4 and HK-47 eventually wandered in, T3 beeping good morning to everyone. HK paced, looking ready to pounce, as per usual.

"Where're Revan and Carth?" Mission piped up, noticing they were missing. She picked up her bowl of fruit and entered the common room, looking all around as if they were hiding somewhere. She looked at Canderous and Juhani, who were sitting at the common room table eating. "Have you seen Carth and Revan?"

"They're probably still sleepin', kid," Canderous answered, small bits of food flying out the sides of his mouth. Juhani cringed and wondered if anyone had ever told Canderous to chew with his mouth closed. She moved her chair slightly. "Heard 'em late last night in here talkin'."

Mission frowned. She didn't appreciate Canderous referring to her as a kid, but unlike Carth, Mission didn't think she'd get away with correcting the Manderlorian and calling him an old geezer. She turned to T3, who was circling around the room as if he was looking for something to do. "T3? Could you go see if Revan's awake?"

T3 beeped and headed off towards Revan's quarters.

"Thanks!" Mission called after the droid.

Jolee entered the common room, shaking his head. "You should leave her be, Mission. She had a rough day yesterday."

"I just wanna see if she's awake," Mission said, sitting down. "Is that a crime?"

Jolee shook his head and didn't say anything else.

* * *

Carth's arm had gone numb half-way through the night, thanks to Revan's head. He tried to wake his arm up without waking her. She looked so peaceful in her sleep. It was the only rest she knew, and Carth wasn't going to rob her of the opportunity. Revan was so beautiful, so tiny and fragile. How could she have possibly been that monster? Gently he brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and watched her sleep. She was such a beautiful woman…

When Revan later stirred and awoke on her own, Carth smiled and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Mornin', Beautiful."

Revan blinked a few times, then focused on Carth's face. "Hey," she whispered, snuggling closer.

"Sleep well?" he asked.

"Mmhmm," she said. Revan closed her eyes and smiled.

"You weren't thrashing about in your sleep like you have been," he said. "So I take it no visions?"

"No visions, no dreams, no nothing," Revan said.

Carth smiled and stroked her hair. "Good to hear. So I slept over for nothing?"

"Not for nothing," Revan corrected. She poked his chest. "You are kinda comfy."

"Oh?"

Revan smiled, her eyes still closed. "Much better than these flat pillows."

Carth laughed. "So that's all I am to you? A giant pillow?" When Revan didn't answer, he tickled her side. Revan squealed and wiggled in his arms. Carth laughed and rolled on top of her so she couldn't escape. Revan continued to squeal and failed at defending herself.

Carth suddenly stopped, fully aware of his and Revan's current position. Revan stopped giggling and tried to catch her breath. Her chest rose and fell as she panted for air. Her bright eyes looked into his dark brown ones. They stared at each other for a few moments.

Their lips met.

Revan cupped the sides of Carth's face, working her fingers through his hair. Last night their kiss had been delicate and tender. Now their kiss was fueled by desire and need. Carth's beard scratched Revan's face, but she paid no attention to it. His hands ran down her shoulders and torso. She wanted him. She needed him.

"Carth," she whispered against his lips.

He said nothing. Carth kissed a trail down the side of her face, then neck. Revan ran her fingers down his back and let out a soft moan. She felt his hands finger her ribcage through her t-shirt, then felt him lift the hem of her shirt and rest his hands on her side. His hands were rough, calluses on his fingertips. His thumb found a rough patch of skin on her abdomen and gently brushed over it again and again.

"You're not the only one with battle scars, Onasi," she managed to say. Carth raised his head and kissed her gently, his hands moving upward, then stopped.

"Rev," he whispered. "Rev, I, I haven't… haven't done this in, in a long time."

Revan smiled. "So?"

Carth blinked. "I, I just—"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Carth did.

Revan raised her arms and Carth pulled her t-shirt off, flinging it off to the side. He kissed her again—

_BEEP! BOOP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP!_

Carth and Revan jumped and turned to the side. There was Revan's t-shirt, hanging from T3-M4's optic lens. The silver droid turned his head every which way, trying to shake the t-shirt off, beeping and booping the entire time.

"T3!" Carth said, reaching out to grab the t-shirt. "T3, stop—T3, stop moving!" Carth grabbed the cotton fabric and pulled the shirt off of the droid. T3 angrily beeped a few times, the blue light beneath his optic lens grew dark, and with three final boops, the droid scurried out of the room and closed the door.

Revan laughed hysterically.

"What?" Carth asked.

Revan managed to regain her composure. "T3 just cursed you out."

"What did I do!"

"You flung my shirt at him, that's what you did," she giggled. "The poor droid."

"What was he doing in here!" Carth demanded.

Revan was still giggling. "I, I don't know," she said. "But he's not happy."

Carth sighed. When Revan stopped laughing, his eyes met hers, but this time her bright eyes weren't filled with desire anymore. It was something else… "Rev?"

"Carth, I… I…" She sighed. "Carth, I think we're moving… moving too fast with this."

He hung his head.

"Nonono!" she quickly corrected. "No, Carth." Revan searched for something to tell him, but she didn't know what. "Carth, I want you so much it hurts. But… but not now, not like this. It's just… There's just so much going on…" Her eyes started to pool with tears. "Carth, I need you, more than anything. Please believe me. You keep me going. We've been through so much together." Revan closed her eyes. "I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone, really."

"No," he finally said. He looked her in the eyes. "Darth Revan didn't deserve anyone. You—Revan, Liana, whatever you want to call yourself—you deserve so much. You deserve better than what I can offer you."

Revan smiled slightly. "I still… still haven't… haven't had time to really deal—all the dreams and visions…" Carth tenderly stroked her hair. "I really do need to talk to Jolee…"

"I'm, I'm sorry for rushing you," Carth apologized. "I've never been this close to, to anyone since my wife died. Physically close, too."

Revan blushed and softly giggled.

"I really am sorry, Rev," he said. "You need some time and space to deal—"

"I just need time," she said. "Not space." Their eyes met again. "Carth, I need you. I'm serious. You have, have no idea."

Carth smiled. "I think I do."

A tear trickled down her cheek. "Help me."

It wasn't a demand; it was a plea. Carth gently kissed her forehead. "Always."

* * *

T3-M4 angrily beeped and booped all the way to the common room. His beeps were so close together it was a wonder his voice box didn't explode.

"What's wrong with that demented toy now?" Canderous sneered, drinking his third cup of caffa.

T3's optic light rapidly grew dim and bright and his droid-cries filled the common room.

"T3, slow down!" Mission cried. "I can't understand you! What are you talking about!"

HK-47 rose to his feet, the rifle he had been polishing laying casually at his side. "Statement: I can understand the bucket of bolts. Allow me." A sound issued forth from HK-47's voice box which could only be described as the sound of a droid clearing its throat. "Translation: It appears that the droid came across Master and the Republic Meatbag engaged in a meatbag mating ritual."

Canderous spit his caffa back into his cup. Juhani and Mission dropped their forks. Jolee held his head in his hands.

"Translation: Master and the Republic Meatbag were pressing their mucus-covered lips together while laying down on Master's bed. The Republic Meatbag then—"

"HK," Jolee interrupted, trying to get the droid to stop.

"—removed Master's shirt—"

Canderous snorted.

"—and threw it on the droid's optic lens. The droid was unable to see, and called the Republic Meatbag an assortment of names. The Republic Meatbag then removed Master's shirt from the droid's optic lens, and the droid came back here."

The room was silent.

"Statement: It would appear that Master and the Republic Meatbag will not be joining you for breakfast this morning," HK-47 finished.

Canderous snorted. "You can say that again," he softly said. He grabbed his caffa cup and leaned back in his chair. "One minute you're screamin' at her for ruining your life, next you're nailin' her ass. A toast to Carth."

"Canderous!" Juhani snapped. "How dare you say such things!"

"What's the matter, kitten?" Canderous asked. "Jealous?"

Juhani's eyes grew wide. "You think for one moment that I would desire to mate with—"

"Hey!" Mission cried. "Could we not talk about this?" She stood up and grabbed her plate. "If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the refresher washing my brain out with soap!" Mission exited the common room, Zaalbar on her heels.

Awkward silence filled the common room. Juhani got up from the table and left to meditate in her room. Only Jolee, Canderous, and the droids were left. Jolee sighed in disgust as the smirk on Canderous's face obviously meant was envisioning the things HK described earlier.

"You leave them alone," Jolee said.

"What?" Canderous asked. "What did I do?"

"What Carth and Revan do on their own time is no one's business but their own," Jolee warned. He got up from the table, taking his plate and caffa cup with him.

"You leaving, too?" Canderous asked.

Jolee nodded towards the cockpit. "I'll be in there. It's my turn for cockpit duty."

Canderous snorted. "Apparently it's Revan's turn, too," he smirked.

Canderous suddenly found himself falling backwards, banging his head rather hard on the metal floor. "OW!" he cried. His caffa cup clattered on the floor, spilling the warm liquid everywhere. "What the hell was that!"

"That," Jolee snapped, "was a warning. I'm not reminding you again."

T3 beeped.

"Agreement: I, too, am surprised that the Mandalorian Meatbag did not dent the floor paneling," HK nodded.

Canderous sneered at Jolee, then stood up and picked up his chair. Content that his message had clearly been received, Jolee headed into the cockpit.


	6. Rumble in the Cargo Hold

**Chapter Six: Rumble in the Cargo Hold  
**

**

* * *

**Carth Onasi entered the cargo hold and headed straight for the workbench. They'd be at the Star Forge in a week, and he wanted to make sure that his blasters were the best they could be. There was no telling what they'd encounter on their way to defeat Malak. It wasn't his job to take Malak down; it was Revan's. His job was to defend her at all costs. And he wasn't going to let an un-upgraded blaster be the death of her. Or him. Or anyone else.

Carth took apart a Sith Assassin pistol he stole from the Sith Academy, looking for anything that might be beneficial in upgrading his own two blasters. Carth pulled a stool over and had a seat while he went about messing with wires and pieces of the pistol. He heard the metallic footsteps of HK-47 enter the cargo hold. The droid was no doubt on patrol mode. It must be the top of the hour.

"Any threats, HK?" Carth called over his shoulder as he examined the pistol's trigger device.

"Answer: There appears to be no security threats so far," HK-47 answered.

"Good," Carth said, looking to see if the trigger device from the Sith pistol would fit his blaster.

Carth heard HK leave the cargo hold. Several minutes later he head another set of footsteps, heavy footsteps this time. Carth ignored them and focused on his work.

"Haven't seen you all morning, Republic."

Canderous. Carth sighed. "I relieved Jolee early so he and Revan could talk. Juhani's in the cockpit now."

"So they could talk about what?" Canderous asked.

"Her visions." Carth kept his answer short and to the point since he was still busy working. The cynic in Carth wondered yet didn't care why Canderous decided to have a conversation with him. Canderous never gave him the time of day in the first place.

"All that Darth Revan stuff?" Canderous asked.

Carth nodded.

Out of the corner of his eye, Carth saw Canderous cross his arms and lean against the wall of the cargo hold. "So tell me, Carth: What's it like ridin' a former Sith Lord?"

Carth closed his eyes. So that was it. Figures. He ignored Canderous.

"Or was it more like she was ridin' you?"

Carth looked at his blaster and suddenly wished it wasn't in three pieces.

"Did she use the Force at all?" Canderous asked. "There are some pretty interesting rumors about what those Jedi's can do with the Force during foreplay."

Carth clenched his teeth.

"I take that as a no?" Canderous asked. "She's holdin' out on you then, Republic."

Carth closed his eyes and kept repeating to himself that it wasn't worth it. Canderous was just trying to rattle his cage. Let it go…

"Bet if you asked her, she'd do a strip tease usin' just the Force. She could probably remove your clothes, too," Canderous said. "Less work for you. Just sit back and enjoy—"

"We didn't have sex, all right!" Carth yelled, slamming his clenched fist on the workbench. Carth closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to calm down. It wasn't worth it.

Canderous was slightly taken aback, standing up straight. "But T3—" Then he stopped, grinned, and nodded. "I see, I see. Poor, poor Republic. Hot babe, putty in your hands, and you couldn't stand at attention." He shook his head. "That's just like you Republics," he continued. "When the opportunity presents itself, you pull out just when it gets good."

Would anyone miss Canderous if he shoved him out an airlock? Carth clenched his fist again, and stared at the workbench.

"Then again, maybe it wasn't you," Canderous thought out loud as he started to pace. "Maybe it was her. She's a Jedi, after all. Those Jedi don't exactly bed-hop."

Carth's eyes narrowed. He focused on the trigger mechanism on the pistol.

"Maybe no one's ever bagged her before," Canderous chuckled. "If it were up to me, I'd give her a first time she'd never forget. The Mandalorian way, all the way. Woo-hoo. I'm tellin' ya—"

Canderous's sentence was interrupted by Carth's fist.

The Mandalorian was caught off-balance, staggering backwards, then falling on his backside. He sat up and held his jaw, then looked up at Carth.

The Republic Commander was standing in front of the workbench, breathing heavily, his head tilted downwards, his eyes narrow.

"You want to bash me? Fine," Carth snapped, his voice like whiplash. "You wanna poke fun at me? Fine. But don't you ever bring her into this!"

Canderous rubbed his jaw. He removed his hand and looked to see a smear of blood on his fingers. "Republic's got bark and bite," he said, standing up. "Feisty, too. Probably because Revan didn't give ya any."

Carth threw another punch, but this time Canderous was ready for him and defending with a punch to Carth's chest. Something cracked, and Carth let out a cry, then sent a solid punch to Canderous's nose. Soon the two warriors were throwing punches and rolling on the floor, their military-trained fighting skills thrown out the airlock, punching and kicking like a poorly choreographed dance number. Arms and legs flared as Carth and Canderous traded insults, too.

When HK-47 entered the cargo hold at the top of the hour, he watched the fight with great amusement. He called to T3, who wheeled in just as Canderous pinned Carth against a footlocker.

HK looked at T3. "Wagering statement: My RAM chips are on the Mandalorian meatbag."

Carth brought his legs up and wrapped his feet around Canderous's right knee cap, twisted his feet and sent the Mandalorian crashing to the ground. Carth got up and dove on Canderous, pinning him so he couldn't move.

T3 beeped.

"Statement: The Republic meatbag only has the advantage for the moment. The Mandalorian meatbag will recover."

T3 whistled.

"Disagreeing statement: There is no need to inform Master. They are not harming anyone but themselves. Beside, this is entertaining!"

T3 chimed and beeped. Canderous flipped around and hit Carth across the jaw. Carth cried out in pain and fell backwards.

"Agreement: It is true that Master would not appreciate it if whiny, Republic meatbag was injured."

T3 beeped that he was going to go get Revan. Before the droid could move, rushed footsteps echoed through the hall. Jolee and Revan ran into the cargo hold. Revan gasped.

"Salutation: Greetings, Master!" HK said.

Revan raised her hand. Canderous and Carth suddenly froze in mid-punch. They hovered for a few seconds, then where set flying in opposite directions, landing on the floor of the cargo hold with painful thuds. Revan ran over to Carth's side.

"What in the name of the Force is going on in here!" Jolee roared.

Revan knelt and helped Carth sit up. "Owowow!" Carth hissed, holding his side. "Oh," he moaned. "Oh, not good…"

Revan let him lean on her, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as she wiped strands of sweat-drenched hair away from his face. Carth's face was covered his bruises, as was the rest of his body. His nose was bleeding, and his left eye was swollen. Revan frowned, then placed her free hand on his chest. Carth felt a cool, tingling sensation all over his body. He closed his eyes and softly moaned as Revan called to the Force to heal his bruised, battered, and broken body. No sooner did the sensation come to him then did it disappear. She even healed his ribs. He felt as if he hadn't just spent the last few minutes fighting like he was twenty again.

When Revan removed her hand from his chest, she looked at him with her bright eyes. "What happened?" she asked.

"I'd rather not say, Beautiful," Carth whispered. It was best Revan not know.

Canderous scowled. "Carth hit me," he said, nursing what looked like a broken nose.

Carth glared daggers at Canderous. "You asked for it!"

"You clocked me!"

"You had it comin'!"

Revan closed her eyes. Carth turned his attention away from Canderous and looked at Revan. What was she doing?

"Interruption," HK said. "If I may, Master. I did not see the beginning of the confrontation, but it was clear that the Mandalorian meatbag had the advantage."

Canderous grinned.

T3 beeped angrily at HK-47.

"Query: Oh, what do you know about fights, you rusty, bucket of bolts?" HK sighed in disgust as T3 beeped again.

Silence filled the room. "Revan?" Carth asked.

"This room… echoes with the argument," Revan whispered. "Can you feel it, Jolee?"

"Indeed I can," Jolee answered, looking at Canderous in disgust.

"What?" Canderous asked.

Revan opened her bright eyes again, looked right at Canderous and frowned.

"What?" he asked again. The longer she stared, the more uneasy he felt. And Canderous never felt uneasy. Her glare was loud and clear: She knew exactly what had transpired.

Revan finally turned back to Carth. She smiled sadly, then kissed his cheek. With one final glare in Canderous's direction, she stood up and exited the cargo hold.

Jolee looked back and forth between Carth and Canderous, then at the over-turned cargo containers. "Clean this mess up," he scowled.

"Hey, don't I get any healin'?" Canderous asked.

"They're called medpacs, son," Jolee answered. "Use 'em." And with that Jolee left.

* * *

_Thanks to Ocelott and Jiara for letting me bounce ideas off of them for this chapter.  
_


	7. Apologies

**Chapter Seven: Apologies**

* * *

Carth and Canderous avoided each other the remainder of the day. Opting to upgrade his blasters later, Carth headed back to the cockpit and relieved Juhani three hours early. Her angered look towards him didn't go unnoticed, and Carth wondered what he had done to her. Everyone seemed to be giving him dirty looks, Carth noticed as he sat down in the pilot chair. Mission gave him a strange look at lunch, Zaalbar stared at him, and now Juhani was staring daggers.

"Damn, T3," he whispered under his breath. Did the droid announce to the whole crew what he accidentally witnessed? Carth sighed and figured there was nothing he could do about it. Revan knew the truth. Canderous, he assumed, knew the truth. And if the subject came up during their talk, then Jolee knew the truth.

Does it really matter? Carth thought. Of course it does, he answered himself. Six people and two droids living together in close quarters for the next week and a couple days… Carth didn't care about whatever reputation the other thought he had. But Revan… He'd never take advantage of her, even though he almost did. Then again, he thought, it wasn't like she tried to stop him. If T3 hadn't beeped when he did, T3 might have had a lot more to report to the crew. Next thing they'd know, Canderous would be hackin' the utility droid lookin' for footage, and probably giving him pointers.

Carth let out a soft cry of frustration and tried hard not to think about it. He didn't care what the others thought of him. He only cared about what they thought of Revan. Although, he didn't recall anyone giving Revan dirty looks. Course, Carth wasn't exactly a former Sith who could threaten them with the history of his past. Carth sighed again and stared. He stayed like that for hours, just staring out the window…

"Carth?"

Carth turned in his chair and saw Mission standing in the doorway, holding a bowl in her hand. "Hi," he said.

Mission smiled slightly. "Hi. Um, you missed dinner." She stepped forward and handed Carth the bowl. "Jolee made this; I saved some for you."

Carth took the bowl from the young Twi'lek's hands. "Thanks, Mission," he said.

Mission nodded. "Jolee said it's Shadowland Stew. It's pretty good, but, uh, I wouldn't ask him what's in it if I were you."

Carth chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't." When Mission didn't give any sign of leaving, Carth asked her what was wrong.

"Nothin'," she quickly said.

"You're lying," Carth told her. She looked at him oddly. "I'm a parent, remember?"

Mission sighed. "I… I was just… I mean. I heard about you and Canderous. Well, I mean, I heard HK's version. And Canderous isn't talkin'; Big Z tried. I just… I was just curious as to what happened, you know?"

Carth contemplated telling her, decided it was a bad idea, then figured that if he didn't tell her she'd pester him until he did. "Canderous… said some… inappropriate things about Revan… and me," he explained. "When I… in a way asked him to stop, he continued, and I slugged him."

"Inappropriate things about you and Revan? What did he—Oh." Mission's face flushed to an embarrassed shade of purple. If it was anything like the breakfast conversation, then Mission could pretty much guess why Carth slugged him. "Well… Well then, he deserved it," she said with an approving nod.

Carth smiled. "I thought so, too."

Awkward silence filled the cockpit. Mission looked at Carth with a look of uncertainty, like she was trying to figure something out. Carth closed his eyes. He kept repeating to himself that she was only fourteen and how awkward the conversation was in the first place. But he also knew what she was thinking.

"I'd never take advantage of Revan, Mission."

Mission's cheeks went from embarrassed-purple to out-right-shocked-purple. "Oh, I-I-I-I," she stuttered. "I, I wasn't… I mean…"

It was the first time Carth had ever seen Mission out-right speechless. If the topic wasn't so grave, he probably would have laughed. "It's okay," he told her.

Mission looked like she had bitten more than she could chew. "I, uh, think I hear Big Z," she fumbled. "Uh, enjoy your dinner, Carth." She turned tail and exited the cockpit.

Carth softly chuckled to himself. "Still just a kid," he softly said.

He examined the contents of Jolee's Shadowland stew and gave it a gentle smell. It smelled okay, but Carth had never had green stew before. He was starving, he had to admit. And if Carth got up and headed to the kitchen to exchange the stew for something else… Carth decided just to eat it and have it done with. He hesitantly brought a spoonful of the stew to him lips and ate it.

"Hmm… Not bad," he softly said, licking some of the stew off his lips. But Mission was right; he didn't want to know what it was Jolee had put in—

Jolee. Did that mean he and Revan were done talking? Dammit, he should have asked Mission. Carth checked the clock and saw in less than an hour Canderous would be coming to relieve him. He'd find out then. Carth went back to eating the stew.

Carth felt two hands gently rest on his shoulders. "What in the galaxy did you say to Mission that turned her into a purple Twi'lek?" a voice whispered into his right ear.

Carth smiled. "Nothin', Gorgeous," he replied.

"Uh huh," Revan said. "I don't believe you for a minute."

Carth shrugged. "She wanted to know what me and Canderous were fighting about, so I told her as… as non-descriptive as I could."

"And that's when she turned purple?"

"Eh, more or less."

Revan lightly kissed his right cheek. "What am I going to do with you, flyboy?"

Carth decided to push his luck. "Canderous had some interesting ideas we could invest in."

Revan rolled her eyes. "Just finish your dinner."

Carth smiled and took another spoonful of the stew. "So how did you and Jolee make out?"

Revan raised an eyebrow. "Given the current rumors about me and you, think you outta rephrase that question?"

Carth choked on his dinner.

Revan grinned and stepped to Carth's side, leaning against a control panel, careful not to hit any buttons. "We talked my visions and dreams through," she answered. "We meditated on the meanings, we meditated on what the Force was trying to tell me, we discussed why these visions are coming to me, and what might trigger them."

"Jolee knows a lot about this topic?" Carth asked.

Revan shook her head. "Not really, but he knows more than I do. And between the two of us, we're… we're looking for a way to… a way for me to work through them."

Carth looked at her, skeptical.

"Once… Once this mission is over," Revan said. "Then… Well, then only the Jedi Council can help. But for… for right now, this is the best we can do. Jolee… Jolee knows a lot more than he leads on, let me say that."

"I hope it works," Carth said.

"It's better than nothing," she answered.

Revan looked distant again. Carth put his stew down on the floor then reached over and took Revan's hand in his. "Rev?"

"Huh?—Sorry," she said. "Just… thinking."

Carth gestured for her to have a seat on his lap, which she did without hesitating. She sat sideways on his lap, resting her head on his left shoulder. "What're you thinking about?" he asked, tucking her head under his chin.

Revan paused. "Jolee… Jolee thinks that I'm unconsciously reminded of things I did as Darth Revan. Like, I don't know, you walk into this cockpit and you suddenly think of the first time you learned how to fly a ship." She paused again. "Jolee thinks that maybe that's what's happening to me. When I came out of the shower last night, I looked at my cot and for some reason I thought of Darth Revan's quarters on the Star Forge. I… I could see the room. Then… Then you found me naked on the floor."

"But that was just the one dream," Carth said.

Revan shook her head no. "I've… I've had other, similar memories come back."

Carth's brow furrowed. "You did? Why didn't you tell me!"

"They… They happened on Korriban."

Carth closed his eyes. That's why she didn't tell him.

Revan continued. "They happened when I was in the tomb of Naga Sadow. When I was walking through the halls, I had a memory surface of when Malak and Darth Revan walked the halls. I… I don't know how long I laid there crying before I finally stood up and finished the test." She shook her head. "I had others…"

"When you were sleeping," Carth said. "The night before your test." She looked up at him. "I… I watched you thrash in your sleep," he admitted. "I'm sorry, I was just so angry—"

She placed two fingers over his lips, silencing him. "We've already talked about that," Revan said. "But… But no, I'm just worried that… that I'll have another if not more visions once we're at the Star Forge. You… You don't need me passing out in the middle of a battle."

"I'll be there in case anything happens," he said. When Revan gave him another odd look, he answered, "You don't think I'm gonna sit inside the Hawk the entire time and let you take home all the glory yourself?" Revan didn't smile. Carth tried again. "I made a promise to protect you, Revan. I'm going to be there with you."

Revan slowly nodded. "I know." She reached out and brushed the two locks of hair away from his brow and smiled when they fell back. "Those locks are just as stubborn as you are," she softly said.

"It's part of being an Onasi."

Revan giggled. She leaned over and kissed the top of his nose.

"You missed," Carth said.

Revan grinned. "Then lemme try that again." She closed her eyes and gently kissed him. Carth responded.

"Uh, I hope I'm not—"

Revan jumped and banged her forehead against Carth's.

"—interrupting anything."

Carth and Revan turned and saw Canderous standing in the doorway. Carth opened his mouth to say something, but Canderous raised his hand. "Look," the Mandalorian mercenary said, "I'm not… not going to say anything." He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling. "What you two do on your own time is no one's business."

Carth raised an eyebrow. Canderous said that line like it was rehearsed.

"And what else?"

Carth's brow wrinkled. Was that Jolee in the hall?

"I… I apologize," Canderous said like a child forced to make an apology.

"For?" Jolee called.

Canderous turned around. "Come off it, Old Man! I'm workin' on it here!"

Revan hid a giggle.

Canderous grumbled. "I apologize to you, Revan, for what I… implied." He looked at Carth and wrinkled his nose. "And I apologize to you, Carth, for… what I said."

"And what else?" Jolee asked.

Canderous closed his eyes and issued another rehearsed line. "And it won't happen again." He grunted. "Will you accept my apology?"

Carth looked at Revan. "I dunno. What do you think?" he asked.

Canderous sneered. "Mandalorians don't apologize. So accept it already."

Revan looked at Canderous with her bright eyes. "You don't truly believe you did anything wrong."

Canderous said nothing. Revan just stared. Canderous caved. "I… I really do apologize to you, Revan. I… I was disrespectful of your privacy."

Carth raised an eyebrow. That certainly sounded sincere and not spoon-fed by Jolee.

Revan nodded. "Apology accepted."

Canderous sighed in relief.

Revan turned back to Carth. "C'mon, flyboy," she said, standing up. "Canderous's turn. And I haven't eaten anything yet."

Carth gathered his stew bowl, then stood up and followed as Revan exited the cockpit. Carth looked in Canderous's direction. The Mandalorian turned his nose up at the Republic Commander. Carth just smiled and walked away.


	8. Unwanted Visions

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

"You sure this is a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Carth sighed in the partial darkness of Revan's quarters. She'd asked him to spend the night again, and he had agreed. But now he was having second thoughts. Carth reached over and brushed a lock of hair away from Revan's face. "Don't get me wrong, Beautiful," he said. "I'm happy to be here with you. But…"

Revan frowned. She reached up and turned on the light above her bed. Carth winced until his eyes adjusted. "But what?" Revan asked.

"I'm just… worried about—"

"Carth," Revan smiled, "I don't care what the others think."

"But I do," he said.

"I'm a big girl, Onasi," she smiled. "I can take care of myself."

"I know, but—"

Revan looked into his eyes. "Carth, I know what you're trying to do. And I appreciate it." She slid closer. "But I don't care what they think. Jedi's aren't supposed to be this… close to others, let alone kiss… share a bed…" Her voice trailed off. "Carth, what I'm trying to say is… you want to give me a future with you?"

Carth nodded.

"Then you're gonna have to get used to the dirty looks, flyboy," she smiled.

"I… I know, but…"

"Carth?"

"Hmm?"

Revan smiled. "Shut up, turn off the light, and kiss me."

Carth did as he was told. He wrapped Revan in his arms and pulled her close, her body aligning with his. Carth kissed her gently, not wanting to get carried away like that morning. He had fallen for her. She was more than just the woman he had saved from the escape pod, more than just another member of the crew. When he pulled her out of the escape pod on Taris, not once did he ever think that months later he'd even consider letting her close, letting her into his heart, allowing himself to trust someone again…

Revan broke the kiss, then hugged Carth, holding him tight. She smiled as he kissed the nape of her neck. To think that all this time they could have spent it in one another's arms…

Carth could feel Revan's muscles suddenly tense. "Rev?" he softly asked. "You okay?"

_Revan smiled and walked over to Malak's side. She placed her hand on his strong back and lazily traced his spine, over his backside_…

Revan started to shake.

"Rev?" Carth asked again. He pulled her away slightly and looked at her face. She looked distant…

"Oh no," Carth gasped.

_Malak kissed Revan._

"Revan?" Carth asked. "Can you hear me?"

_Malak pulled off his shirt while Revan undid his belt. She pushed him up against the wall_…

"Revan, wake up!" Carth cried. He didn't know what to do. Was Revan supposed to wait these visions out? Could they be interrupted?

_Malakuntied her black robes, letting the fabric pool at her feet.He kissed her_…

Revan started to sob in Carth's arm. He tried to get her to sit up, tried to talk to her, but Carth got no response.

Jolee… He had to get Jolee…

_Revan let out a cry. She clung to Malak, the sweat on her palms and his back making it hard to hold on. She heard Malak moan her name…_

Clad in only a pair of black drawstring pants, Carth ran down the halls of the Ebon Hawk. He reached Jolee's quarters and entered without knocking. "Jolee!" Carth cried.

Jolee's eyes snapped open. "What in—"

"Revan's having another flashback!"

Jolee sprung to his feet.

_They lay on Revan's bed, the sheets tangled around them. Revan giggled in the darkness, lazily tracing a pattern on Malak's chest. "As soon as the Star Forge cranks out more ships, no one will oppose us," she said. "Doesn't that sound wonderful?"_

_Malak grinned. "It does indeed, Master."_

_"I never get tired of hearing that," she smiled._

Carth and Jolee ran inside Revan's room. They found her lying on the floor, half the blankets wrapped around her. Carth picked her up and sat down on the edge of the bed, holding her in his arms while she sobbed softly.

Jolee placed a hand on the side of her head. "What was she doing when the vision came?"

"Nothing. We were just…hugging," Carth answered.

Jolee said nothing.

"Do we just wait until it clears?"

Jolee stared at Revan. "I don't know," he admitted.

Revan continued to softly whimper in Carth's arms.

Carth tucked her head under his chin. "She's worried about them coming back to her—"

"—When she's on the Star Forge," Jolee finished. "I know."

Carth looked at Jolee. "I'm worried, too."

Revan's eyes blinked a few times. She looked around, then realized Carth was holding her. She closed her eyes and started to cry again.

"Shhh," Carth soothed, gently rocking her. "I'm here. I got you."

Jolee sat down next to Carth. "What did you see?"

Revan squeezed her eyes shut. "I… I can't…"

"You have to tell me so I can help you, my dear," Jolee said.

That only made her cry harder. Carth cradled her and stroke her hair, the same way he did when Dustil was younger and woke up from nightmares. Revan's muscles were still tense, and it seemed like nothing was going to get her to calm down.

"What did you see, Revan?" Jolee asked again.

"Malak," she forced out.

"Malak what?" Jolee asked. "You and Malak? Just Malak?"

Revan buried her head into Carth's shoulder. "I… can't… can't…"

"Tell me then, beautiful," Carth tried.

That only made it worse. Revan placed a hand on his bare chest, then slowly clenched it into a fist. Carth took that hand into his and laced his fingers through hers. "We can't help you unless you tell us what you saw," Carth said.

When Revan still wouldn't talk, Jolee stood up and said he was going back to bed. "Keep trying, son. Let me know if you need anything," he told Carth. Then he left.

Carth rested the side of his chin against Revan's forehead. "Jolee's gone now, gorgeous," he said. "You can talk to me now."

"No," she insisted. "I can't…"

"We can't help you otherwise," Carth calmly said.

"Don't make me…"

"It can't be that bad."

That was the wrong thing to say. Revan pulled her hand away from Carth's and climbed off his lap. "How can you say something like that?" she snapped, standing in the middle of the room looking ready to pounce.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Carth tried. "I'm just trying to help—"

"You're not helping!" she cried. "All you care about is the entire crew thinking we had sex! You have no idea what I'm going through, and forcing me to talk isn't going to work! You wouldn't understand even if I did tell you! So just leave already and take your paranoid ideas with you! Get out!"

Carth continued to sit there. He said nothing.

Revan let out a cry of frustration, then leaned against the wall of her quarters, tears still rolling down her cheeks as she wept. All she could think about was Malak… and her. Malak wasn't just Darth Revan's partner, he was her lover. The stakes had just risen. She couldn't tell Carth what she saw… she justcouldn't.There was no telling what he'd do. But screaming at Carth wasn't the answer; he'd done nothing wrong. Revanwept harder.

Carth stood up, waiting to see if she really wanted him to leave. His heart ached as he watched her weep. When it looked like her knees were going to buckle, Carth got up and wrapped an arm around the small of her waist. Revan leaned into him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on the middle of his chest. She apologized through her tears, and Carth responded by holding her tighter and kissing the top of her head.

Revan's sobs softened. Carth was trying to help; she knew that. He was trying to protect her from the memories the only way he knew how. She could feel it in his embrace. As she slowly calmed down, she concentrated on feeling him hold her, the touch of his arms around her. Revan could hear his heart beating inside his chest. She closed her eyes and listened, the rhythm strangely soothing.

"I don't deserve you," she whispered.

"I don't deserve anyone," Carth answered, just as hushed. "So we're even."

Revan pulled away slightly, but didn't break the embrace. She looked up at Carth. "Yes, you do," she said. "You deserve someone… someone who's not a nutcase, someone who makes you happy, who hasn't done horrible things…"

"It's you I want, Revan," he said. "Don't ever think otherwise." Carth pulled her back, moving one of his arms to wrap around her shoulders.

They stood like that in silence for while before Revan whispered, "So now that we've concluded that we don't deserve each other, now what?"

Carth cracked a smile. He kissed the top of her head again. "You want to tell me about that vision?"

"Not really."

"You sure?"

"It'll ruin the mood."

Carth rested the side of his head on top of Revan's. "Tell me in the morning?"

Carth felt Revan tense up again. "Carth? You… you have to promise me something."

"What?"

She closed her eyes and held him tighter. "Whatever… whatever I remember… from my past, that… that it's my past. You… you have to promise me that… that you… you won't change your mind about me, about us… if there's stillan us."

"There's an us," Carth assured.

Revan pulled away and looked in his eyes. "You have to promise me," she whispered, her voice slightly wavering.

"Revan—"

"I'm serious, Carth," she said. "And don't just say you will. You have to mean it."

Carth brushed the hair away from her face. "I promise."

Revan looked as if a great weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She hugged Carth again. "Thank you."

"Always, beautiful."


	9. Not a Moment's Peace

**Chapter Nine: Not A Moment's Peace**

* * *

Revan couldn't sleep. She lay in bed, her head on Carth's shoulder, listening to him breathe. Before Carth had fallen asleep, he told her that now matter what she saw in her vision, he wouldn't think any less of her.

"I mean that, Beautiful," he had said as he cupped the side of her face.

Revan's throat choked up and she couldn't say anything. Carth just smiled and kissed her, then told her to get some rest.

But Revan couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Malak bending his head to kiss her. She couldn't shake the image, no matter how hard she tried.

How could she possibly tell Carth what she saw? How could he possibly not think any less of her? This wasn't another vision where she witnessed killing someone, or something else just as horrible. She couldn't tell Carth; she knew it would hurt him. She loved Carth too much—

Revan's heart skipped a beat.

She loved Carth?

Revan shifted and looked up at Carth's face. She watched him sleep so peacefully, so quiet… Despite their rocky start and almost losing the friendship and trust she had worked so hard for after the Leviathan incident, she and Carth had never been closer. And after all he'd done for her since the visions started coming semi-regularly… The embraces, the kisses, the promises…

She loved him.

As carefully as she could, Revan crawled out of Carth's arms and off their bed. She thought that maybe a warm glass of Dantooine milk would calm her down and have her start thinking clearly. Revan grabbed Carth's black wool sweater and put it on overtop of her t-shirt and sleep pants. She quietly exited their quarters—her quarters in her socks and made her way to the kitchen.

"Twenty-two, you're over," Revan heard, followed by the low growl of a Wookie.

Revan entered the common area to find Mission and Zaalbar playing pazaak, Zaalbar sitting at the table, Mission sitting cross-legged on top of the table. "Don't you two ever sleep?" Revan asked.

"Sometimes," Mission smiled, collecting the cards and shuffling. "What about you?"

"Couldn't sleep," Revan answered, heading for the kitchen.

"Isn't that Carth's sweater?"

"Aren't those my pazaak cards?"

Mission giggled and dealt. When Revan returned from the kitchen, a glass of milk in hand, she sat down at the table. "Deal me in," Revan said.

Mission raised an eyebrow. "You sure? You haven't played since Taris."

"I said, deal me in," Revan smiled.

"Big Z plays for keeps," Mission warned. "And I cheat."

"And I have the power of the Force," Revan said. "So deal me in."

Mission giggled and dealt cards to her Jedi friend.

They played for an hour, laughing and forgetting troubles, before they heard the sounds of footsteps coming from the hall. Revan looked up to see Carth enter the common room. His hair darted out in several directions, and his feet and chest were bare.

"All right, Big Z," Mission said, dealing another round of cards, "you're goin' down!"

Revan smiled, still looking at Carth. "That's what you said the last two games, and he still cleaned your clock."

"Yeah, well, this time it's personal," Mission sneered. She turned her head to the side and saw Carth approach the table. "Geeze, put a shirt on, will ya?"

Carth ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry," he mumbled. "I couldn't find my sweater."

Revan blushed.

Mission ignored him and flipped over a 6 for Zaalbar, a 4 for Revan, and a 5 for herself. Zaalbar growled for another card, and Mission flipped over another 6. Carth sat down next to Revan just as she asked for another card, as well. Revan received a 3.

"Couldn't sleep?" Carth asked. Revan shook her head no as she examined her hand of plus and minus cards.

"Rev?" Mission asked.

"Card."

Carth shook his head. "So you three are going to play pazaak all night?"

Revan shrugged. Carth reached over and tucked a lock of hair behind Revan's ear. "Woke up and you weren't there," he whispered.

"Couldn't sleep," Revan answered.

"Why didn't you wake me?" Carth asked. He kissed her cheek.

Mission cringed. "Uh, hello? Teenager present."

Zaalbar laughed.

"Because you were sleeping," Revan answered.

"You still should have woken me," he told her, reaching over to pull her onto his lap.

Mission crawled off the table. "Come on, Zaalbar. The old geezer's spoiling the game." She gathered the cards. "If he stops bein' all disgusting, we'll be in the cargo hold," Mission said. She grabbed Zaalbar's paw and off they went.

"That wasn't very nice," Revan said to Carth, pulling away and sitting down on her own chair.

"What?" Carth asked.

"You're evil."

"And proud of it, Beautiful."

Revan shook her head. "So why did you interrupt our pazaak game?"

"Because if you can't sleep, then this wasn't just you remembering something," Carth said. "Whatever you remembered, whatever you saw… it was big."

Revan's face fell.

"Rev, I'm worried," Carth said. "You keep having these visions, and you won't tell me right then what you saw—"

"I do tell you," Revan said. "Just… just not right away. I need time to think about it."

Carth reached over and lazily massaged the back of her neck with his hand. "Talk to me," he said.

Revan hung her head. "I… can't…"

"Rev—"

"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered. "I just… I can't."

Carth sighed. "Revan, I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

"Not now."

"Revan, let me help," he said. "Let me in."

Revan started to cry. "Carth, if you knew… you'd never speak to me again…"

_My Gods, she did give the order to destroy Telos._ "Revan… whatever it is… Beautiful, I'll… I'll understand…"

"No, you won't," she whispered.

"Beautiful, listen to me," Carth said. "I will. Honest to the Force. You want me type it into a datapad and handprint it?"

"I can't," she sobbed.

"Yes, you can," he said. "Revan, whatever it is, we can work through this. I know it's not your fault, and I won't hold you responsible."

Revan looked at Carth. "Won't hold me responsible?"

"Revan," he sighed, "I know… It wasn't your fault. I didn't mean—I thought we worked past this—"

"What in the galaxy do you think I saw, Onasi?" Revan snapped. "What aren't you going to hold me responsible for?"

"I don't know," he said, starting to get irritated. "You won't tell me—"

"Darth Malak and I had sex, okay!" she cried. "In fact, we had sex often! We were lovers! Happy?"

Carth blinked.

Carth and Revan heard a cough and looked up to see Canderous standing in the doorway. "I, uh, was just gonna go piss, but I can hold it." He stepped backwards, then headed back into the cockpit.

Revan got up from the table and ran for her quarters. "Revan! Revan, wait!" Carth called, rushing after her. But Revan was too quick. She got inside and locked the door behind her. "Revan, open the door!"

Nothing.

Carth took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Revan, please open the door."

Nothing.

"Revan, I'm not mad that you and Malak were lovers," Carth said through the door.

"Whoa." Carth spun around and saw Mission standing there. The blue Twi'lek coughed. "I, uh… was just… uh…" She ran to the refresher and closed the door behind her.

Carth sighed. "Not a moment's peace around here," he muttered. "Revan, please open the door before I go get T3 to unlock it."

Silence.

"Dammit, woman, open the blasted door!"

When Revan still didn't acknowledge, Carth left to go track down the astromech droid. He passed Canderous in the hall and warned him that Mission was occupying the refresher. The last thing he heard before he exited the hall was Canderous banging on the refresher door telling Mission to hurry up.


	10. Protection

**Chapter Ten: Protection**

* * *

Carth pounded on the door, but Revan paid it no attention. She sat on her bed in the dark, hugging her knees, her forehead resting on her kneecaps. Tears streamed down her face as she pondered every possible 'what if' for the remainder of the journey and the mission. What if Malak tried to turn her to the dark side? What if he was successful? What if more memories came back and she turned to the dark side on her own? What if no one was there to stop her or no one could stop her? What if she was on her own?

Revan could smell Carth on the sweater she was wearing. He'd worn that sweater whenever they were on board the Ebon Hawk, and she was fairly certain he hadn't washed it since Dantooine.

Carth. Force, she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want him to find out what she had dreamed the way he had. And then Canderous…

Revan lifted the collar of Carth's sweater up to her nose. She really made a mess of things this time. The door to her quarters slid open, but she ignored it. She heard some yelling coming from the hall—Canderous and Mission, it sounded like—and tried not to listen. Revan felt anger and frustration fill the room and heard the door close, drowning out Canderous and Mission's argument. She braced herself for screaming and yelling. Then she felt the anger… go away…

Revan felt an arm gently rest across her shoulders. She immediately caved and leaned into a sideways embrace, then winced as the overhead light turned on. She felt Carth's arms wrap around her tightly. "Talk to me, Rev," he softly said.

"What's there to say?" she whispered.

Carth ran the palm of his hand up and down her spine. "All right, I'll go first," he said. "I'm not angry or mad or upset that… over you and Malak." He paused. "It… It doesn't surprise me."

Revan sniffed. "It doesn't surprise me, either." She wiped away her tears. "I don't know why… why I acted—"

"Yes, you do," he said. "You know exactly why. You said so yourself. You said that if I knew I'd never speak to you again."

"And?"

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" he smiled. "I'm not mad, Beautiful. That's who you were then. This is who you are now."

"So, it's okay—"

"I never said it was okay," he corrected. "I said I wasn't mad."

"I don't—"

"It's not okay because this means that the mission just got a lot harder," he said. "And I know you know that." Revan nodded. "Maybe it would be easier if you didn't know, if it never happened, I'm not sure. But you can't pretend it didn't happen; we can't ignore it."

"All… All I can see when I close my eyes… is him…"

"I can't help with that," Carth said, his voice filled with sorrow.

"I know. I know you can't make him go away. But… you can help me forget."

Carth kissed her forehead. "Talk to Jolee—"

"I need you," she whispered. "You… you have no idea."

"I'm here for you," Carth said. "I'll always be here for you. But I can't always give you the help you need. This vision stuff is out of my league, Revan."

"I can't control these memories," she whispered.

"I know."

"I don't want to hurt you," Revan continued. "I don't want anything I remember to hurt you."

"It won't. You won't."

Revan blinked her bright eyes, releasing more tears. "You told me you wanted nothing more than to put a blaster to Revan's head."

Carth winced. "I know I said that. That… that was different. It, it wasn't so personal then. I, I can see you've changed. You know you've changed. Even the droids know. I don't know how many times I have to tell you."

"Keep reminding me," she whispered. "I don't want to fall again. I don't want to be Darth Revan again. I've only seen a couple memories and it's too much…"

"You won't slip, Revan," Carth assured. "You won't fall. We won't let you."

"But if I do—"

"I'll be here to catch you."

"What if you don't?" she asked. "What if you try, but I still fall? What if you're not there at all?"

"Don't think like that," Carth quickly said. "That's not going to happen."

"What about the darkness you said was there inside me?"

Carth stroked her hair. "You're not going to fall. I'll be there. I'll keep you from going back to the dark side. If you ever find yourself falling, slipping, giving in to a temptation, turn to me, think of me, think of the promise I made to protect you, to give you a future with me. Think of anything like that, anything to help you stay on the path you're on now, to stay the person you are now."

Revan said nothing.

"How about this? How about you and I get some sleep?" Carth suggested. "It's… it's been a busy night, and I, for one, am exhausted. And cold."

"Cold?"

"Someone stole my sweater."

Revan cracked a small smile. "Sorry," she whispered.

Carth kissed her forehead again. "C'mon. Lay down and let's get some rest."

Revan took off Carth's sweater, then lay down underneath the blankets while Carth turned off the lights. He then lay down and pulled her into an embrace. "Get some sleep," he whispered.

Revan pillowed her head on Carth's shoulder, resting her hand across his chest. "Tomorrow… tomorrow I want to start… training for the Star Forge," she whispered. "I… I want to be prepared for… for anything."

"You want me to help you?" Carth asked, bring his hand up to his chest to cover hers.

"I… I was going to ask Canderous," she said. "But, if… if you want to help, too, I… I mean—"

"It's okay, Beautiful," Carth chuckled. "I'm not jealous." He gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Maybe…" Revan's voice trailed off.

"Maybe what?" Carth asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing… It… It's nothing."

"Revan…"

Revan winced at his no-nonsense tone and the emotions he was broadcasting. "I… I just…" She sighed. "You're right that, that battling Malak is… is going to be a lot harder now than we, we thought. I just was thinking that maybe… maybe you should help, too. If I could fight you, then… then maybe I stand a chance against him."

Carth's brow wrinkled. "I don't understand the comparison."

"It's stupid," she whispered. "I shouldn't've said anything…"

"Tell me."

Revan sighed. She closed her eyes tight. "I… obviously once cared… very deeply for Malak," she forced out. "And he… for me. If the roles were reversed, I'd try to use that to my advantage."

"Psychological, huh?" Carth asked. "If you could fight me, you could fight him."

Revan tried to pull away. "It's… stupid. I shouldn't've—"

Carth held her so she couldn't move. "So how long have you been carrying this torch for me?"

Revan's face flushed.

"It's my muscles that did it, right?" Carth asked. "Minute you saw me without a shirt, there was no turning back?"

Revan tried to muffle a giggle, but it didn't work.

"Nice to hear you laughing again," Carth whispered.

Revan sat up slightly and kissed him. "Thank you, flyboy," she whispered. "I…" _I love you._ "I don't deserve you."

Carth held her tight. "Get some sleep, Beautiful, for tomorrow we battle."

"Again."

"More."

Revan smiled. She settled back down in his arms, resting her head on his shoulder again. _I love you, flyboy._

As Revan drifted off to sleep she thought of Carth. She loved him… maybe as much as she once loved Malak. She hoped that no matter what happened on the Star Forge that Carth wasn't harmed, that Malak didn't somehow find out…


	11. Bond

**Chapter Eleven: Bond**

* * *

Revan placed the laundry basket on her bed and began throwing her dirty laundry in it. She had temporarily stored her dirty robes in the spare footlocker, and was running out of clean laundry. Once she emptied out the spare footlocker, she took off her t-shirt and her sleep pants and tossed them in the dirty laundry bin. Clad in only her underpants, Revan finished sorting through the dirty laundry, then headed for the footlocker at the end of her bed to pull out a clean robe.

The door slid open. "Beautiful—"

Revan shrieked and covered her bare chest with her arms. "Do you _KNOCK?_"

Carth blushed. "Uh… sorry. I just—"

"Close the _door_, _NERF HERDER!_"

Carth coughed, stepped inside, and closed the door behind him. "I just—"

"Out _there_!" she cried.

"Out there what?"

Revan would have thrown her hands up in frustration, but they were currently covering her chest. "You! Out _there_ so I can get _dressed!_"

"I've seen you naked before," Carth pointed out.

Revan groaned. "Yes, I think we've established this." She started to head back towards the footlocker, then stopped and looked at Carth. "You could at _least_ turn around, ya know." Carth turned around and faced the wall. "And don't move or I'll throw you in stasis."

"Yes, Ma'am."

Revan knelt down and opened the footlocker and pulled out the first set of robes she could grab. "Nice to see you finally took off that sweater."

"Yeah," Carth said, looking down at the orange-and-rust leather flight jacket. "Mission said it smelled like Zaalbar."

"So it's back to the jacket?" she asked, quickly slipping on a bra and the matching pants to her robes.

"What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing. You can turn around now," she said, even though she was barely covered. Carth had seen her in her underwear before. She still had her back to him, though.

Carth slowly turned around. "I just was wondering if you were going to have breakfast—What's that on your back?"

Revan frowned and turned her head to the side. "What's what on my back?"

"You've got something on your back," Carth said. "Looks like a scar, or something."

"I do?" she asked, trying to twist her head so she could see.

Carth walked across the room. "It's really faint," he said. "I haven't seen this before." He raised his hand and lightly touched her back. "Doesn't feel like a scar."

A chill ran down Revan's spine at Carth's light touch. She felt him trace a pattern on her back, down towards the fastener of her bra strap. Revan closed her eyes.

_Revan turned around and wrapped her arms around Carth's neck, kissing him fiercely. He kissed back, fueled by desire and need. Within seconds their clothing was in a pile on the floor. Revan pushed Carth down on the mattress. They kissed harder, feeling each other. Revan broke the kiss, grinned, and looked into his eyes—_

_Malak. She was looking at Malak…_

Revan snapped her eyes open. "No," she softly gasped.

Carth pulled his hand away. "Sorry," he whispered.

Silence filled the quarters. "I'll, uh… be out in a minute," Revan softly said.

"Yeah," Carth lamely said, then turned to exit the room.

Revan closed her eyes. "Carth? Carth, I'm… I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"No, it's okay," he said. "I shouldn't've—"

"I saw Malak," she whispered, looking at him.

Carth stopped and looked at her. "What?"

"You… you touched me, and I saw Malak." Revan closed her eyes and shook her head. "Dammit," she muttered.

Carth didn't know what to say. "Visions are getting worse?"

"Just… more frequent," she said.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Revan shook her head. "You'll just send me to Jolee." Then she bit her lip. "Sorry."

She felt Carth place a hand on her shoulder. Revan turned and wrapped her arms around his waist. Carth wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze. "Get dressed," he whispered. "Then get something to eat. I talked to Canderous for you and he said he'd meet you in the cargo hold whenever you're ready."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Carth kissed the top of her head.

* * *

"No weapons?"

Revan shook her head. "Not yet. Fists first. I want to be prepared for anything."

Canderous nodded. "Fair enough. What are we starting with?"

"Come at me."

Canderous blinked. He stood a few feet away from the petite Jedi and could see every detail on her face, yet couldn't read her expression. She wanted him to attack her? "What?"

"Come at me," she repeated. "Give me all you got."

"What would your Republic boyfriend say?"

Revan glared.

Canderous shrugged. "All right." He took a swing at Revan. She blocked. He took another swing. Block. Revan side-swiped Canderous, her foot contacting his side. Canderous retaliated with a swing to her mid-section. Revan elbowed his chest.

Canderous knocked Revan to the ground, then pinned her, sitting on her hips and holding her hands behind her head. "All right, sweetheart. Get outta this one. And no using the Force. That's—"

Revan brought her knees up and hit Canderous hard in his backside, causing him to slide up on her chest. Revan raised her hips and twisted them, sending Canderous falling off of her. She'd done the move so fast, Canderous didn't have time to react. One second he was sitting on her, next he was on the floor, Revan standing next to him ready to attack.

"If you're gonna kick me, KICK ME!" Canderous cried.

Revan kicked high, but Canderous blocked. She went to take another shot, but stopped. Her eyes grew wide and she looked distant. Canderous wasn't sure if this was some kind of tactic, so he stood in his defensive stance, ready for anything.

Revan fell to her knees, the palms of her hands flat on the floor. "Revan?" Canderous hesitantly asked.

Revan let out a scream, then whimpered.

"Revan, are you okay?" Canderous asked.

Certain she wasn't going to attack, Canderous knelt and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Revan, what's wrong?"

Her face twitched and turned. She looked like she was in pain, like someone was torturing her. But nothing was there. No one was touching her. She let out another scream.

"Frack," Canderous cursed.

"Statement: READY!"

Canderous looked up and saw the barrel end of a gun in his face.

"I didn't do anything, ya demented droid!" Canderous cried, pushing HK-47's gun out of his face.

"Statement: I am programmed to protect the Master—"

"Yeah, and I'm programmed to find a can opener and put it to good use!" Canderous spat back.

Revan let out another cry, like someone had punched her hard in the stomach.

Canderous turned to HK. "Be useful and go get Carth!" he barked.

"Observation: And leave the Master alone while—"

"Dammit, I'll do it myself," he cried. Canderous ran to the door and screamed down the hall. "CARTH! GET YOUR FRACKIN' REPUBLIC ASS IN HERE NOW!"

Revan softly gasped. "Bastila."

Canderous ran back to Revan and tried to get her calm down. "It's all right, Revan," he soothed, seeing tears fall off her face and land on the floor of the cargo hold. "It's all right. Carth's coming. You're gonna be okay…"

Canderous's voice faded away in the background. Revan closed her eyes and let out another scream as Force Lighting struck Bastila's body. Bastila tried to resist; Revan could feel it. But she couldn't resist the temptation to scream. Revan hadn't felt the Force bond since the Leviathan, when Bastila sacrificed herself to save the rest of the crew. She'd tried to reach out to her Jedi sister, but could no longer feel her presence. Jolee assured her that Malak wouldn't kill Bastila, but Revan had her doubts. Malak destroyed Taris in an attempt to kill Bastila, then sent Dark Jedi's out to capture her alive if possible. All along Revan secretly thought Bastila was dead, and said nothing about it, not even to Carth. But she was alive… and Malak was torturing her…

Why did she suddenly feel the Force Bond now? Were they close to the Star Forge?—No. No, Bastila and Malak weren't on the Star Forge. They were… somewhere else… A stone room…? A temple of some sort? A cave, maybe? Why didn't she feel the bond before? Did the bond only work via close range? Was it amplified due to stress, or panic, or fear?

Revan let out another scream and fell to the floor of the cargo hold, face first. The pain was too much… she felt like she was back in the torture chambers on the Leviathan…

"Beautiful, I've got you," Revan heard. The voice sounded distant… "Everything's going to be okay."

"Carth?" she whispered.

"I'm here." The voice sounded closer.

Revan blinked a few times, then found herself back in the cargo hold, sitting on Carth's lap, his arms around her. The link to Bastila the bond provided was gone again…

"Bastila," Revan gasped. "Bastila… she's alive…"


	12. Release

**Chapter Twelve: Release**

* * *

"So run this by me one more time," Carth said. "You felt Bastila being tortured through the bond?"

Revan nodded. "Yes."

The entire crew of the Ebon Hawk was assembled in the common area. Jolee paced around the room, listening to what Revan had to say about the vision she saw through the bond, while everyone else either sat or stood. Revan had pushed three of the common room chairs together and was lying down on the make-shift bed, covering her eyes with her hands. She could still feel the tingling sensation left over from the Force Lightening attack.

"How is that possible?" Carth asked. "How could you feel—"

"Bastila and Revan are connected," Jolee reminded.

"Then how come I couldn't feel her after the Leviathan, felt her then, now can't feel her again?" Revan asked. She shook her head. "Never mind. Look, the main point is, she's alive."

"Bah, Malak wouldn't've killed her," Jolee said. "I told you that before."

"I know," Revan said with a sigh, "but I couldn't feel her. I'd gotten so use to being able to sense her…" Revan's voice trailed off.

Mission looked back and forth between Jolee and Revan. "Why is Malak torturing her?" she softly asked.

"Because he's Malak," Canderous answered with a snort.

"No, that's not it," Revan answered. "Well, it's part of it." She paused. "Malak's wanted Bastila for a while now. He's gonna try and turn her. I know he is."

"What good's that gonna do?" Canderous asked. "Okay, fine, she's been hangin' out with you for the past year, and has this bond-thing. But other than adding to his army of Dark Jedi—"

"Malak attacked the Endar Spire looking for Bastila, then Taris," Jolee said, turning to look at the Mandalorian. "When she escaped, he destroyed Taris. He wants her Battle Meditation ability. That's why he's torturing her. He'll turn her, then use her to his advantage. She's just a pawn."

Revan shook her head. "He won't succeed," she said. "Bastila's strong. And Malak—"

"I wouldn't underestimate Malak's abilities," Jolee said.

"I wouldn't underestimate Bastila's," Revan answered. "Look, no one… no one knows Malak better than me."

"Malak's grown much stronger since he attacked you years ago," Jolee said. "And he's got the Star Forge on his side, whatever that blasted thing does other than crank out ships."

"But he's still the same coward he was before," Revan said.

"Coward?" Carth asked.

Revan sighed and massaged her temples. "The whole reason I became the Master and he the apprentice wasn't because I was stronger or more powerful. It was because I was willing to do the work to gain that title. Malak… Malak wanted to be in control, wanted to be the one calling the shots. But he didn't want to do the leg-work. He'd much rather sit back and let me do it, then take it from me. That's why he tried to blow up my ship instead of face me in a duel for the title."

"So he laid low the entire time?" Carth asked.

"Sorta," Revan sighed. "I mean, he's strong. He's always been strong."

"Malak takes the easy path," Juhani said. "He blew up Taris instead of looking for Bastila. He sends Dark Jedi after us again and again to capture or kill. He has the Leviathan Admiral torture for information. And now he tortures Bastila."

"That's kinda the way of the Sith, Juhani," Revan said.

"But it is not honorable," Juhani replied. "He should come for you himself instead—"

"It's not me he wants."

Carth's brow furrowed. "What do you mean he doesn't want you? You're his former master. You—"

"He wants Bastila," Revan said. She sat up and sat cross-legged on the chair. "He's wanted Bastila from the start. He didn't know I was alive. Hell, I didn't know I was alive." She shook her head. "Malak wants Bastila for her Battle Meditation skill. That's it. If she won't turn to the Dark Side, he'll kill her so the Jedi and the Republic can't continue to use her to their advantage." Revan leaned forward, rested her elbows on her knees, and massaged her temples. "He doesn't need to come after me. He knows I'll go to him."

The room was silent.

Revan sighed. "Look, I-I'm sorry, gang. I really don't want to talk about this anymore. I just… want to be alone right now."

Slowly, the crew shuffled out of the room, heading to various parts of the ship. Before leaving, Jolee placed a hand on Revan's shoulder and told her to talk to him when she was ready. Revan nodded but said nothing. Carth was the last to leave the common area, making sure she was okay before he left.

When the room was quiet, Revan sat back and closed her eyes, just thinking. Every second that passed by brought her closer to the Star Forge, closer to Malak, and she felt even more unprepared now than she did months ago. And now Bastila…

Revan stood up and headed to her quarters. She closed the door behind her, turned off the light, then sat down on the floor, her back to her bed, and began to meditate. She thought of the vision she witnessed through the bond, and the previous visions of Malak and Darth Revan. She thought of the dream she had where she witnessed Carth being murdered by Darth Revan, and the previous visions she had on Korriban.

* * *

Revan spent the remainder of the afternoon meditating in her room. The crew left her alone, respecting her request for privacy. But when she didn't surface at dinner, Carth became worried. Jolee assured him she was fine. After dinner, Carth went to check on her, bringing a plate of food with him. He opened the door to her quarters and found her still sitting in darkness, deep in meditation. Carth locked the door behind him, shutting off the only light source. He walked in the darkness over to her, placed the plate of food on the floor next to her, then sat down behind her on her bed. Gently he placed his hands on her shoulders and slowly massaged her neck and shoulders. 

"You're too good to me, Onasi."

Carth turned on the light over her bed, then lowered his head and kissed her cheek. "I also brought you dinner."

"You're wonderful," Revan sighed.

"What are friends for?"

Revan opened her eyes and smiled. "Friends, eh?"

"Well, maybe more than that."

Revan's smile slowly faded. "Maybe more… even though it seems every time you touch me or kiss me I see Malak?"

"It's not your fault," Carth said. "We'll work through it. We've done pretty well so far."

Revan shook her head. "I don't want to keep… working through it. I want to get past it."

"You told me yourself that it was going to take time," Carth said. "You need time, not space. Those were your exact words."

She closed her eyes. "I know."

Carth squeezed her shoulders. "Beautiful, I'll give you all the time you need."

_And I love you for it, flyboy,_ she thought._ But I'm too impatient. I want to get through this now. I don't want this to keep getting in the way… of us…_ Revan fought tears. "Damn you, Onasi," she whispered. "How dare you make me cry."

Carth smiled. "Part of my charm."

Revan turned around. She stood on her knees and lowered Carth's face to hers. She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I don't want to wait anymore," she whispered against his lips. Malak memories be damned. She loved Carth now. Revan kissed him again. Carth responded, holding her tight.

"_Master, you're—"_

"_Call me Revan."_

"_But Master—"_

"_We've known each other for years, Malak. You didn't have any problems calling me Revan before."_

No, no it was Carth she was kissing. It was Carth who was running his fingers through her hair. It was Carth that was pulling her even closer…

"_Master—Revan, are you… sure… about this…?"_

"_Who's going to stop us?"_

Revan tried to fight the memories. She kissed Carth harder, gently pushing him back on her bed. Revan straddled his waist and ran her hands down the front of his jacket.

"Revan," Carth whispered against her lips. "Are you… sure… about this…?"

Revan blinked a few times. She focused on Carth's face, concentrating…

"Revan?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I… I wasn't sure…"

"Malak?"

Revan said nothing.

"Revan, we don't have—"

"No," she said. "I'm… I want to…"

Carth frowned. "Beautiful, if you're still suffering—Revan, I'll wait."

Revan brushed a light kiss against his lips, then slowly unfastened his jacket. "Tell that to the rest of your body."

Carth closed his eyes and softly moaned. "Nothing a cold shower can't solve."

"And how many of those have you taken so far?"

"I lost count."

Revan nibbled his ear.

"Blast it, woman," Carth moaned. His hands found her waist and unfastened her robe. He tossed her belt off to the side, then ran his hands inside her robe. Revan responded by pushing the sides of his jacket off his chest and running her hands under his t-shirt. "Revan, stop just a second," he hissed.

Revan continued to let her hands explore while she nipped at Carth's neck.

"Rev, stop just a sec and look at me," Carth said.

She raised her head. "What?"

Carth wasn't sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. "If…" He sighed. "If you see images or memories…" He tried again. "Revan, if you tell me to stop, I swear to you I will."

Revan removed her left hand from underneath his shirt and ran her fingers through his hair, catching the two stubborn locks and smiling as they snapped back into place across his brow. "Always a gentleman, Onasi," she smiled.

Carth grinned. "It always got me the girl. Well, that and my uniform."

"This jacket got you girls?"

"My other uniform."

Revan giggled. "I'd love to see you in your Republic uniform."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm," she said, brushing another kiss across his lips. "Just as much as I'd love to see this orange jacket of yours—"

"Rust."

"Whatever color it is," she said, "it needs to be off you and on the floor."

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

Revan grinned.

Carth sat up enough for Revan to push his jacket off his shoulders. She tossed it aside and the jacket landed on the floor.

Carth kissed Revan and lay back down, taking her with him. His hands rested on her hips, then slowly traveled upwards.

"You sure about this?" Carth whispered.

"Yes."

"No regrets?"

"None."

Carth closed his eyes. "I… I haven't done this in… in a long time, you know. I—"

"Stop talking."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"_I've never done this before, Malak…"_

"_Neither have I."_

"_The Jedi Council forbids—"_

"_We've already defied them on so many levels, Revan."_

Revan's mind screamed for her to focus. "You locked… the door so… T3 can't come… wheeling in, right?" she whispered in between kisses.

"You just told me to stop talking," Carth pointed out.

"I know I did," Revan whispered against his lips. "But I don't need this recorded, either."

"Door's locked."

Carth held her hips, then rolled over. He nibbled at her bottom lip. "You're beautiful, Beautiful."

Revan's hands were all over his chest and back. She closed her eyes and moaned his name, running her fingers through his hair.

"_Oh, Malak…"_

"Oh, Carth," Revan moaned, more for her own benefit, blocking out the Force vision. The visions were becoming more vivid. Revan fought the urge to tell Carth to stop.

Carth kissed her, tracing the inside of her mouth with his tongue.

All the frustration since Taris, the flirtation since Dantooine, and the affection after Korriban found its release. Carth and Revan were left undisturbed by the rest of the crew, only Revan's memories preventing her from truly enjoying the moment.

* * *

They lay there in darkness under the blankets, tangled in each others arms. Revan pillowed her head against Carth's shoulder, her leg draped over his. "You okay?" Carth whispered. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" Revan whispered back.

"I didn't know if you…" he paused. "Way to ruin a mood, but I wasn't sure if you had any memories—"

"None," she lied.

"I'm glad."

They lay in silence for a few seconds before Revan whispered, "For someone who made a point in saying he hadn't done this in a long time—"

Carth chuckled, cutting off her sentence. "Who knew I still had it in me?"

Revan giggled. After a few more seconds of silence, Revan started to apologize.

"For what?" Carth asked.

"For earlier," she said. "Like, a few days ago. I… I was just—"

"Don't apologize," Carth said. "You said you needed time and I was more than happy to give it to you, Beautiful."

"I've wanted you so bad," she whispered. "Just lying here the last few nights…"

_You have no idea how hard it was to just lay here_, Carth thought. "Shhh," he said. "Don't say anything. Just… enjoy the moment."

Revan smiled.

"I bet your dinner's cold."

"You told me to stop talking and enjoy the moment," Revan said.

"I know," he replied, "but I just remembered you hadn't eaten."

"Later," she said. "I'll eat later. Right now… I just want to take your earlier advice…"

Carth smiled and kissed her forehead.

* * *

_Thanks to Ocelott for being one of the best Beta-readers ever! There is a longer version of this fic available, and we managed to cut it down to this for a T-rating. Thank you so much, Ocelott!_


	13. Promises To Keep

**Chapter Thirteen: Promises To Keep**

* * *

"…_they will listen."_

_Revan's brow furrowed. She looked around the bridge of the Sith vessel—The Leviathan. Malak stood at the window, staring down at Taris—no, it wasn't Taris. Revan could see grass… plains… Dantooine?_

"_Lord Malak, forgive me, but the people have spoken and united against our troops."_

_Revan turned. "Admiral Karath," she gasped. Wasn't he dead?_

"_Then destroy the cities!" Malak roared. "Level this planet! We will make an example of their disobedience!"_

"_Destroy the planet?" Revan asked. "Malak, why—"_

_Admiral Karath nodded. "It will be done, Lord Malak. Our ships are already in position."_

_Revan got in Malak's face. "Dantooine has no weapons!" she cried. "They're nothing but farmers! Why are you doing this? What's going on?"_

"_Good," Malak said. "Let the rest of the galaxy learn from Telos's mistake that Lord Malak isn't a weakling like Revan…"_

_Revan's eyes grew wide. "Force," she softly cursed. "Malak, don't!"_

_Malak cackled his mechanical cackle as Saul barked orders in the background. _

"_Malak, you can't do this!" Revan cried. But Malak didn't listen. He didn't even acknowledge she was there. "Malak, damn you!" she screamed._

_Nothing._

_Revan heard the sound of the main cannon firing. She looked out the window, seeing red beams of energy showering down on Telos. "Malak, you have to stop! You can't do this! There're innocent people on Telos! We didn't find the Star Forge to destroy planets!"_

_Still Malak said nothing. Revan turned and watched the shower of red beams. She'd never felt so helpless…_

_Suddenly Revan was running. She was on Telos's surface, running for her life. People were screaming, buildings and homes were being destroyed left and right. She tripped on rubble, then quickly picked herself back up began running again. A young girl was crying, alone, no adults stopping to help. She couldn't've been more than two. Revan rushed over and picked the little girl up. "You're going to be okay," Revan soothed. "I'll protect you."_

_Through the screaming and the blasts, Revan could hear the all too familiar sound of Sith rifles discharging. She looked over her shoulder seeing Sith Troops in formation, shooting at the fleeing Telosians. The man running besides her screamed and fell. Revan had to stop herself from turning around and healing him. One Jedi fleeing with a child in her arms was no match for the terror the Sith were unleashing. Tears flowed down her face as more people around her fell. How could Malak do this to these innocent people? Revan held the little girl tight as she dodged bodies and debris._

_A young boy tripped in front of her. With her free hand, Revan helped him up. He looked familiar, but in the panic, Revan didn't have time to think. She dragged the boy along until he was running on his own. He screamed for his mother, then started to run in the opposite direction._

"_THIS WAY!" Revan screamed. But the boy didn't acknowledge. She didn't have time to chase after him._

_The fighting suddenly stopped. No one was running, no one was screaming. Revan herself was standing still, the little girl no longer in her arms. The smell of blaster fire filled the air as she stood surrounded by injured and dead bodies. People were moaning, begging for help. Revan just stood there._

"_Miss… Miss…"_

_Revan turned and saw a woman lying on the ground, badly bleeding, and calling to her. Revan rushed over and knelt. "Yes?"_

"_Are you… Repub… lic…?"_

_Revan nodded. "I'm a Jedi."_

"_My… son… I lost… him…"_

"_There are survivors," Revan said. "The Republic's coming. They'll find him." Revan didn't know how she knew that information, but somehow she did. "What's your son's name?"_

"_My son… he's… lost…"_

"_I'm sure he's fine," Revan said, taking the woman's hand. "Please, save your strength. The Republic medics—" _

"_My… husband…"_

"_I'm sure he's—"_

"_He said he'd… come," she said. "The Sith… came first…"_

"_Is he a Republic officer?"_

"_Yes," the woman smiled. "So proud… of him…"_

"_I'm sure he's happy to know that," Revan smiled._

"_Take care of him."_

"_Take care of who?" Revan asked._

_The woman smile grew wider. "Take care… of Carth."_

_Revan let out a faint gasp. Her heart began to race._

"_Love him," she said, her voice full of compassion and tenderness. "Love him like… I did…"_

"_I… I will," Revan said._

"_Promise me?"_

_Revan nodded. "I… I promise. I love him. He's… he's a wonderful man."_

_The woman smiled. "I'm… so proud of him…"_

Revan's bright eyes snapped open. All she saw was darkness. All she felt was her pounding heart. It took her a few second to realize where she was. The Ebon Hawk… in her room… in Carth's arms…

Carth. Was that… his wife she saw? What exactly had she just seen? A Force Vision? An imprint? A communication? Whatever it was, it left her with chills. Her heart was still pounding in her chest. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself.

Revan jumped slightly as Carth stirred. In the darkness she found his hand and laced her fingers through his.

"_Take care… of Carth."_

Gently, Revan raised her head and kissed his cheek.

"Thank you."

Revan jumped. "I-I didn't know you were awake." Why hadn't she sensed that?

Carth lazily stroked her hair. "Been awake for a few minutes now," he whispered. "You were trembling in your sleep again."

"Oh," Revan lamely said. "Sorry."

"What did you dream?"

Revan bit her lip. He had to ask, didn't he? "I'm… I'm not quite sure if it was a dream," she whispered.

"What did you see then?"

Revan closed her eyes. "A planet being destroyed," she said. "People… running, screaming…" She sighed. "I'm… gonna talk to Jolee in, in the morning."

Carth gave her a gentle squeeze.

Revan let out a soft moan. "Force, I'm so hungry…"

"I think your dinner's definitely cold by now," Carth said.

Revan smiled. "What did you guys eat?"

"I'm not sure," Carth said, "but Mission was convinced it was scurrying around in the swoop hanger before it landed on our plates."

"Oh, that sounds appetizing."

"Jolee assured us he didn't capture it in the swoop hanger," Carth continued. "And Zaalbar said he liked it."

"Oh, like I trust those two," Revan said. She paused. "Are there any of those snack cakes left?"

Carth raised an eyebrow. "A Jedi cannot live on snack cakes alone."

Revan grinned. "Watch me."

Carth chuckled. "What am I going to do with you, woman?"

"Didn't you say Canderous had some ideas we should invest in?"

"Actually—"

"Careful, flyboy," Revan warned. She then giggled hysterically as Carth tickled her sides. "Stop—STOP!"

Carth grinned, then rolled onto his side. "I guess I gotta feed you now," he said. He lowered his head and kissed her, letting his lips linger on hers. "We don't need you starving to death."

Revan smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I suppose I could wait a few minutes before venturing off to the kitchen." She slid closer and began rubbing her leg up and down his.

Carth let out a low moan.

Revan slid the palm of her hand down his arm and over his hip. "Maybe… more than a few minutes."

"Temptress."

Revan giggled and pulled Carth closer…

Revan lay there afterwards, holding Carth in her arms. She lay on her back, Carth's head resting on her shoulder. He'd fallen asleep, breathing softly, and Revan held him close. Mindlessly she stroked his hair while she stared into the darkness. She had some visions of Malak during their lovemaking, but nothing as vivid and strong as before. But now all she could think of was her dream of Telos… and Morgana Onasi. She still wasn't sure if that truly was Morgana, or the Force messing with her mind again. Revan tucked Carth's head under her chin. It didn't matter, she decided. Carth promised to protect her, and Revan promised to love him.

"I love you, Carth Onasi," she whispered. "I promise."

* * *

_Thanks again to Ocelott for assuring me this wasn't a lame idea. _


	14. Morning on the Ebon Hawk

**Chapter Fourteen: Morning on theEbon Hawk**

* * *

Juhani stepped inside the kitchen, seeing Revan standing in front of the micro-oven, strumming her fingers against the countertop. "Morning," Revan smiled.

Juhani smiled and nodded, pulling a plate out of the cupboard. "How did you sleep last night?"

Revan didn't answer. Juhani turned and looked at her friend. Was Revan… blushing? "Revan?"

"Huh?—Oh, sorry," Revan said. "I, uh, slept fine."

"Good," Juhani replied. "These beds are terribly uncomfortable." She opened the refrigerator and looked for something to eat. "Where's Carth?"

"Probably still sleeping," Revan replied. Her grin got even wider and she muffled a giggle. "He, uh, had a rough night."

Juhani looked over at Revan. Her face was almost the shade of Canderous's vest, and her grin could have split her face in two. Glee and joy radiated from the former Sith Lord, so much so Juhani was certain even the non-Force sensitive could feel it.

"Are you okay?" Juhani asked.

Revan almost giggled the answer. "I'm fine."

"I've never seen you this happy before."

Revan looked at Juhani, her eyes brighter than usual. "Is that bad?"

Juhani shook her head. "I just… have not seen you truly happy since you finished your Jedi training on Dantooine."

Revan shrugged. "I get in my moods."

Something pushed against Juhani. She let out a yelp and heard a Carth's voice apologize. Turning her head, she saw Carth squeeze past her, wrap his arms around Revan's waist, pull her into a backwards embrace, then plant a kiss on her neck. "How'd you sleep?" Carth whispered.

Revan giggled. "Just fine. And you?"

"Never better," Carth grinned. He kissed her neck again.

Juhani cringed. But like a bad swoop wreck, she continued to watch.

Revan brought a hand up and stroked his beard, tilted her head to the side and smiled up at Carth. The emotions Revan had been broadcasting doubled, which Juhani didn't think was possible. She decided to leave the kitchen before the feelings got any stronger—or worse.

Jolee frowned as Juhani walked back into the common area with nothing. "I'm not as hungry as I thought," Juhani explained, sitting down next to the Jedi.

"Did you see the way Carth walked into the kitchen?" Mission whispered. She leaned over and tried to see what Carth and Revan were doing. "Why's he actin' like that?"

Canderous snorted. "Maybe he got laid."

"Thank you," Jolee said, "for bringing the level of this conversation down a few grades."

Canderous shrugged. "I call 'em as I see 'em."

A few seconds later Carth exited the kitchen. He smiled good morning to everyone, then had a seat.

Everyone at the table stared back, eyes wide.

Carth's brow furrowed. "What?"

"Query," HK-47 said, "are you feeling all right, Republic meatbag?"

"Never better," Carth answered. "Why?"

"Observation: Your personality this morning is 89.5 percent more pleasant, 56 percent more cheerful, and 74.25 percent more smug than usual," HK answered. "You are also curling your slimy, mucus-covered lips and blowing air out of your mouth, creating a high-pitched frequency meatbags refer to as 'whistling.' Seeing that you have not yet had your daily requirement of six cups of caffa, nor do I detect that you are intoxicated with an alcoholic substance, this strange exhibit of behavior requires me to inquire about your mental status."

Carth blinked. "I, uh, I'm fine, HK."

"Just 74.25 percent more?" Revan asked, exiting the kitchen with her and Carth's breakfast.

"Statement: It is a rough estimate, Master."

Breakfast was relatively uneventful. Whenever Revan or Carth caught someone staring, they stared back, only to have that person avoid eye contact. Nothing was talked about, everyone quiet. Juhani, Mission, and Zaalbar were the first to finish, leaving the common area. When Jolee finished and started to leave the room, Revan jumped up and rushed to his side. "I, uh, need to talk to you."

"Of course, my dear," Jolee said, pulling her off to the side. "You ready to tell me about that dream you had?"

"Which one?" Revan snorted. She closed her eyes. "This… this is…" She sighed. "I had a vision last night, I think."

"You think?"

"I'm not sure what it was, really." Revan bit her lip. "I thought it was a Force imprint, then I thought it was a regular dream…" She shook her head. "I… I just need—"

Jolee wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder. "Come. Let's find a place where we can talk."

Carth watched as Revan and Jolee walked down the hall. He finished his caffa, then stood up and headed for the cockpit. "Oh, incidentally. Canderous?"

"Yeah?" the Mandalorian said.

"Remember you told me that you heard how Jedi use the Force during foreplay?"

"Yeah. What of it?"

Carth grinned. "They use it the rest of the time, too."

* * *

Revan and Jolee sat cross-legged on the floor of Revan's quarters. The lights were turned off, only soft candles illuminating the room. Revan started off by telling Jolee of the vision she had of Malak and her.

"You were lovers?" Jolee said. Revan nodded. "I assume you told Carth?"

"Not exactly the way I wanted to," she sighed. "Carth said he wasn't angry, which was a relief. He told me that it didn't surprise him. It doesn't surprise me, either."

"Why?" Jolee asked.

Revan shook her head. "At the time, I didn't know, really." She thought of the visions from the previous night. "I… I still don't fully know. I have a better idea, I think…"

"I'm listening."

Revan sighed. "It's… complicated… and… embarrassing."

"How is it embarrassing?"

Revan's face flushed. "The memories trigger when I do something that subconsciously reminds me of something I did as Darth Revan."

"That's our working theory," Jolee said.

"Last night…" Revan pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh Force, how do I say this? Carth and I… last night… We… We, uh… We…"

Jolee raised an eyebrow.

"Well, we were… together," she said. "And, I mean… There was all this… pent up… frustration… The two of us… needed a release… And, uh…"

"The word you're looking for is 'sex.'"

Revan's face flushed even deeper. "Um… yeah," she softly said. "That."

"So you had sex," Jolee said. "And you had visions during it?"

Revan nodded. "I… I kept trying to fight them."

"What did you see?"

"Memories of me and Malak… Our first time… together."

Jolee nodded. "And that's what has you troubled? You're not sure if that was—"

"Not that, no," Revan said. "I was able to keep most of it suppressed. I kept… forcing myself to focusing on Carth. The second time we did it, the visions weren't as strong and vivid. The third time was just like the second…"

Jolee blinked. No wonder Carth had a spring in his step. "Did you tell Carth?"

Revan shook her head. "No, he… he thinks I didn't see anything."

"Why does he think that?"

Revan's face fell. "Because I lied when he asked me."

Jolee shook his head. "So what exactly has you troubled vision-wise?"

Revan pinched the bridge of her nose again. "I woke up from a dream… But I don't know if it was a dream." She sighed. "I… I was on the Leviathan, and I witnessed Malak ordering the destruction of Telos. I had nothing to do with it. He… He ordered Telos destroyed because they wouldn't listen to him, wouldn't bow to the Sith. Malak ordered Telos destroyed to show the galaxy that he wasn't a push-over like me… that he would kill innocent people because he felt like it. I screamed for him to stop, but he didn't hear me. Then… then I was on the surface, running. I had a little girl in my arms. I just kept running and running… But then…" Her voice trailed off.

"Then what?"

"She… spoke to me," Revan said. "I… I didn't think it was her until she… she spoke to me directly…"

"Didn't think it was who?" Jolee asked.

Revan's eyes focused on a spot on the floor. "I… I think I saw Morgana…"

Jolee was puzzled. "Who's Morgana?"

"My wife."

Revan looked up, then jumped and gasped. Carth was standing in the doorway, looking directly at her.


	15. Trust

**Chapter Fifteen: Trust**

* * *

Revan and Carth just stared at each other. Revan's heart was beating so fast she was surprised it didn't leap out of her chest. Her blood pressure was rising, and her face felt warm. Revan wanted nothing more than to melt through the floor, to disappear, to have HK shoot her and have it done with. She couldn't read Carth's emotions, other than to try and interpret the look on his face, which she could hardly see in the candlelight. 

Jolee stood up. "What are you doing here?" He sounded calm, almost conversational.

Carth ignored Jolee. He continued to stare at Revan. Revan was convinced that if Carth had been a Jedi, she'd be dead. She tried to calm herself so she could read Carth better, but it wasn't doing any good. The longer he stared that cold, hard stare, the faster her heart raced and the more she trembled.

Carth finally spoke. "Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

Revan closed her eyes. Carth's tone sounded like she had ripped his heart out and shoved it out an airlock. She didn't know what to say. Revan hugged her knees and refused to make eye contact.

"She was going to tell you," Jolee tried.

"Revan?" Carth asked, his tone wavering.

"I…" She couldn't speak. Her tone was even softer than Carth's. "How… much…"

"Did I hear?" he asked. "Enough to wonder… if you even trust me."

"Oh please, don't start with that," she whispered. No sooner had the words left her lips than did she wish she could retract them.

"Don't start with that?" he softly snapped. "How can you say something like that? Huh?"

Jolee tried to play diplomat. "Carth, Revan was going to tell you," he assured.

"Is that true, Revan?" Carth asked, pain slowly turning to anger. He clenched his fist and tried to regain his composure. "Were you going to tell me you saw my wife, or were you going to pretend it didn't happen?"

"I don't even know if it was her!" she softly cried, still avoiding eye-contact. "I don't know what I saw! That's why I was talking to Jolee."

"So you can tell him but you can't tell me?"

A single tear trickled down her face. "Please, Carth, don't do this to me."

"Dammit, Revan!" he cursed. "I asked you last night what you saw!"

"I told you I saw the destruction of a planet—"

"You forgot the part where it was Telos!" Carth roared. "You saw my home world destroyed. You saw Malak give the order. You know why he did it. Dammit, Revan, you should have told me!"

"What good would that have done?" Revan asked, holding her knees even tighter. "I don't know what it was I saw. It could have been a Force imprint, it could have been an actual vision, it could just have been a nightmare. I don't know—"

"You saw my wife!"

"I don't even know if it was her! I haven't a clue what she looks like—"

"You should have told me!"

"Told you what?" Revan cried. "What was I supposed to say?"

"Look, both of you just stop," Jolee said. "Right now. Stop." The room fell silent. Jolee took a deep breath. "This is getting us nowhere." He looked at Carth. "You want her to tell you her visions the second she has them. She can't do that. Force visions are very difficult to interpret. I've been usin' the Force longer than any of you have been alive, and even I can't figure out half the time what her visions are. And you, a Republic pilot, can?"

Jolee turned to Revan. "I understand that you don't want to tell Carth everything you saw until you know what it was that you did see. But that doesn't mean you should lie to him to make him feel better, either."

"So you lied to me, too?" Carth asked. "What the hell did you lie to me—" He stopped. "You did have visions of Malak last night, didn't you?"

Revan said nothing.

"Didn't you!" Carth threw his hands in the air. "Dammit, I should have known!"

"Carth," Jolee warned.

"Revan, I trusted you!" Carth cried. "Dammit, you trust me enough to sleep with you but you don't trust me enough to tell me about your visions?"

"Carth, that's enough," Jolee scolded.

Revan continued to tremble. She was angry and hurt, frustrated and dejected. She summoned the strength to look at Carth, and when she did, all her emotions poured into her tone. "You really have no idea what I'm going through, do you?" she managed to say, her voice shaking as she failed miserably to keep all her emotions in check. A single tear rolled down her face. "Do you?"

Carth looked at Revan. His heart leapt to his throat.

"You think I want to have these visions?" she asked. "You think I wanted to see Malak while you and I were making love? You think I wanted to keep telling myself that I wasn't making love to Malak, but making love to a man whom I care so deeply about?" Revan sniffed. Her tone remained unstable as she continued. "These aren't just flashbacks. I'm physically there, Carth. I can see everything clear as day. I can feel everything, sense everything… I'm there. I'm in her body. And there's not a _damn_ thing I can do about it." Another tear trickled down her face. "I can't speak, I can't move. I see everything through _her_ eyes and can't do anything! And all you can do is… is stand there and scold me out of jealousy because you're not the first person to know what I saw."

"Revan, I want to help you," Carth said. "And I can't help you if you don't talk to me!"

"I know you want to help," she whispered. "But I don't want to hurt you."

"You're only going to hurt me if you lie to me."

"I didn't want to," Revan said. She was trembling again. "I thought I was protecting you."

"Revan, you should have told me!" Carth snapped. "I worry about you, and when I specifically ask you if you saw something, I don't want to hear, 'Let me talk to Jolee first' or 'nothing' or anything else! I ask because I want to know, regardless if you think it's going to hurt me! Dammit Revan, do I mean anything to you?"

Revan was angrier now than she had been. "How dare you ask me that!" she spat. "How dare you, Onasi!"

"All right, that's enough!" Jolee roared. "Both of you!" He stood between where Carth stood and where Revan sat, his arms spread.

Carth snorted like Canderous, then exited the room. Revan hugged her knees and rested her forehead on her kneecaps, sobbing softly.

"Children!" Jolee softly cursed, then went after Carth. He passed Mission and Zaalbar in the hall and told Mission to go check on Revan. "Stay with her," Jolee said. "She needs a friend right now."

"I, uh, sure," Mission said, puzzled. "What's with Carth? He just—"

"Just stay with Revan," Jolee told her. "I'll tell you later."

Mission nodded. "Come on, Big Z."

Mission and Zaalbar opened the door to Revan's quarters. She was still curled up. Mission sat down next to her friend and put an arm around Revan's shoulders. "What happened?" Mission softly asked.

"I'm… I'm fine," Revan whispered.

"Jedis don't lie for a reason," Mission said. "Because they're terrible at it."

Revan sniffed. "I didn't mean to." She didn't want to lie to Carth. She wanted to protect him…

"I know you didn't," Mission smiled. "It's okay."

"Not according to Carth." Revan shook her head. "He thinks I don't… trust him…"

"Oh, like Carth's the one to talk," Mission snorted. Zaalbar growled in agreement. When Revan didn't smile or laugh, Mission bit her lip. "Look, uh, can I get you something? Maybe some of that Taris tea we found?"

Revan sniffed. "Yeah… Maybe that'll… help calm me down."

Mission nodded. "'Kay. I'll be right back." She turned to Zaalbar and gestured for him to take over. Zaalbar gruffed, then sat down on the floor and placed an arm around Revan. He growled in sympathy.

"I don't know, Zaalbar," Revan whispered. "I thought I was doing the right thing. I, I don't want to hurt him…"

Zaalbar huffed and barked.

Revan giggled. "No, ripping Carth's arms out of his sockets isn't going to help. But thanks for the offer."

* * *

Carth stormed through the common room, then headed down the hall towards the cockpit. "I don't want to talk about it!" 

Jolee chased after him. "Carth, dammit, I can stop you in your tracks!"

The cockpit door slammed shut.

Canderous, who had been sitting in the common room, turned to HK-47. "What the hell was that?"

"Statement: It appears the Republic meatbag does not wish to discuss something with the cranky meatbag," HK answered.

"No, really?" Canderous asked. "I got that."

"Query: If you already knew the answer—"

"Ah, shut up," Canderous grumbled.

Mission entered the common room and headed for the kitchen. Her headtails were drooping and she looked upset. "Mish, what the hell's goin' on?" Canderous asked.

"I dunno," she answered, making Revan's tea. "Revan's in her room crying, Jolee's chasin' after Carth. Somethin' big happened."

"Query: Perhaps if I kill the Republic meatbag, then Master will be happy?"

"No," Canderous said. "She needs the Republic meatbag to… satisfy her meatbag needs."

HK was puzzled. "Query: The Republic meatbag doubles as a gratification device?"

Canderous shrugged. "You could say that."

"You're disgusting," Mission cringed.

Canderous just smirked. "So HK, you need me to explain how Carth serves as Revan's gratification device?"

"Statement: I have observed—"

"You two are nothing but Gamorrean Pigs!" Mission cried. She grabbed Revan's tea and a snack cake. "I'm glad I'm still Revan's friend!" With that she stalked out of the room and back to Revan's quarters.


	16. That's What Friends Are For

**Chapter Sixteen: That's What Friends Are For**

* * *

Carth stormed through the common room, then headed down the hall towards the cockpit. "I don't want to talk about it!"

Jolee chased after him. "Carth, dammit, I can stop you in your tracks!"

Carth doubled his steps and slammed the cockpit door shut, almost smacking Jolee in the process.

Jolee sneered. "Children." He placed his hands on his hips. "Carth, open the door."

Nothing.

Jolee grumbled, then raised his hands. Slowly, the cockpit door slid open. Jolee stepped inside, then allowed the door to close again.

"What the hell's gotten into you?" Jolee scolded.

Carth was sitting in the pilot's seat, ignoring Jolee.

"Answer me, dammit!" the older Jedi spat.

Carth said nothing.

Suddenly Carth's chair spun around, and Carth was facing Jolee.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, boy!" Jolee snapped. "Now what the hell's gotten into you?"

Carth's words were dry and crude. "You tell me."

"You listen in on a conversation you weren't supposed to hear—"

"Wasn't supposed to hear?" Carth cried. "Dammit, how—"

"Wasn't supposed to hear _yet_," Jolee finished. "Just what were you doing outside—"

"So it's back to second-hand news?" Carth asked. "Blasted, Jolee, I don't like being left out of the loop!"

"She's not leaving you out of the loop, dammit!" Jolee cried. "Carth, don't you get it? Who's the first person she turns to in a crisis? When she wakes up from a nightmare, does she scream Zaalbar's name? Juhani's? Mine?"

"Then why—"

"Because she wants to know what she saw before she tells you," Jolee said. "She doesn't want to hurt you anymore than she already has!"

"She's hurting me by not telling me—"

"You want her to tell you she saw the destruction of Telos and the death of your wife only to then turn around and go, 'Oh, my mistake! It was only a nightmare! It wasn't real!'"

"It's better than her lying to me!"

"Carth, it broke her heart when she found out she was Darth Revan, and you wouldn't speak to her or help her through it!" Jolee yelled. "She doesn't want a repeat of that! That's why she—"

"Then maybe she should start talking to me instead of leaving me hanging!" Carth snapped. "Because if this keeps up, I'm not makin' any promises to her anymore!"

Jolee sighed. This was going nowhere. He could feel Carth's emotions boiling inside the pilot. Anger, hurt, fear, concern… love…

Revan and Carth really needed to talk.

Jolee took a deep breath. "I'm going to get a cup of tea," he said, turning to leave. "If you feel like talking, Revan's still in your room."

The cockpit door closed.

Carth just sat there. He turned his chair back around and stared out the window. The beeps and boops of the cockpit instruments fell to the background. Carth closed his eyes, let out a soft curse, then tried to find some way to calm down.

* * *

"So what the hell's going on?" Canderous asked as Jolee entered the common room.

"Nothing that concerns you," Jolee answered, heading for the kitchen.

"Hey, pal," Canderous said, "I'm a member of this crew, too. So whatever's goin' on around here does concern me."

Jolee said nothing.

"Carth get all pissed off that Revan had another Malak-humping vision?"

Jolee turned around. "You know, you are quite possibly the rudest son of a kath hound I have ever met."

Canderous muttered an apology. "Look, I'm just as concerned about her mental status as everyone else around here."

Jolee turned back around and poured himself a cup of tea. He sighed and sadly shook his head. "The problem is, she doesn't know what she's seeing. Some of her visions are memories, some are Force imprints of things that happened she didn't witness, and some are just regular dreams."

"And lemme guess," Canderous said. "Republic-boy ain't happy she wants to figure out the visions before she tells him?" Jolee looked at Canderous. "I heard them in here two nights ago talkin' about her and Malak. He practically beat the information out of her. She kept tellin' him to shut up, but he kept at it. She finally screamed she and Malak were lovers, then ran outta the room."

Jolee shook his head. "That boy needs to leave her alone until she's ready to talk."

"Yeah, but he wouldn't have the title of 'Captain Paranoid' if he did," Canderous snorted. He drank his caffa then stood up. "You need me to go throw him around again?"

"Canderous—"

"Five minutes," Canderous said. "I'll have him straightened out."

"Canderous—"

"I'll tie one hand behind my back."

Jolee stared at the Mandalorian. "I appreciate the loyalty, but no."

"HK here offered to kill him," Canderous said, jabbing a thumb in the copper droid's direction. "Thought that might cheer Revan up."

HK cocked his blaster. "READY!"

"Canderous—"

"We could get Zaalbar to rip his arms out of his socket."

"Appalled Statement: You would leave the death of the Republic meatbag to the likes of the Wookiee?" HK asked. "He would leave the cockpit in shambles!"

Jolee just glared. "Believe it or not, this situation cannot be solved with unadulterated violence."

Canderous grinned. "But it would be entertaining."

Jolee rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I'm gonna go check on her," he said, holding his mug. "Poor kid's shakin' like a leaf. I can feel her from here." He pointed at Canderous. "No."

"But—"

"Leave Carth alone or it'll be your arms Zaalbar rips out of their sockets," Jolee warned. He turned to HK-47. "You, too."

Canderous scowled and sat back down at the common room table.

HK sighed sadly. "Statement: Our art goes unappreciated yet again, Mandalorian meatbag."

* * *

Revan was curled up, leaning against Zaalbar and sipping her tea when Jolee entered the room. Her face was red and she looked exhausted. "How are you feeling, my dear?" Jolee softly asked.

Revan looked up at him with her bloodshot eyes. "Peachy."

Jolee smiled sadly.

"Zaalbar's gonna rip Carth's arms outta his sockets," Mission said. "That outta teach him!"

Jolee blinked and looked out the door towards Canderous, then back at Mission. "Get in line," he said.

Revan shook her head. "This is all my fault—"

"Don't you dare," Jolee warned. "The only thing you did wrong was lie to him. The rest of this is his problem." Jolee sat back on his heels. "Carth'll come around. Man's stubborn as they come, but…" He sighed. "He cares about you, Revan. Make no mistake about that."

"Then why—"

"Because he's a guy," Mission said. "Remind me to tell you about the one swoop racer and his Rodian girlfriend."

Jolee's brow wrinkled. "That's part of it, Mission." He looked at Revan. "Give him some time to cool down. He'll start thinkin' clearly then."

"Where is he?" she asked.

"In the cockpit. Where else?"

Zaalbar growled and gruffed.

"Big Z's right, Revan," Mission nodded. "You should finish your tea and get some rest."

"I'm, I'm fine," she insisted.

"Zaalbar and I'll stand guard," Mission said. "We'll make sure that Telosian slugworm leaves you alone until his head's unstuck from his butt."

Revan smiled at the thought of Mission and Zaalbar ganging up on Carth. "Thank you."


	17. Amends

**Chapter Seventeen: Amends**

* * *

Carth spent the day in the cockpit, thinking about his earlier words to Revan. It angered him so much that she hadn't told the full truth, and angered him even more that no one seemed to have a problem with it. He tried seeing things through her eyes, through Jolee's eyes, and through his eyes, re-analyzing what he could remember of the argument. He cared so much about Revan. Didn't she see that? 

He eventually dozed off in the cockpit, and as a result slept through lunch and dinner. When he awoke, his stomach growled loudly at him. Carth wrinkled his nose, stood up, stretched, and then headed for the kitchen to find something to eat. Canderous and HK were sitting in the common room, HK polishing his blaster rifle. Carth wasn't sure it was such a good idea putting those two together, but at least they were out of trouble. He nodded at them, then entered the kitchen.

Carth made himself a quick sandwich, all the while thinking about much he needed to talk to Revan. He didn't want to stay angry at her. The visions weren't he fault; that much he knew. But why did she continue to stay so closed mouthed about them? He knew this much: Revan wasn't going to start talking to him until he apologized for exploding in her face. The pain on her face when he unleashed his anger at her… it hurt him so much to see her so crushed. Carth promised he'd never hurt her, and he was certain his words did more damage than any lightsaber or blaster pistol could. He was still angry, but she didn't deserve all he had said.

Carth finished his dinner, tossed the crumbs in the trash, then turned to exit the kitchen. He saw Canderous standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, and a scowl on his face.

"What?" Carth hesitantly asked.

Canderous said nothing.

"What?" Carth asked again.

HK came into view. "Statement: The Mandalorian meatbag has been ordered not to cause bodily harm to you, although he desires to greatly. I, too, have been ordered not to shoot you, which is an insult to my ability to protect my Master."

Carth took that as his cue to leave the common room.

He walked down the hall towards Revan's quarters. It was best to talk to her now rather than wait until morning. And judging solely on Canderous and HK, it _really_ was a good idea to talk to Revan now.

Carth reached Revan's door only to find Zaalbar and Mission sitting outside it, playing Paazak. "Hey," he said, anticipating hostility. After all, Mission and Zaalbar didn't play cards outside Revan's quarters because there was no other place to play. They were most certainly on guard duty. "Can I get by?"

"Zaalbar, you hear something?" Mission asked.

Zaalbar woofed.

"Can I please get through?" Carth asked again.

Mission flipped over a card. "Zaalbar, your turn."

"Mission, I want to see Revan," Carth said. "I want to talk to her."

She looked up at Carth. "Oh, _now_ you want to talk to her? Or do you just wanna scream at her s'more?"

"Mission—"

"Don't you 'Mission' me, you Telosian slime devil!" Mission snapped, standing up. She barely came up to Carth's chin, but that didn't stop her. She jabbed a finger in Carth's chest. "In case you hadn't noticed, if you wanna talk to Revan, you gotta get past me and Big Z!"

Carth closed his eyes. "Mission—"

"I'm not done yet!" she snapped.

"Mission, you don't understand—"

"Oh, I understand enough to know that you can be a real—"

Zaalbar growled.

"You said it, Big Z," Mission said, her arms crossed.

"Mission, I just want to talk to Revan," Carth said.

Zaalbar huffed.

Mission turned to her best friend, her eyes narrow. "All right." She poked Carth in the chest again. "You try anything funny and Zaalbar'll smack you so hard you'll forget how to fly the Hawk!"

"I'll, uh, be careful," Carth said.

"You better," she warned. "We're gonna be out here the whole time makin' sure."

Carth pushed passed Mission and opened the door to Revan's quarters, mentally adding Mission and Zaalbar to the growing list of people pissed off at him. Although he hadn't run into Juhani or T3, he was fairly certain they were on Revan's side, too.

The door closed behind him, plunging the room into darkness. "Revan?" he softly asked into the darkness.

He heard the sound of a person rolling over in bed, the rustling of blankets, and the sound of someone settling down on the mattress…

"Revan, I—"

The light above Revan's bed snapped on. She sat there wearing a t-shirt, her hair loose and resting on her shoulders. The blankets were wrapped around her. Carth's heart leapt to his throat as he took a step closer and saw her eyes were bloodshot, and the color drained from her cheeks. Revan was a wreck, but she still looked so beautiful.

"Revan, I…" Carth sighed. "I want to… to talk."

Revan sat there, looking at him. Carth felt uncomfortable under her stare. It was too calm of a stare. He'd seen her take on Dark Jedi, insane Selkath, and Darth Bandon with that same stare. Carth's heart skipped a beat as Revan shot to the top of his People Not To Upset Ever list.

"I… I was wrong," Carth sighed. "I'm sorry, Revan."

Revan still said nothing. Her head tilted to the side. Carth knew what that meant; he'd seen that look on her face before. She was reading him, sensing his emotions.

"Revan, I… I didn't mean to overhear the conversation you were having with Jolee," he whispered. "I was on my way to the 'fresher, and I heard you talking. I, I wasn't paying any attention until I heard 'Telos'…" His voice trailed off.

Revan still stared.

Carth didn't know what else to say. "Beautiful, if, if you can read my emotions, you know I'm telling the truth. And, and you know I know I over-reacted, especially when I heard you saw my wife—"

"I _think_ I saw her," Revan corrected.

Well, at least she was talking. "Think you saw her, yes," he said.

The room fell silent again.

"Revan, I…" Carth hung his head. "Revan, you, you have to understand that I want to help you. Seeing you tremble in your sleep tears me apart. I, I feel so, so helpless. And when you tell me you don't want to talk about it… Beautiful, I feel… useless, that I can't even help the woman I—" He stopped. "I can't even help the woman I promised I'd protect. You have to let me try, Revan. If you want to, to meditate with Jolee and try to figure out what the vision was trying to tell you… then, then fine. But just… just don't lie to me or tell me a half-truth because you think it'll protect me. I want to help you, Revan. You have to believe me. You have to let me try."

Revan closed her eyes.

"Please, Revan," he pleaded. "We've been through so much together. We've come so far. Let me do my best to help you with this."

Revan still just sat there.

"Beautiful, I'm barin' my soul here," he whispered. "I don't know what else to say."

Revan stared at Carth for a few more seconds before she broke the gaze and looked down at her lap. "It was a dream, Carth," she whispered. "Nothing more. It wasn't a vision. It wasn't a Force imprint. I've… I've done a lot of meditating on, on what I saw."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

Revan nodded. "I don't know about, about Malak's order. But… I know that everything I saw on Telos's surface was just a dream."

"And my wife?"

"I don't know if it was her, Carth," Revan repeated, looking up at him.

"What makes you think it was her?"

Revan closed her eyes. "Because of… of what she said to me."

Carth gestured at the bed, asking if he could sit down. Revan hesitated for a moment, then nodded. Carth sat down next to her, yet careful to keep his distance, just in case. "What did she say to you?"

Revan bit her lip and closed her eyes. "I… I was standing in the middle of, of all these dead and injured bodies. She… she called to me. I went over to help. I held her hand, told her everything was going to okay. She, she kept repeating that her son was lost. I told her there were survivors and that I was sure he was okay."

Carth slid closer. "Did she say his name?"

Revan shook her head. "She told me… that her husband was a Republic officer; that he promised to come to Telos, but the Sith got their first."

Carth closed his eyes.

"She… she told me, 'Take care of him,'" Revan said.

"Take care of who?"

"I asked her," she said. "She just… looked at me and smiled, then said, 'Take care of Carth.'"

Carth felt a chill run down his spine.

"I just… just looked at her," Revan continued. "Then she kept repeating, 'I'm so proud of him…'"

Carth felt a lump in his throat. "What else?" he managed to say.

_She told me to love you._ "I woke up," Revan whispered. They sat in silence for a few seconds before Revan said, "I should have told you. I'm so sorry. I just… I just wanted to be certain of what I saw—"

"It's okay, Revan," he said.

"No, it's not," she whispered. "I should have told you. I shouldn't've lied—"

"I understand why you did," Carth said. "I'm not… entirely happy, but I understand."

"I shouldn't've kept you in the dark—"

"Beautiful, I've done a lot of thinking about this, too," he said. "And I think… I think I'm more upset over what you saw more than the fact you didn't tell me." She looked at him, her head tilted to the side again. "Just hear me out," Carth said. "What happened to Telos and my family is something… something I'll never be able to get over. I thought I died that day; that my life was over. Now I've gotten to a point where I'm looking forward again, all because of you. Then I find out you have a dream about Telos and you think you saw my wife… Everything came rushing back again…"

Carefully, Revan spoke. "When you asked me last night what I saw, my first thought was I couldn't tell you. I was scared of what you might say, and how you'd take the news. You don't exactly… blurt out in bed that you think you dreamt about the other person's planet being attacked… or their dead spouse."

"That… would have been a bit chilling," Carth softly admitted.

Revan screwed up her courage. "Or tell you during… that I kept seeing Malak."

Carth's eyes met hers. He could see the tears forming again.

"I didn't want…" Revan bit her lip. "I wanted our first time… I wanted it to be… special."

"I don't know how you were able to stand it," Carth said, "with, with all the visions."

"I don't know either," Revan whispered. "I just… kept trying to focus on you. It, it wasn't so bad the, the other times. I could block it… better. But the first time… Carth, it was just… the visions… It was horrible. I tried so hard…"

Carth reached over and gently tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I shouldn't've exploded at you. I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't've lied."

Carth sighed. "Revan, I'm not even going to pretend that I understand what you're going through. I don't. And I hope it never happens to me. And honestly, it wasn't until you, you screamed at me what you go through every time…" His face fell. "I'm not going to stop asking you what you saw after a vision. But promise me you'll, you'll tell me something of what you saw, even if you just talk it out to get it off your chest."

"Only if you promise me that if I tell you I'm not ready to talk, you'll respect my decision and let me be until I am ready," Revan said.

"Done."

Revan smiled. She stared into Carth's dark eyes, then looked at his face as whole, like she was trying to burn his image into her mind. "She was proud of you, Carth," Revan whispered.

Carth nodded. "I know she was."

"I'm proud of you, too."

Carth cupped the side of Revan's face. "I… I see so much of her in you," he admitted.

"But I'm not her."

"I never said you were," Carth said. "No, you…" He sighed. "You share a lot of her qualities, but you're so different at the same time. She, she would have liked you." Carth smiled, then looked away briefly. He turned back to Revan and looked into her bright eyes. "Are… are we okay again?"

Revan smiled, then nodded. "We're okay," she whispered.

"I don't want to have another fight about this, Beautiful."

"I don't either."

Carth smiled, then lowered his head and kissed her. Revan kissed back, slid closer, and wrapped her arms around his neck. Everything wasn't entirely back to normal. Revan could still sense pain and sorrow from Carth. It would take some time, but they were better off now than they were that afternoon. It was a start, at least, Revan thought as she mindlessly fingered the hair at the back of Carth's neck. And that was better than nothing.

* * *

_Again, there's a longer version of this chapter... but I gotta keep this a "T" rating... Sorry! And since I've just stated there's a longer version of this chapter, I guess you can pretty much figure out what happens next..._


	18. Decisions

**Chapter Eighteen: Decisions**

* * *

_Revan walked up the steps to a temple. She didn't know exactly where she was, but she knew she had to be there. Revan turned to her side, seeing Juhani and Jolee just steps behind her. She looked forward again, walking upward, her lightsaber gripped tightly. Something was waiting for her… but she didn't know what._

_They reached the top of the stairs, turned right, and saw a long, white-stone walkway. A dark figure stood at the other side of the walkway; Revan couldn't see who it was. She turned to Jolee, who urged her forward._

_Revan walked down the walkway, focusing on the figure, reaching out to the Force in an attempt to figure out who it was. But she sensed nothing. Revan tried harder, but soon gave up as the figure came into focus._

"_Bastila?" Revan gasped. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"_

"_I knew you'd come, Revan," Bastila smiled._

_As Revan continued to step further, she saw all the color had drained from Bastila's face. Revan gasped. "Bastila, what happened? What did Malak do to you?"_

_Bastila's smile turned evil. "He showed me my true potential."_

"_What are you talking about?" Revan asked. Then she stopped. "No… Force, no, Bastila!"_

"_As if you're the one to talk, Revan," Bastila cackled. "You showed Malak, and he showed me."_

"_Bastila, don't do this!" Revan cried. "Don't become what—"_

"_Don't become what I what?" Bastila asked. "You were once Darth Revan, and you drank in your dark power. It fueled you, drove you. You've simply forgotten." Bastila grinned. "Come with me and let me help you remember."_

_Revan took a step backwards. "You can't be serious."_

"_I have never been more serious in my life," she answered. "Don't you see? If you reclaim your title as Dark Lord, then you can challenge Malak and un-do everything he's done!"_

"_I can't go back to being a Sith Lord!" Revan cried. "I've made a promise to Carth—"_

"_Malak destroyed Carth's home world, didn't he?" Bastila said. "He did it to spite you, Revan. He did it to show the galaxy how powerful he had become. If you were still in power, Telos and Taris would never have been destroyed, and Carth wouldn't be mourning the death of his wife and the corruption of his child."_

_Revan's heart leapt to her throat._

"_You would have full control of the Star Forge again! Think of the resources at your fingertips! You could help rebuild Telos and Taris. It will take the Republic years, but you could do it in days, Revan! You could give Carth and all his people their planet again!"_

_She could help… All those innocent people, displaced, murdered, their planet destroyed… Revan could rebuild those worlds…_

"_The Star Forge… can do that?" Revan asked. "I don't… remember…"_

"_Reclaim your title!" Bastila cried. "Then the power of the Star Forge and the army of the Sith will be yours!"_

_Jolee placed a hand on Revan's shoulder. "Don't do it, kid!"_

_Revan looked at Jolee. "Don't you see? I… I could help these people!"_

"_That's the same belief you entered the Mandalorian Wars with!" Jolee snapped. "And look what happened!"_

"_But… But I could do it differently this time," Revan said. "I… I could… I could do good…"_

"_Yes, Master!" Bastila cried._

"_No!" Jolee cried. "I won't let you do this!"_

"_Jolee, don't you understand?" Revan asked. "I… I took Telos away from Carth. I can give it back!"_

"_You didn't do anything to Carth!" Jolee retorted. "Malak did that! She's messing with your mind, Revan! She's telling you what you want to hear! If you listen to her, you'll revert back to your old ways! Don't do it, Revan!"_

_Bastila turned her lightsaber on. "If you're not with us, old man, you're against us."_

"_Revan, listen to reason!" Jolee cried. "You've come so far. Don't rejoin the Sith!"_

"_I'm not rejoining the Sith," Revan said. "I'm helping people! Can't you see that?"_

_Jolee turned his lightsaber on. "Don't make me do this, kid."_

"_You old fool!" Bastila spat. "You cannot even begin to comprehend the power of the Star Forge!"_

_Jolee lunged at Bastila. "NO!" Revan screamed. But it was too late. Bastila reacted faster, slicing through Jolee. He fell to the ground, bleeding… dead._

"_NO!" Revan cried out. "Bastila! NO!"_

"_The old man thought he could take me," Bastila cackled._

_Juhani just stood there. "Bastila, how could you—"_

"_Join us or die!" Bastila demanded. _

_Juhani took a few steps backwards, then fled. Bastila laughed again, then struck Juhani with Force lightning. Revan screamed again. "What are you doing?"_

"_You've forgotten the power of the Dark Side!" Bastila said. "These fools do not understand!"_

"_That doesn't mean you should kill them!"_

"_What does it matter, Master?" Bastila asked. "What are a few foolish Jedi compared to the power at your fingertips? The followers you'll have?"_

"_I want to help people, Bastila, not kill them! I don't need people worshiping me like I'm some God!"_

_Bastila's eyes narrowed. "Ask him! Ask him if he follow you!"_

_Revan turned and saw Carth standing there… just watching._

"_If he refuses to follow you, Darth Revan, then he deserves to die!"_

_Carth took a step forward. "Darth Revan? What, what are you talking about?" He looked at Revan._

"_I… I haven't—"_

"_Revan has reclaimed her title as Dark Lord of the Sith!" Bastila cried. "All hail Darth Revan! Bow before her, you fools!"_

_Carth looked at Revan in disbelief. "You can't be serious… Revan?"_

"_I… I can help people, Carth," Revan said. "The Star Forge… Bastila says it can rebuild the worlds the Sith destroyed. Taris, Dantooine… Telos. Carth, I could give you back Telos!"_

"_Revan, don't do this," Carth said. "I'd… I'd rather lose Telos forever than have you turn to the Dark Side in order to save it! Don't you see what you're doing?"_

_Revan shook her head. "I can help people! I can do things right this time!"_

"_Beautiful, don't—"_

"_You can't be serious, Carth!" Revan cried. "I could undo everything Malak's done, keep the Republic strong, rebuild worlds, bring back families. I… I could overthrow Malak and use the Star Forge for good, to, to shape the galaxy the way it was meant to be! You… You could be there with me, Carth. You, you could help."_

_Carth gripped his blaster pistol. "Don't do this, Revan."_

_Revan looked at the blaster in his hand. "What are you doing? Carth, what are—"_

"_You're not the woman I fell in love with," Carth said. "The woman I love would never do this, would never turn to the Dark Side under the pretenses she could shape it to her will and do good! You'll revert to your old ways, Revan! Don't do this!"_

_Revan was speechless. "I… I haven't… Carth, what—"_

_Bastila stepped forward. "You always were a fool, Onasi!" She turned to Revan. "Strike him down, Master!"_

"_You leave her alone, Bastila!" Carth cried. "You've done enough damage to her already!"_

_Bastila cackled. "She's reclaimed her rightful title and there's nothing you can do!"_

_Carth aimed his blaster at Bastila and pulled the trigger. Bastila blocked it and with angered outburst tossed her lightsaber at Carth. Revan screamed as the lightsaber struck Carth, slicing him in two, killing him instantly._

"_CARTH!"_

_Bastila just laughed. _

"_CARTH!" Revan sobbed, falling to her knees. "No… No!"_

"_All the crying in the world won't bring him back, Master," Bastila sneered. "Come. We have things to do!"_

_Anger filled Revan. She grabbed her lightsaber, let out a scream, and killed Bastila. _

_A mechanical laugh filled the air. Revan turned to see Malak standing there, lightsaber in hand. "Very good, Revan. Very, very good."_

Revan's eyes snapped open, and she let out a loud gasp. Her heart was racing. She gripped the sides of her chair as she repeated to herself: _It was a dream… I'm on the Ebon Hawk… I'm in the cockpit… It was a dream… Just a dream…_

"Beautiful, you okay?"

Revan quickly turned her head to the side and saw Carth sitting in the pilot's chair, looking at her oddly. "What?" she asked.

"Are you okay?" he asked again. "You look… spooked. Did you have another vision?"

Revan leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. She recited the Jedi Code over and over again, but it wasn't helping. Revan opened her eyes and stood up from the co-pilot's chair, heading for the door. She stopped half-way once she realized she hadn't a clue where she was headed. Revan turned back around and saw Carth watching her every move. His eyes begged her to talk to him, but after their last argument, he'd agreed not to say anything until she was ready.

"We… still on route for… the Star Forge?" Revan whispered.

Carth nodded. "Should be there sometime tomorrow."

Revan sighed, stared at the floor, then tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. She looked back up at Carth, who was still looking at her. Revan felt the emotions he was broadcasting. He wanted to help her, but he didn't know what to say or do for fear of setting her off again. "Hold me," Revan whispered, walking over to him.

Carth extended his arms and eased her down on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her as she sat sideways on his lap, and rested her head on his shoulder. "Talk to me," he whispered, resting his cheek against her forehead.

Revan closed her eyes, then told him every last detail of the dream she had.


	19. The Night Before

**Chapter Nineteen: The Night Before**

* * *

Revan stood alone in the kitchen, nursing a warm cup of tea. She leaned against the counter, her head lowered. Sometime tomorrow afternoon Carth had said they'd be at the Star Forge. Revan wasn't ready. She'd trained with Canderous a few times, and Jolee had taught her some new Force abilities, but she wasn't ready. Revan could train for three years solid and she'd never be ready. The task of tracking down Malak and stopping him didn't seem as difficult when she was simply Liana, a scout recruited by the Jedi Council to help. But now that she knew the truth, things were different. What if she was tempted to turn to the Dark Side, whether by Malak or on her own? What was that dream she had in the cockpit trying to tell her? 

Revan knew what it was trying to tell her: if she turned to the Dark Side, she'd lose everything. Jolee, Juhani… Carth…

Why couldn't she just be Liana? Why couldn't she just be an ultra-talented newbie? Why did she have to be a former Sith Lord?

Why did she have to know she was a former Sith Lord? If they had just moved faster on the Leviathan, they wouldn't've run into Malak—

Malak. Her former lover…

Things just kept getting worse.

"Hey, it's getting late." Revan turned and saw Carth standing in the doorway of the kitchen. He smiled at her, but she didn't smile in return. His smile fell. "You should get some sleep," he said.

Revan nodded, then stared at her tea cup.

"C'mon, Beautiful," Carth half-smiled, "I'll walk you home."

Revan bit her lip. "I can't do this, Carth," she whispered.

"Can't do what?" he asked. He stopped. "The Star Forge?"

"I can't do it," she repeated. "I'm not ready…"

Carth stepped in front of her and cupped the side of her face. "Hey, of course you can," he reassured. "Beautiful, you're the strongest person I know. We'll be with you. Every step of the way." Revan looked up at him. "You're not doing this alone. I'm gonna be there, fighting by your side like always. So will everyone else."

"I don't know, Carth," she whispered. "I just… It seemed so far away, and now…"

"Shhh," he said. "I know. I can't even begin to understand what you're going through right now, or what you'll go through when we get there. I'm sorry I can't help you with that."

"I don't know what's going to happen when we get there," Revan said. "I know he knows I'm coming… I just don't know what to expect… What if he's stronger than I am? What if I can't defeat him? What if I turn? What if—"

"You won't turn, Revan," Carth said. "You won't go back to being that, that horrific monster you once were. You've changed, Revan. You've come so far."

"It doesn't work that way, Carth," she whispered. "Not for a Jedi. One slip… just one… In my dream I thought I was doing the right thing, that, that I could regain my title but do good instead… I thought I was going to give you Telos back—"

"We've discussed this," Carth said. "And what did I tell you?"

Revan looked up at him. "That you agreed with yourself in my dream; that you'd rather lose Telos forever than have me turn to the Dark Side in order to save it."

Carth smiled and nodded. He brushed strands of hair away from her face, then kissed her forehead. "I made a promise to you that I'd give you a reason not to fall to the Dark Side."

"I know," she whispered. Revan's eyes met his. "Keep reminding me."

Carth held her chin with his thumb and index finger and tilted her head up. He brushed a kiss against her lips. "C'mon. Let's get you to bed." He took the tea cup out of her hand and placed it on the counter.

"Carth?"

"What?"

Revan hesitated, then turned away. "Never, never mind."

"No, tell me," he said. Carth turned her head so she was forced to look at him. "Talk to me, Beautiful."

Revan looked deep into his eyes. "Make love to me tonight. Please?"

Carth blinked. "You have to ask?"

"I just want… I… I could die tomorrow, and—"

"Don't talk like that," Carth said.

"It's a very real possibility, Carth," Revan said. "You have to understand—"

"You're not going to die, Revan," he said.

"Malak almost killed me on the Leviathan. I wasn't strong enough. If it wasn't for Bastila intervening when she did, I might very well—"

"You're stronger than Malak now. You'll—"

"I'm not so sure about that. And now I know more about him than I did back on the Leviathan, which makes it even harder. I know more about us, about what he and I—"

"Revan—"

"Carth, please," Revan whispered. "I don't want to die tomorrow, and I promise you I will do everything in my power not to, and everything in my power to stay with the Light Side, the good side. But if something happens that I can't foresee now, that's beyond my power to control… Carth, I just… I just want the night before… to be happy… I—"

Carth kissed her. He gathered her in his arms, held her tight, and kissed her as hard as he could without breaking her. When he broke the kiss, Revan just stood there, her eyes closed, frozen in place. It took her a few seconds to realize he had stopped. She caught her breath and looked into his eyes.

"This won't be our last time together, Beautiful," Carth huskily said.

Revan shook head. "I don't want it to be," she whispered. "Just… our last time before, before the Star Forge."

Carth nodded. "Before the Star Forge."

Revan bit her lip and stared at his face. She wanted the Star Forge to be a week away again… a month even. Why couldn't she and Carth have been at this stage in their relationship months ago? All this time they could have spent in one another's arms…

"Is the coast clear?" Carth asked.

Revan's brow wrinkled. "Huh?"

"Is the coast clear?" Carth repeated.

Revan blinked, reached out to the Force, then nodded. "Why?"

"Good," Carth smiled. He bent over and scooped Revan in his arms. Revan giggled, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him as carried her off to her quarters and locked the door behind him.

* * *

Carth held Revan close and tight as she slept. He prayed that she slept peacefully, that no visions or nightmares kept her awake. With the exception of her earlier dream in the cockpit, she hadn't had one since their huge fight, which was days ago. Revan needed rest… lots of rest. 

Revan sighed in her sleep. Carth gave her a gentle squeeze.

What if she did die tomorrow?

Carth closed his eyes. Images of a burning Telos flashed before his eyes. He quickly opened his eyes and again and stared into the darkness. He couldn't lose Revan like he lost Morgana. He wouldn't lose her… Jolee had said that he and Juhani should be the ones to accompany Revan on the Star Forge, but Carth wouldn't hear any of it. He was going to be there, fighting along side. If she fell, he was going to be there to catch her. But the top priority was ensuring she didn't fall.

After a few minute of just laying there in silence, Carth gently and carefully untangled himself from Revan's arms, then sat on the edge of the bed. He wasn't going to be much help tomorrow if he didn't get any sleep. Carth raked his fingers through his hair, then fished around in the dark for his clothes. He got dressed then headed out to the common room to get something to drink.

Carth entered the common room, then stopped. Canderous was sitting at the common room table, a mug in his hand, staring at a gizka who had perched himself on top of the table. The gizka was staring back at Canderous.

"Am I interrupting something?" Carth asked.

Canderous took a sip of his drink, all the while staring at the creature on top of the table. "We've been at this for half an hour," Canderous answered.

Carth's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"Because."

Carth opened his mouth to ask a question, but decided not to. Instead he asked, "So if you're in here, who's—"

"HK."

Carth blinked. "HK's on cockpit duty?"

"Told him Revan was concerned the navi-computer was going to attack," Canderous said. "He's standing in the cockpit ready in case."

"How is the navi-computer—"

"I dunno, but he bought it," Canderous answered.

Carth shook his head. "So he's in there so you can sit out here and stare at the gizka?"

"No, he's in there so I could come in here and eat something," he said. "Then this frog-thing hopped up on the table and… just… stared…"

"So you stared back?"

"When a warrior is challenged, he doesn't back down," Canderous said.

"Uh-huh. So, uh, how many glasses of Tarisian ale have you had in the past half hour?"

Canderous took another sip, then slammed his mug down. "Nine."

"Uh-huh. And you broke the stare to refill—"

"Nope." Still staring at the gizka, Canderous pointed to his left.

Carth took a few steps forward, looked into the kitchen, then sadly shook his head. "You've got a top of the line astromech droid bartending for you?"

"Gotta find some use for the garbage disposal," Canderous said. He held his glass out to the side. T3 rolled into the common room carrying a pitcher of Tarisian ale. The droid filled up the Mandalorian's glass, then wheeled the pitcher back into the kitchen.

Carth closed his eyes. Maybe he should have stayed in bed.

"How's Revan?" Canderous asked.

"Sleeping," Carth answered, walking into the kitchen. "Thank the Force. She's going to be a basketcase tomorrow, I just know it."

"How so?"

Carth opened up the ice chest. "She's scared to face Malak. She's got it in her head that she's going to die."

"Ain't that Dark Side talk?" Canderous asked. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, all that junk?"

"I-I don't know," Carth sighed. "She's more afraid of the what if's. That's what's gonna get her. She's gotta just… stop thinking about what he _might_ do or what _might_ happen."

"You tell her this?"

"Not in so many words."

Canderous nodded. He heard Carth pull something out of the ice chest. "What are you drinking?"

"Some of that Dantooine Milk to help me—"

"You damn Republics," Canderous snorted. "Have T3 pour you a glass of Tarisian ale. That'll mellow you out."

"Oh, and what, take after you and go on an all-night Tarisian ale drinking binge?" Carth asked. "Just how am I going to fly the ship tomorrow?"

"Have HK do it for you."

Carth snorted. "If he hasn't destroyed the navi-computer yet." Carth poured himself a glass of milk.

"Take my word for it, Carth," Canderous said. "We're facing the Sith tomorrow. You're gonna wanna wish you had a few drinks."

"And fight with a hangover?"

"It'll distract you from the pain," Canderous said, "and the gravity of the situation." He took a swig of the ale. "Besides, we should celebrate. Tomorrow we battle. And this will be a fine battle."

Carth looked down at his glass of milk. They'd worked for almost a year to get to this day. He'd done what he set out do to; he'd killed Saul and gotten his revenge. Now it was Revan's turn. This battle wasn't his, it was Revan's. They'd worked so hard for so long, and if they won… if they won, the entire fate of the galaxy would change for the better. Revan would be redeemed, proving to herself most importantly that she had changed for the better.

If they lost tomorrow, they wouldn't live long to talk about it.

Carth turned and looked at Canderous staring at the gizka, then back at his milk. "Screw it," he mumbled. "T3? Pour me a glass."

Canderous chuckled and waved Carth over. "Come. Let us warriors share a few drinks before battle."

"One," Carth stressed, walking over to the table. "I have no intensions of staring at gizkas for the rest of the night. Just… just one drink."

Canderous leaned back in his chair and took another swig. "That's what they all say."


	20. Crash

**Chapter Twenty: Crash**

* * *

Carth woke up and immediately noticed Revan wasn't lying next to him. He started to panic, but then saw the light above Bastila's bed turned on, a set of brown robes laid out on Bastila's bed, and heard the sound of running water in the refresher. Carth sighed and lay back on the bed. Revan was just taking a shower. 

Carth rubbed his eyes. That's when he noticed his head was pounding. After three Tarisian ales, Carth gave up on The First Annual Ordo/Gizka Stand-Off and went to bed. He hadn't intended on drinking as much as he did, but had forgotten how good Tarisian ale tasted. He had also forgotten what a kick it had, and how it took a couple hours for the kick to hit. Carth groaned and regretted not having the milk like he originally had planned.

Was Canderous still staring at the gizka? Carth hoped the Force not. There wasn't enough Tarisian ale left for the contest to go on that long…

The water eventually turned off. A few minutes later the door to Revan's quarters opened. She entered the room wrapped in a towel, then closed the door behind her. She didn't even look in his direction. Revan towel-dried her hair, then placed the towel on Bastila's bed, her back turned to Carth.

"Morning, Beautiful," Carth whispered. Revan turned her head and looked at him, gave a faint smile, then turned her back again. Carth was about to say something else when Revan dropped her towel on the floor. She stood there, naked, her back turned, then started to get dressed. Carth stared at her from head to toe. She was beautiful. He studied her moves, admiring her muscular body. In the faint light he could see the scars that before he only felt during their lovemaking. He frowned as he wondered what the source of those scars could be. Carth suddenly had an urge to get up and hold her close, but he resisted. Instead he sat up and sat on the edge of the bed and watched her dress. When she was wearing everything but her robe, Carth got up and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into a backward embrace. He kissed her neck and held her.

"You ready?" Carth asked.

Revan rested her arms on his. "I don't know," she whispered.

"I'll be with you," he said. "Every step of the way."

"I know."

Carth turned her around and kissed her firmly, holding her tight. He felt Revan tense up, then relax, wrap her arms around his neck and kiss back. He could smell the shampoo she used and the smell of the scented soap fresh on her skin. Carth's hands were all over her back as his tongue explored her mouth. He wanted to make love to her.

Revan must have sensed his feelings and thoughts through the Force. Carth felt her push him backwards until the back of his legs hit her bed. She pushed down his sleep pants, then pushed him back on the bed.

* * *

Carth and Revan were sitting in the common room eating lunch when Jolee called from the cockpit. The Ebon Hawk was entering the Star Forge system; Carth could feel the engines slowing down to exit hyperspace. He looked at Revan, then the two of them stood up and headed for the cockpit. 

They entered the cockpit just as the Ebon Hawk exited hyperspace. Jolee stood up from the pilot's chair and Carth sat down. The three looked out the main window just as a huge, silver space station appeared.

"The Star Forge," Carth gasped, looking out the main window. "It's huge! I've never seen anything like it before!"

Revan placed a hand on Carth's shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"I can feel the power of the Dark Side emanating from that space station," Jolee said. "It almost feels like… like it's alive. That must be where Malak has taken Bastila."

Carth turned towards the communication computer. "I'm transmitting these coordinates to Admiral Dodonna. Maybe a quick strike from the Republic can cripple the Sith fleet." He finished typing the message, then turned to Revan. "Message is away. We should probably wait for the Republic fleet before we try and rescue Bastila. We'll need cover if we want to fly in and dock on the Star Forge."

Revan simply nodded. Carth frowned. Revan's face was pale, her body language stoic. He watched as she looked out the window at the Star Forge. It was obvious that she had decided and made peace with the fact that she'd die saving the galaxy from Malak. And nothing he could say would change her mind. Carth wanted to violently shake her and get her to snap out of it. He wanted—

The Ebon Hawk's radar began beeping loudly and rapidly. Carth turned back around. "We've got company!" he cried. "A small vanguard of Sith fighters coming in hard!" He turned to Revan. "Get on those gun turrets! Take those fighters out before they report our position to the main fleet!"

Revan was already gone. She ran down the hall and headed for the guns. Carth tried to out-maneuver the Sith fighters, buying them time. When he saw two Sith ships explode, he checked his instruments and saw Revan had the gun turrets firing at will. He steadied the ship to give Revan clear shots, all the while trying not to be a sitting duck. Jolee watched out the main window seeing two more Sith fighters explode.

"Two more," he said. "C'mon, Revan—One more."

Carth winced at the bright lights of the exploding Sith fighter. "C'mon, Beautiful," Carth whispered.

The last Sith fighter blew up close to the ship, and Carth let out a sigh of relief. The relief didn't last long as the Ebon Hawk began violently rocking, every instrument in the cockpit blinking and beeping. Carth let out a curse and began rapidly punching buttons.

"What was that!" Jolee cried. "What's wrong? Did one of the Sith fighters hit us?"

"No, it's something else," Carth quickly answered. "We've flown into some kind of disrupter field. All my instruments are jammed. We've got massive overloads on all systems!"

"Blast it," Jolee softly cursed, watching Carth press buttons and flip switches like a mad-man.

"I'm picking up a single planet in this system," Carth said. "I'm gonna try and put us down there. Hold on! This might be a rough landing!"

* * *

"Whew! Talk about your rough landings, Carth," Mission said as Carth and Jolee entered the common room, joining the rest of the Ebon Hawk crew. "What's the matter? You're flying like you've been on an all-night Tarisian ale drinking binge." 

Carth turned to Canderous, who shrugged. Carth shook his head. "That disrupter field fried our stabilizers. We're lucky we made it down in one piece. I mean, if we can't find the salvage to make repairs, I won't even be able to get the Ebon Hawk airborne again."

Juhani spoke up. "During our rather rapid decent, I noticed the hulls of many crashed ships scattered across the landscape. Perhaps the parts you need can be found among their wreckage?"

"The Cathar's right," Canderous said. "This planet's a technological graveyard. I saw dozens of downed ships out there. That disrupter field must have wiped them all out. But where could it be coming from?"

Carth shook his head and placed his hands on his hips. "Even if we get the stabilizers fixed, we're gonna have to find and disable the source of that disrupter field before we can take off. Otherwise we'll just end up crashing again."

"It didn't bother the Sith ships," Revan pointed out.

"They must have some kind of protection against it," Carth said. "But the Republic fleet won't. And we're gonna have to find a way to disable that disrupter field or the Sith will slaughter them!"

T3-M4 beeped and chimed. Mission walked over to the droid's side, then started pressing buttons on a near-by computer counsel. "T3's picking up massive power fluctuations on the ship's sensors. They seem to be coming from some type of large stone structure to the east. It looks like some kind of ancient temple."

"That's odd," Revan whispered. "Maybe we just found our source?"

Carth nodded. "Good idea. If that temple's generating power, it probably has something to do with that disrupter field."

"Hey, don't forget about Bastila, guys," Mission said.

"We haven't forgotten about her," Carth said. "But we can't do her much good stuck down here. We have to help ourselves before we can help her."

Juhani frowned. "I only hope we're not too late. Bastila has been Malak's prisoner for a long time. If he can turn her to the dark side, she will join him and the Sith will be invincible."

Jolee sadly nodded. "I fear Bastila will find the lure of the dark side difficult to resist. She is strong in the Force, but she is also impulsive, willful and proud." He looked at Revan. "As you once were, Revan."

Revan closed her eyes. "I'm… I'm not her, anymore," she said. "I've accepted the name, but… No, I'm not her."

Jolee smiled. "I am glad to hear you say that. Now that you know your true identity, I was afraid you might slip back over to the dark side. If Bastila feels as you do, there may yet be hope for her."

"Well, if Bastila is on the Star Forge like you think, Jolee," Carth said, "then we can't rescue her until we disable that disrupter field. The sooner we investigate that temple to the east, the better. We can probably find the wreckage of a downed ship along the way. If we're lucky, we can salvage some stabilizers from it to get off this planet."

"I hope everything works out as smooth as you make it sound, Carth," Mission said.

"So do I, Mission. So do I."

* * *

"You ready?" 

Revan turned and saw Carth standing at the door to her quarters. She slowly nodded. "Find temple, turn off energy field, rebuild hyperdrive, save Bastila, kill Malak, save galaxy. Got it," she listed, counting on her fingers.

"That's not what I meant," Carth said.

Revan looked at Carth, then nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

"That's good," Carth said. "But I asked if you were ready."

Revan clipped her double-bladed lightsaber to her belt. "Ready."

Carth shook his head. "Well, c'mon, let's go. Canderous said he'd come with."

"Canderous?" Revan asked.

"Yeah, you know, the big, tall, rough-lookin' Mandalorian who's been followin' us around since Taris?"

She shook her head. "I thought Jolee—"

"He's gonna stay behind with the droids and see what he can do to help repair what he can while we look for parts," Carth said. "Besides—" He quickly looked over his shoulder, then back at Revan and whispered, "—I think Canderous has 'Cabin Fever'."

"Cabin Fever?"

"Been cooped up on the ship for too long," Carth said.

"What makes you—"

"He had a stare-off with a gizka last night."

Revan's eyes grew wide. "A stare-off with a gizka?"

Carth nodded. "It was frightening."

"Who won?"

"I don't know," Carth answered. "And I'm terrified to ask."

Revan gulped. "Um, okay. Let's, uh… Let's go."

Carth smiled. "After you, Beautiful."


	21. Summary

**Chapter Twenty-One: Summary**

* * *

If Mission sat any longer watching gizkas hop around the beach, she'd go insane. 

Jolee and T3 were working on fixing the hyperdrive as much as they could, Juhani was meditating—as per usual, Mission thought—and hadn't been seen since Revan, Carth, and Canderous left, HK-47 was busy patrolling the beach looking for "hostile, bug-eyed meatbags," and Zaalbar was taking a nap in the sand simply because he could.

"I'm bored," Mission sighed. She sat cross-legged in the shade of the Ebon Hawk and began drawing patterns in the sand. She wrote her name in Basic, then in Huttese, Bocce, and Rodese. She attempted her name in Mando'a, but couldn't remember the corresponding characters. Mission frowned, then erased her names from the sand. She sighed again and lay down on her stomach, watching Zaalbar nap.

Revan, Carth, and Canderous had been gone for eight standard hours. Did it really take that long to find the temple? Mission rolled over on her back and looked up at the sky. "You know, Zaalbar," she said, "I couldn't wait to get off the Hawk and on the ground so I could look up at the sky again. But now…" She looked over at Zaalbar. "Oh, not like you're listening anyway." Mission grumbled to herself then closed her eyes, soaking in the warm sun…

Mission eventually fell asleep. She awoke to a squawking gizka in her ear. She opened her eyes and noticed that it was dusk. Mission sat up, gave the gizka a pet, then looked around. Zaalbar was awake, sitting on a rock talking to Jolee. Mission stood up, brushed the sand off her slacks, then walked over. "They back yet?" she asked.

Jolee shook his head. "It's been twelve hours."

"What could be taking so long?" Mission asked.

"Well, they have to find parts for the ship and make their way inside that temple," Jolee said.

"Isn't there some way to contact them?"

Jolee smiled. "They're fine, Mission. I can feel it."

Zaalbar barked and growled. Mission smiled. "We'll feed you, don't worry." She stretched her legs, then sat down on a nearby rock. "I still kinda wish we coulda gone with them."

"And who's here to protect the ship?" Jolee asked.

Mission snorted. "Oh, yeah, sure, like it's goin' anywhere."

"That's not what—"

HK interrupted. "Warning: Someone's approaching!"

Mission grabbed her blaster and Jolee his lightsaber. Zaalbar let out a cry and stood ready to attack.

"Declaration," HK yelled. "Identify yourselves!"

"Will you put that frackin' thing down before you kill someone?"

Mission smiled. "Canderous!"

Canderous and Carth walked around the corner and right for the Ebon Hawk. Mission noticed right away their armor was covered in blood splatters and dirt smears, and Canderous was donning a new bloody scar on his face. Carth looked even more depressed than usual, while Canderous looked alive and happy.

"Wait, where's Revan?" Mission asked. She looked all around, then at Carth. "Where is she?"

"It's… a long story, Mission," Carth said. "I'm… I'm gonna go get… cleaned up." He walked past Mission and onto the ship.

Mission watched him walk past, then turned to Canderous. "Well?" she demanded. "Where is she?"

"Republic's right," Canderous snorted. "It is a long story."

"So tell us, already!" Jolee cried.

Canderous sat down on a boulder. "So we get to the temple," he said. "Took us about half an hour to get there, give or take. The temple's doorway is guarded by an energy shield. We spent time trying to hack into it, but we couldn't. While we're tryin' to get in, a band of Mandalorian raiders ambushes us. There were seven, no eight of them. Comin' from all sides. So you know Revan. One flick of that lightsaber o'hers. Man, I'm tellin' ya. She sliced right through 'em—"

"Get to the part where you tell us where Revan is," Mission snapped.

"I'm gettin' there," Canderous said. "So Revan, Republic, and I mow these pirates down. We go back to fussin' with the energy field when Revan has another one of those visions of hers. She didn't say what she saw, only that we needed to go south." Canderous shrugged. He opened up a pocket on his armor and pulled out a cigar. "So we go south. We walk for another mile or two and come across these two baby rancors."

"Baby rancor?" Jolee asked.

"Two of 'em," Canderous said. "Revan flicks on that lightsaber, they're dead."

Mission snorted. "You're makin' that up."

Canderous pointed to the blood on his cheek. "Where do you think I got this?" He turned to Jolee. "Turn on that lightsaber of yours."

Jolee's brow wrinkled, and he did as told. Canderous placed the tip of his cigar on the blade of the saber, lighting the end of his cigar. "Thanks."

Jolee snorted and turned the saber back off.

"Anyway," Canderous said. "So we leave the two baby rancor there, and keep goin'. At the end of the beach there's his complex. We walk up and this hologram starts talkin' to Revan. She understands what it's sayin', and then we go inside."

"And that's where Revan is," Mission said.

"Will you let me finish?" Canderous took a puff on the cigar. "We get inside and there're these bug-eyed things. They call themselves Rakatan. They know who she is, and they talk for a while. Carth and I just stood there, listening, not understanding a word."

"So where's Revan?"

Canderous glared at the twi'lek. "The Rakatan tell us they control the energy field on the temple. They tell Revan that they'll open the temple, but first we gotta go do somethin' for them. Seems there's a rival tribe on the island that kidnapped one of their people… or fishes… whatever the hell they are. Anyway, if we want access into the temple, we gotta go rescue their friend."

Canderous took another puff on his cigar. "So we make our way back the way we came, kill two more rancors, back to the temple—"

"Two more rancors?" Mission asked. "Now I know you're makin' that up."

"Back to the temple," Canderous continued, "back down the path that originally took us to the temple, then down this tiny trail that leads north. We're greeted by more of these bug-eyed-things along the way—oh, and Carth picked up the parts he needs, by the way—then we're greeted by the army of this rival tribe and their pet rancors."

Mission shook her head.

"So we plow through them," Canderous said. He chuckled and shook his head. "Man, I'm tellin' ya. You shoulda see the way Revan—"

"Will you get on with it!" Mission cried.

Canderous snorted. "We plow through those guys, get inside their enclave, and the entire place is ready to kill us. Carth and I are shootin', Revan's hackin' and slashin'… We're hittin' anything that moves. There were hundreds of these bug-eyed-things. And Revan, she's like a one-woman fightin' machine. I've never seen her—"

"So did you rescue the guy?"

"Yes, Mission, we rescued him," he said, "only after having to fight four more rancors, and another mini-army of those creatures. Happy?" He spit on the ground and took another puff of the cigar. "So that guy goes back home to his friends, we hike all the way back to the first tribe, they agree to open up the energy field."

"So where's Revan?"

"The Rakatan wouldn't let me and Carth go in with her," Canderous explained. "Said it was against their law, or religion, or somethin' like that. I don't speak their language."

"So Revan's inside all by herself?" Jolee asked.

Canderous shrugged. "Apparently they gotta chant, or somethin', for the field to go down. Said it could take hours."

"And you let her do this?" Jolee cried.

"Hey, it wasn't my idea, old man!" Canderous defended. "Half the reason we're so late gettin' back here is good ol' Republic boy threw a temper-tantrum he couldn't go with her. Then he damn near sucked her face off in a goodbye kiss. Almost had to stun him and tie him up in order to get him to leave her side."

"You shouldn't've left her!" Jolee said. "She can't do this alone!"

"You wanna go back and argue with the giant squids, then be my guest!" Canderous cried. "Force knows they didn't listen to me! And Carth didn't exactly go quietly, either!"

Jolee shook his head. "You could have at least stood outside—"

"They weren't gonna start the Energy Field Please Go Down chant if we were there, old man," Canderous said. "Like I said, go there and see for yourself. Take a right then a left and keep walkin'."

"Something's not right," Jolee muttered to himself.

Canderous snorted. "Yeah, I'll tell you what's not right. Republic boy screamin' he wanted nothing to do with the woman who destroyed his life, now he's boffin' her every chance he gets."

Mission groaned.

"Tellin' ya, the man should just walk around naked," Canderous continued. "Saves time."

"You know, I really didn't need that mental image," Mission snapped.

Jolee suddenly turned and ran up the Ebon Hawk ramp. Mission and Canderous watched, Canderous theorizing he had the sudden urge to use the refresher. A few moments later, Jolee and Juhani emerged from the ship. "What's up?" Canderous asked.

"We're going after her," Jolee said. "She's not going in there alone."

"Yeah, good luck with that," Canderous snorted. "If the Rakatan stop their chanting cuz you two show up, they'll need to start at the beginning…"

* * *

_For those of you who have not played the game, I apologize for the summary of the "Unknown Planet." If you really want to know exactly what occured, please play the video game. If I had spelled out all the events, it would have derailed the fan fic. So the summary will have to sufice._


	22. Temptation

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Temptation**

* * *

Revan sat on the ground cross-legged while the Rakatan elders chanted. There were four of them and one guide, meditating in front of what looked like a camp fire. The guide's monotone chanting had a therapeutic effect on Revan, helping her relax and meditate herself. It wasn't as successful as she had hoped. Revan would clear her mind, but she'd see Carth… 

"_No! You're not going in there alone!"_

"_Carth, I have to. They won't let me in otherwise."_

"_But you don't know what's in there, Revan! You don't know what's waiting for you!"_

"_I have to do this—"_

"_Not without me!"_

"_Carth, I don't want to do this anymore than you don't. But I have to. I'll be all right. I just have to flick a switch—"_

"_Revan, I won't let you—"_

"_What you want is irrelevant. I'm sorry, Carth. I've already disturbed this world and this tribe once before. I won't do it again."_

"_Revan, sometimes you can't play by the rulebook! Sometimes you have to forget protocol and just do what needs to be done!"_

"_I seem to recall that being the reason why I became Darth Revan."_

Revan held Carth so tight after that. She whispered she was sorry and kissed his cheek. She told him she'd return to the Ebon Hawk afterwards and they could leave the planet. Carth grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her like he'd never see her again. Revan was taken by surprise at the amount of desperation in his kiss, the amount of pressure on her lips, his beard stubble scratching her face. She didn't know how to respond. It wasn't until Canderous pulled Carth away that Revan caught her breath. She looked into Carth's eyes and felt emotions come from him that she hadn't felt before. Sorrow, loss, confusion, regret, desperation, helplessness… and love…

He loved her…

A tear trickled down Revan's cheek. She shouldn't've pushed him away like she had. Yes, she was trying to protect him using the Rakatan laws as a crutch. Revan hadn't told him that the Rakatan elders warned her that there were Dark Jedi lurking within the shadows of the temple. She was afraid for him, and didn't want to see him killed trying to protect her. Dammit, he should be there with her, not back on the Ebon Hawk.

Revan recited the Jedi Code and took deep breaths. This wasn't going to help her when the time came to enter the temple and—

The Rakatan elders stopped chanting, the leader declaring that someone was approaching. Revan's pulse rate sped up. _Carth? _

Revan opened her eyes and stood up, seeing Jolee and Juhani coming into view.

"Wait!" Jolee called. "You can't go in there alone!"

Revan was about to say something when Juhani cut her off. "We have had a... a premonition. The Force has given us a vision. There is great danger within the Temple. We cannot let you face it alone."

"You might be walking into a trap," Jolee told Revan. "Maybe Malak himself is waiting inside. Even if he isn't, that temple will be crawling with Dark Jedi. You'll need all the help you can get."

"Jolee speaks for both of us," Juhani said. "You must enter the Temple, but we must go with you."

"Jolee, you can't come with me," Revan said. "It's, it's not my call. I can't—"

"Your destiny—maybe the fate of the entire galaxy—could be forever changed inside that Temple. I'm not about to let you face that alone. Not after my premonition. There's a reason I had that vision. So you just tell that guide of yours to do whatever he has to do to get us all inside the Temple."

Revan slowly nodded. She turned to the Rakatan guide. "Please… lower the energy field," she said. "I can't do this alone."

The Rakatan guide slowly nodded, speaking the Rakatan language, then kneeling and chanting once again.

Jolee snorted. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to take a while? Still, we better stay ready. As soon as those shields go down we have to get inside the temple."

* * *

There were so many Dark Jedi inside the temple. Too many had died, and with each Jedi that recognized Revan, the more Revan felt a piece of the life she thought she knew, a piece of her spirit, die within her. Revan felt she was the victim of the biggest cover-up in the history of the galaxy more so now than before. But she pushed forward, inside screaming that she wasn't strong enough to continue, that she couldn't continue. She had to continue, regardless of how she felt. Revan had to get to Malak. She had to defeat him. 

Revan, Jolee, and Juhani made their way down a hallway that turned out to be a dead end with nothing but a stone slab, a couple of lights, and disabled gun turrets. Jolee turned around to walk back down the hall, but Revan stayed. She reached out and touched the stone slab that was resting against the wall. "Bastila was here," she whispered.

"What do you mean?" Juhani asked.

Jolee turned back around and watched Revan finger the stone slab. "Revan?"

"This is where… Bastila…" Revan turned and looked at Jolee. "Malak tortured Bastila here. This… this is the place I saw in the vision… when I was fighting Canderous…"

Juhani and Jolee exchanged looks of concern. "Revan, come on," Jolee gently said. "We still have more to do—"

"She was here," Revan whispered. "She was strong… resisted… Malak… tortured her…"

Jolee took Revan by the arm. "Come on, my dear."

Revan looked up at Jolee and nodded. "Yeah… that, that's a good idea." She pinched the bridge of her nose and allowed Jolee to guide her out of the dead end hallway.

They made their way through the rest of the temple, Revan allowing her memories to guide them. As they explored the cold, damp, and dark basement of the temple, Revan came across a computer. Not only had the computer recognized Revan, it had given her more information about the Star Forge and its history, and the history of the Rakatan. Revan didn't have the time to listen to the computer, so she downloaded all the information to her datapad to view later. The computer then told her to head for the upper level of the temple in order to find the release switch for the energy field. After downloading all the information, Revan pocketed her datapad, then the three left the basement.

Revan, Jolee, and Juhani reached the doorway that lead to the upper floor of the cold, stone Rakatan Temple. As the door slid open, Revan turned at looked at Jolee and Juhani behind her. "I know what I'm doing," she said.

"Who are you trying to convince?" Jolee asked.

Revan said nothing.

They walked up a stone ramp leading to reach the upper level of the temple. Revan looked around before walking forward, then falling to her knees. Memories flooded her mind. "Jolee," she managed to gasp.

Jolee grabbed Revan's arm. "Focus, Revan," he said, helping her back to her feet. Revan took deep breaths. "You all right?" Jolee asked. After a few seconds she nodded. "Let's go. This ain't over with yet."

The upper level of the temple extended to an outside walkway. It was still dusk, but the light from the sun caused Revan to squint, after getting used to the darkness of the temple. As she walked out into the light, she saw the dirt, dust, and blood splatters her robe had collected. A bath… she needed a bath. She hadn't had a true bath since Manaan…

_Focus_, she scolded herself.

At the end of the walkway, Revan saw a shadowy figure. She frowned and reached out with the Force in an attempt to figure out who it was. Another Sith?

Suddenly Revan gasped. Her dream… This was just like her dream. Stone, outdoor walkway… Jolee, Juhani…

_No…_

Standing at the end of the walkway, wearing a black Sith robe and gripping a red, double-bladed lightsaber was Bastila. Revan stopped in her tracks and just stared.

_No…_

Bastila smiled coldly. "Revan—I knew you'd come for me," she said. "Malak thought you might be afraid to enter the Temple again, but he doesn't know you like I do. Not anymore. Not since you've changed."

"Quickly, Bastila," Juhani said. "Come with us! We have to escape before Malak arrives!"

"Escape?" Bastila snorted. "You don't understand. I have sworn allegiance to Lord Malak and the Sith; I am no longer a pawn of the Jedi Council."

"A pawn?" Revan whispered. Her voice slowly became stronger. "Bastila, what are you talking about?"

Bastila sighed. "Surely you know what I mean, Revan. Look at what the Council did to you; they turned you into their puppet. The same thing they do to all who are truly strong in the Force."

"No," Revan said. "No, it's not true. The dark side is evil, Bastila. Don't do this!"

"You say that as if the dark side is some terrible entity," Bastila said. "The Jedi Council has brainwashed you like all the others. Like they once did with me. They speak of the dark side as if it is something to be feared. But in reality their only goal is to manipulate those who are strong in the Force. The fear of the dark side is a tool to maintain control. Why do you think the Jedi forbid you and Malak from joining the Mandalorian Wars? They knew you would realize your true potential and break free of their domination. Malak has shown me how the Jedi Council have been using me the same way they once tried to use you. They've been holding me back because they knew one day I would surpass them all."

Revan shook her head. "But… I saw you… Malak tried to turn you and you resisted…"

"I resisted at first," Bastila said. "I endured the Sith torments with the passionless serenity of a true Jedi, emptying my mind. But after a week of endless tortures I finally saw the truth."

"What truth?" Revan asked.

"Malak forced me to acknowledge my anger and pain. He showed me the liberating power of these emotions. Then he made me see how the Jedi Council has denied me what is mine by right!"

"Denied what is your right?" Revan cried. "Bastila, don't you see what you're doing? Listen to yourself!"

"The Jedi Council gladly used my Battle Meditation in their wars, but they still treated me like a child—like an inferior," Bastila snapped. "They were jealous of my power… of what I could become! They wanted me to bow and call them Master and follow their Code and obey their every order. But all the while they were exploiting my Battle Meditation for their own use!"

"_The Jedi Council is holding you back, Revan. You're much stronger than all of the Masters combined. Don't let them tell you what to do. If you go to fight the Mandalorians, I'll follow. And other Jedi will follow, too."_

Revan squeezed her eyes shut and tried to block out more memories. The same words Malak used to push her into the Mandalorian War were the same words he used to turn Bastila. Dammit.

"_You have yet to discover your true potential, Revan. I can see it in the way you fight, the way the Force wraps itself around you. You are the most powerful Jedi ever to have lived! It is an honor to call you friend."_

Revan heard Bastila preaching the power of the dark side to Jolee and Juhani, but she ignored it until Bastila addressed her directly.

"You used to be Revan, Master of the Sith, but no longer," Bastila spat. "You are simply a pawn of the Jedi Council and the Republic they serve... like I was until Malak freed me from their shackles!"

Revan eyes narrowed. Her voice became unstable again as she fought to control her emotions. "You lie…"

"Lies? You are the one living a lie, Revan. The Jedi Council made you into something you are not; they programmed you to be their slave."

The power of the dark side… it called to Revan through Bastila. Revan could taste it, feel it… Revan clenched her fist and felt the dark power tempt her…

Another memory flashed before Revan's eyes. She was in her room on the Ebon Hawk, hugging her knees and crying…

"_I don't want to fall again. I don't want to be Darth Revan again. I've only seen a couple memories and it's too much…"_

"_You won't slip, Revan. You won't fall. We won't let you."_

"_But if I do—"_

"_I'll be here to catch you."_

"_What if you don't? What if you try, but I still fall? What if you're not there at all?"_

"_Don't think like that. That's not going to happen."_

"_What about the darkness you said was there inside me?"_

"_You're not going to fall. I'll be there. I'll keep you from going back to the dark side. If you ever find yourself falling, slipping, giving in to a temptation, turn to me, think of me, think of the promise I made to protect you, to give you a future with me. Think of anything like that, anything to help you stay on the path you're on now, to stay the person you are now."_

Revan held onto that memory. She concentrated hard, trying to remember every last detail. She could feel Carth's arms around her, the strong, warm embrace, the laughter that followed her tears, the passion that followed the pain…

"_If you ever find yourself falling, slipping, giving in to a temptation, turn to me, think of me, think of the promise I made to protect you, to give you a future with me."_

Revan gripped her lightsaber. She wasn't going to slip. She couldn't do that to Carth. She loved him too much…

"_I'd rather lose Telos forever than to have you turn to the dark side to save it."_

Revan wished Carth were here right now. She needed him…

"_I made a promise to you that I'd give you a reason not to fall to the Dark Side."_

"A pity the power you once has is so diluted in you," Bastila sighed. "You could have been strong as I am now… stronger, even. But that will never happen, now. With the power of the Star Forge Malak will destroy the Republic and conquer the galaxy. And I will be the apprentice at his side—after I prove my worth by killing you!"

Bastila raised her lightsaber, giving Revan barely enough time to turn her own on and defend herself. Jolee and Juhani rushed to protect Revan, but Bastila tossed them aside. She attacked Revan again, and Revan blocked. She refused to fight Bastila; only protect herself. Revan could easily take Bastila down, but she wouldn't. There was still good in Bastila, and it hurt Revan so much to see her friend like this. Bastila attacked harder, more fiercely than before. Still, Revan defended.

Bastila raised her arm and Revan went flying backwards, crashing hard on the stone floor.

"You are stronger than I would have thought possible, after what the Jedi Council did to you," Bastila said as Revan stood up. "Seems that Malak was wrong—the power of the dark side is not lost to you after all, Revan. Your mind was too badly damaged to ever fully restore your memories, Revan. But your power, your strength of will, the essence of who and what you are: these things still remain!

"Once long ago you defied the Jedi Council, freeing yourself from their control," Bastila continued. "You claimed your rightful title of Dark Lord of the Sith. Together we can defeat Malak and take back what is yours!"

"Bastila, it is not too late for you to be saved," Juhani said. "The teachings of the Jedi can lead you from the dark side back into the light and a true understanding of the Force."

Bastila sneered. "You are beneath my contempt, Juhani. When you felt the power of the dark side, you fled to a cave like some cowering animal! You know nothing of the Force or its true potential!" She turned back to Revan. "But you, Revan—the power of the dark side is yours to command! You can use it to destroy Malak! With my help you could rule over the entire galaxy!

Revan gripped her lightsaber. Her eyes narrowed. "The Dark Lord Revan is dead," she said, her voice filled with pain. "I am a servant of the light now."

"You are a pathetic fool, Revan!" Bastila spat. "Together we could have defeated Malak and ruled over an Empire, but now I will be at Lord Malak's side instead! You will be crushed with the Republic and all the fool who bow down to the Jedi Council! No one can stand against the power of the Star Forge and the Sith fleet!"

Bastila turned and fled down the walkway, through a stone doorway. Revan ran after her, only to see Bastila jump into a shuttle on the other side of the stone doorway, then take off up into the sky, towards the stars and the Star Forge.

"Blast it!" Revan cried.

Jolee placed a hand on her shoulder. "Later," he said. "Shut off the energy field and let's get back to the Ebon Hawk."

Revan closed her eyes. Slowly she nodded. Revan made her way over to a computer terminal on the far wall, punched a few buttons, then said the energy field and disrupter field were shut down. She gripped the sides of the computer terminal and hung her head. "This just keeps getting harder and harder," Revan whispered.

Jolee nodded. "I know."

"Why?"

Jolee frowned. "I wish I knew, my dear." He took her arm once again. "Come. We've got a long walk back to the Ebon Hawk."

Revan slowly nodded.

* * *

_Dialogue (well, most of it) copyrighted 2003 BioWare and LucasArts. Thanks so much to lilias for her help with the Bastila dialogue. _


	23. Love

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Love**

* * *

"You're back! But where's Bastila? Is she alive? What happened inside that temple?" 

_How did Carth know Bastila was inside the temple?_ Revan wondered as she reached for a kolto pack. Her arms ached from all the fighting; her legs ached from all the walking. All she wanted to do was lie down in a hot bathtub. Instead she injected her body with the healing medicine and waited for it to work, hoping Jolee or Juhani would answer Carth's question. She didn't want to talk about it. Bastila falling to the dark side… Revan didn't want to think about it any more than she had to.

Revan, Jolee, and Juhani had used the Force to speed up their steps, making it back to the Ebon Hawk in half the time it would normally take. There they were, on the sandy beach in front of the ship, the entire crew of the Ebon Hawk looking at the three Jedi, eagerly awaiting the answer to Carth's question.

"We ran into Bastila, yes," Revan said when no one else spoke. Her voice reflected the amount of pain she was currently in. "Bastila…" Her bright eyes filled with tears. "She's fallen to the dark side, Carth."

"The dark side?" Carth gasped. "Bastila? No! No! How could that happen?"

Revan wanted to sit down, to feel Carth's arms around her as he whispered everything was going to be all right. But Carth was standing about six feet away from her, showing no urge to run over and embrace her. Revan tried to feel out with the Force to see what he was thinking, but was too exhausted to focus properly.

"She was always in danger of being seduced by the dark side, Carth," Jolee said.  
"Bastila was strong, but she was always impatient and headstrong. Malak preyed upon her weaknesses." Jolee shook his head. "This planet is a tainted place. The Star Forge and temple have twisted the Force into an instrument of evil—just as Malak has twisted Bastila into a servant of the Sith."

Revan looked at Jolee. "What are you saying?"

Jolee frowned. "Malak has a strong hold on Bastila now—it will be difficult for her to break free of his influence, especially considering her long association with you. Remember the bond that was forged between you when she rekindled the spark that was your life. Through that bond she touched your memories… and also the echo of the dark taint within you."

"But there's still hope for her, right?" Carth asked. "I mean, Revan rejected the dark side, so Bastila could, too, right? We might still be able to save her."

Revan frowned. "This is my fault. We have to do something… We have to save her."

"I don't know what fate awaits us," Juhani spoke, "but I sense Bastila still has a role to play in the events to come. I have no doubt she will be waiting for us on the Star Forge."

Jolee snorted. "No doubt." He turned to Revan. "I must say that it's good to have you with us, my dear. For a minute there I thought you might decide…" Jolee's voice trailed off. "Well, never mind what I thought."

Carth's ears perked up. "Decide? Decide what?"

"Bastila tried to tempt her to the dark side, to reclaim Revan's heritage," Juhani said. "She failed."

"So you did it?" Carth cried. Revan looked at him and tried to focus again. "You turned against Darth Revan once and for all? I knew she wasn't part of you anymore. I… I knew it!"

Revan slowly nodded. "I… I chose the light side, yes," she whispered. _For you… I chose it for you…_

Revan had never seen Carth happier. He walked over to her side and gripped her shoulders. "I told you that you would have to make a choice eventually, that you would be tested. I think that was it. I, I can feel it." He cupped the side of her face and used his thumb to brush away a tear trickling down her face. "And you did exactly what I'd hoped you would. It couldn't've been easy. I'm… I'm very proud of you."

"I could never do that again," she whispered. "I don't want to be Darth Revan." Revan bit her lip and turned her head away. "Bastila… She doesn't know…"

"I know," Carth said. "I can't blame Bastila for being turned, however. She's… she's just so young and doesn't deserve this kind of fate."

Revan felt Carth's emotions hit her like a dam bursting. Happiness… He was happy, joyful, excited, proud… She looked up at him, their eyes meeting.

"I… I love you," he said, "and I can't wait until all of this is over with."

Revan was at a loss for words. She'd loved him for so long, even before she admitted it. And now… now she didn't know what to say at all. Despite the pain she was currently in, Revan wrapped her arms around Carth's neck and said what was on her mind.

"I love you, too," she whispered, resting her head on Carth's shoulder as he held her close. He kissed the side of her cheek. Revan sniffed and relaxed in his arms. "I wanted to tell you… so many times…"

"Shhh," Carth whispered, gently stroking her hair. "I know. I've wanted to, too…"

As Canderous would later describe the scene, it was then Revan's turn to suck Carth's face off. She kissed him passionately, not caring that the rest of the crew looked on. They where the ones gossiping behind her back as to how involved she and Carth were. He said he loved her, and she said she loved him back. Let the entire galaxy watch, Revan didn't care.

"Hey!" Mission cried. "Sheesh, get a room, will ya?"

Revan felt Carth chuckle against her lips. Their kiss broke as Carth pressed his forehead against Revan's, the two of them softly laughing at Mission, then at themselves for acting like teenagers. Zaalbar growled at Mission, but Revan paid it no attention. She looked into Carth's eyes and realized that he loved her just as much as she loved him.

Revan then realized how difficult it was going to be from this point forward. She had already determined the Star Forge would be the end of her journey. She wasn't Liana, she was Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith on a redemption-seeking quest to take down Darth Malak and destroy the Star Forge. And that's where it all would end…

"Oh sure," Mission said to Zaalbar. "Even a good omen can get itself a room, though, don't you think?"

Jolee smiled. "Well, I'm an old man and I know you should take love when you can find it. Good for you two, I say."

_But it isn't going to be that way_, Revan thought, frowning as she looked into Carth's eyes. She then held Carth close again and felt confusion from him. She didn't want to go to the Star Forge… She wanted to forget about it and stay on the Rakatan planet forever; just her and Carth, no one else. But it wasn't going to be like that. _I don't want to lose you, flyboy… I wish there was another way…_

"Confidence is all well and good, Carth," Juhani suddenly spoke, "but if we are going to catch up with Bastila we should leave soon, don't you think?"

Carth gave Revan a squeeze, then broke the embrace. "Okay, let's get moving," he said. "The longer we wait, the harder this is going to be."

Canderous snorted. "You can say that again."

"What?" Carth asked, confused.

Canderous smiled. "Nothing. Just agreeing with you, that's all."

* * *

Carth opened the door to Revan's quarters. "We've fixed the—" 

Revan was asleep. She'd taken her shower, changed into a fresh set of robes and was fast asleep. Carth smiled at her sleeping form, walked over and knelt beside the bed. Very gently he stroked her damp hair. Revan didn't twitch in her sleep, but sighed softly. He watched her sleep, hoping she wasn't dreaming or seeing any past memories surface. She'd been through so much today. When he saw her walking back to the beach after returning from the temple, his heart leapt to his throat. He wanted to run over to her and hold her, making sure everything was okay. But Canderous stopped him, grabbing his arm and telling him to "let the girl breathe." So he had. Revan had looked so hurt, so broken, it took everything in his power to just stand there and look at her until he could no longer restrain himself.

Then he said he loved her.

And she said she loved him back. And he knew she meant it.

Carth couldn't explain his feelings for her. It wasn't as if he was a rookie at love. He'd spent most of his adult life married, and raising a family. All he knew now was that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Revan by his side, even if the Jedi Council was against the idea of love. Somehow they'd make it work, Carth could feel it. They'd find a way to stay together. Friends? Lovers? Spouses?

_Spouses_. The word rang through Carth's mind. Did he really want to marry Revan? Did he really want to make that kind of commitment to her?

This wasn't the time to think about it, he told himself. Right now they had to make it through the Star Forge. The Star Forge first, everything else second.

Carth hoped Revan wasn't still intent on dying.

He closed his eyes and hoped she'd realize there was another way. She was stronger than Malak; she could defeat him easily. But it was a matter of her convincing herself that she could do it. They'd come so far together, and to throw it all away now, Carth couldn't fathom it.

No, he could. After Morgana died, he was willing to throw his entire life away in pursuit of Saul Karath. He'd never thought of life after Saul, that there would be a reason for living. Morgana and Dustil were his life, and when they were taken away, nothing else mattered.

Then Liana Suul came into the picture. She gave him a reason to keep living. He'd slowly begun to fall in love with Liana, admiring her, watching her, flirting with her through playful teasing. She was a beautiful person, both inside and out, reminding him of Morgana in so many ways…

But she wasn't Liana Suul, one-time smuggler from Corellia. She was Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith, brainwashed by the Jedi Council to seek out the Star Maps and destroy Darth Malak.

But it didn't matter now. It took Carth so long to see that she'd changed, that she wasn't the murderous monster who had destroyed so many Republic worlds. Whether she was Liana or Revan didn't matter anymore. And it meant the world to him now that she understood he spoke the truth.

"Carth." He turned his head and saw Juhani standing in the doorway. "We're ready to leave."

Carth nodded. "Thanks."

Juhani walked away. Carth looked back at Revan's sleeping body, smiled, then lightly kissed her cheek. He stood up and turned to leave.

"Love you, flyboy," came a soft whisper.

Carth smiled and looked back at Revan. Her bright eyes were open and she was smiling at him. "Love you, too," he said.

* * *

_Most of the dialogue in this chapter copyright 2003 BioWare and LucasArts. The rest of it I made up as I went along. Please don't sue me._


	24. Darkness Calls

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Darkness Calls**

* * *

"C'mon, Carth," Jolee whispered. He looked down at the instruments on the panel in front of him. Jolee was piloting the Ebon Hawk to the Star Forge, Juhani as his co-pilot. There was so much that needed to be done in preparation for the Star Forge, and Jolee would rather be gathering his weapons and any necessary medical supplies, perhaps even meditating. Anything but this. 

"'Can you take the helm for just a second, Jolee?'" he muttered to himself. "Just a second, the man says. That 'just a second' was ten minutes ago. Damn pilot." He looked at the communication panel. "What in the name of the Force could he be talking about to that Admiral that's taking this long?"

"Do you feel it, Jolee?" Juhani asked. She tilted her head backwards and closed her eyes. "The dark power of the Star Forge… it calls."

Jolee nodded. "We're almost there—"

"All the darkness," Juhani whispered. "All the power… It's there… I can taste it. I can feel it… It calls me by name, welcoming me—"

"Juhani!" Jolee snapped.

Juhani sat straight up. "I, I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's tempting, I know," Jolee said. He closed his eyes. "I can feel it, too."

"But you—"

"We didn't come this far to have all of us fall prey to the Star Forge's power like Bastila did," Jolee said. "Resist it, Juhani. You're not going to help if you can't focus."

Juhani nodded. "I apologize, Jolee. I fell to the dark side… before." Juhani thought back to her grove on Dantooine, her place of darkness. It was there a Jedi apprentice named Liana found her and convinced her to turn back to the light side, to be redeemed by the Jedi Council, and Liana's countless reminders since then to ensure Juhani stayed on the path of the light. "The darkness… It's hard to ignore it, to tell myself to stay on this path when the temptation is so strong." She looked out of the main view screen. The Star Forge was beautiful. A beautiful giant, silver, top-like space station. "It is hard to believe that something so beautiful could be so dangerous, that a race of people would want to build something so cruel and horrible, something so difficult for Jedi to ignore…"

"We don't know the history of the Rakata," Jolee said. "This may have been their way."

Juhani closed her eyes again. An image briefly flashed before her eyes, an image of herself in black robes striking down a Jedi. She opened her eyes and softly gasped. "Feeling the power of the Star Forge like I do… now I understand why Revan fell," Juhani said. "Even the strongest Jedi would find the temptation difficult to withstand."

Jolee looked at Juhani, sensing the conflict and trouble within her. "Why don't you go see what's keeping our pilot?"

Juhani pushed the temptation aside and looked at Jolee. "Perhaps that… that is a good idea." She stood up, then hesitated. "Are you going to be all right?"

Jolee opened his mouth to snap back a reply about the numerous times he'd been tempted before, even spit out a memory from the Exar Kun wars, but instead simply said, "Yes."

* * *

"_So this is the Star Forge," Malak said, looking at the massive space station through the view screen of Revan's ship. "This is what we've been looking for all this time. Finally it's ours for the taking. No one can stop us, not even the Rakata."_

"_Do you feel the darkness, Malak?" Revan asked. "It calls… The power… The darkness…"_

"_This station is a mass of dark power, Master," Malak said. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "This is a sign from the Force. We were meant to find this station. You were meant to be in control of this station, Master."_

"_Too much dark power," Revan whispered._

_Malak opened his eyes and looked at Revan. _"_You've defied the Jedi Council on the highest level," he said. "You entered the Mandalorian War. You killed Mandalore himself! And now you have the Star Forge in the palm on your hand, ready for you to rule over the Dark Jedi that follow you. This is your destiny, Master. You were meant to find the station. You were meant to rule over the Sith." Malak smiled. "All this time, searching for the Star Maps… Remember the times when you felt the search pointless, when you felt like giving up? Aren't you glad I didn't let you, Master?"_

_Revan sat there and listened to her apprentice as she stared at the silver Rakatan space station. "I didn't expect this much… dark power. The Star Forge… it's twisted the dark side of the Force somehow… I can feel it, but I can't explain—"_

"_Does it matter, my Master?" Malak asked. "Think about the power that is at your fingertips. Think about everything we could accomplish with the Star Forge on our side. Remember back to all the times you wondered if this was the right thing to do. Now you know I was right. Embrace the darkness, Revan. Drink it in! The Sith will rule the galaxy again, with you as our leader."_

_Revan still listened._

"_Peace is a lie, there is only passion," Malak said. "Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force—"_

"_The Force," Revan said, "shall free me." She smiled back at Malak._

"_It's your time," Malak said. "The time of the Sith. Let the Jedi Council see what we—what you can do."_

_Revan turned back to the view screen. "You're right. Let the Jedi challenge us. Let them come!"_

"_Why not go to them instead?" Malak suggested. "Why not seek them out and punish them for the error in their ways?"_

"_One step at a time," Revan said. "First we build our army. The Jedi will see us as a threat soon enough."_

_Malak smiled. "I do like the way you think, Master."_

_Revan turned to her apprentice. "And I have you to thank for it."_

Revan opened her eyes and sat straight up, gasping for air. Her heart was thumping in her chest. She swung her feet over the side of her bed, then buried her head in her hands. What the hell had she just seen? A dream? A memory? A vision? Revan felt on the brink of tears again, but told herself to calm down. _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is…_

_There is… _

_Darkness…_

A chill ran down Revan's spine. The Star Forge… they were nearing the Star Forge… The familiar feeling of the darkness the Star Forge broadcasted was returning. It called to her…

_Greetings, Lord Revan… It's been a while…_

"No," Revan whispered.

"Hey, you okay?"

Revan jumped. She looked at Bastila's bed and saw Mission sitting there cross-legged. "Sorry I scared you," Mission said. "Carth asked me to watch over you while you slept—are you sure you're okay?"

_Peace is a lie…_

"We're near the Star Forge, aren't we?" Revan asked.

Mission nodded. "We're landing soon. Carth's talking to Admiral Dodonna—"

"I turned on the Star Forge," Revan said. "The darkness… it called…"

_There is only passion…_

"You're not Darth Revan," Mission said.

Revan's eyes met Mission's. "But I could be her."

_Through passion I gain strength…_

"What are you talking about?" Mission asked. "You're not her anymore. The Jedi gave you another chance, and whether you realized it, you took it."

_Through strength I gain power…_

"Ever since we ran into Malak, I've been having more visions, more memories surface," Revan said. She stood and started to pace. "I could fall at any time. One wrong memory, one wrong vision…"

"But you're different—"

_Through power I gain victory…_

"The darkness is still there, Mission," Revan said. "I can feel it. It calls to me every time I have to make a decision, but I've suppressed it." Revan stopped. "I suppressed it all this week and didn't realize it. I was so focused on the memories… trying to deal with them…" Her voice trailed off. Revan clenched her fist. "But now the darkness… It corrupted Bastila… It corrupted me…" Slowly she turned to Mission and looked at her. "Why?"

Mission shifted uncomfortably. "Why what?"

"Why did you speak up and defend me when I told the crew the truth?"

"Because it is the truth," Mission said. "You're not Darth Revan. You haven't done anything evil the entire time we've been looking for the Star Maps. You're not the Dark Lord of the Sith. You're still Liana, even if you decided to call yourself Revan as a reminder—"

_Through victory my chains are broken…_

"I'm not Liana," she said. "Liana doesn't exist. It was just a cover… a hoax… It was just a cruel, cruel hoax…" Revan slowly began to laugh and cry at the same time. "You should never have defended me. Carth was right when he said those things. You all should have rallied against me, tied me up, shoved me in the cargo hold, demanded revenge and retribution for everything I'd done to you, to worlds, to innocent people. Maybe even have Canderous throw Jolee around for keeping his mouth shut and not speaking up to warn everyone ahead of time."

"Don't talk like that," Mission whispered. "Don't say that at all."

"Carth should have killed me like he killed Saul," Revan continued. She slowly fell to her knees and leaned against the side of the cool metal wall. "After all, I destroyed Telos. I killed his planet, his people, his wife. Because of me, his only child was content on becoming a Sith. Because of the war, he was kept away from his family. Carth loved his wife and son so much… so much, and I took them away from him. I don't deserve his forgiveness. I don't deserve his love."

"You didn't destroy Telos," Mission said. "Malak did. And as for Carth—"

"I don't know why he doesn't hate me," Revan said. "He should. Instead of promising to protect me, he should have been plotting my demise. Unless this romance is all part of a master plan… Earn my love, my trust… then stab me in the back…"

"Revan, stop talking like this," Mission ordered. "Just… just stop it! What's gotten into you?"

"He should have killed me," Revan whispered. "I don't deserve his love… I've done nothing to earn it… He should have killed me…"

Mission hopped off of Bastila's bed.

"A blaster to my brain," Revan cried. "I destroyed his life… I destroyed everyone's life… I don't deserve to live. I did such horrible things… horrible… The ways of the Sith… Sith Master… Sith Lord… Horrible things… The Darkness… Horrible…"

_The Force shall free me…_

"Revan, please stop!" Mission cried. "You're scaring me!"

"Now," Revan whimpered in between tears. "Now and forever… Lord Revan will rule…"

"Stop and think, Mission," she whispered to herself. "Carth… Get Carth… and Jolee."

"It calls," Revan whispered. "Calls so strong… so loud…"

"Carth!" Mission cried from the doorway of Revan's room. "Carth! Jolee! I need you guys, right now!"

_Welcome home, Lord Revan. We've missed you…_

"It welcomes me home," Revan whispered. "Welcome home… Welcome home…"

* * *

_Wow, it's been so long since I updated. Sorry for the delay. I've been sick, my beta-reader's been sick... Thanks for everyone's PMs inquiring about the status of the fic and my health. I really appreciate it._


	25. Voices

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Voices**

* * *

"Focus, dammit!" Jolee cried. He was kneeling in front of Revan, his hands on her shoulders. "Concentrate on the sound of my voice." 

_Darkness… Death… Destruction… Embrace the darkness again, Lord Revan. Revel in it. Drink it in. Defeat Malak and the Star Forge will be yours for the taking! We will be together again!_

Revan whimpered. "The darkness calls…" She looked away from Jolee. "I can't… stop… Loud…"

_Welcome home, Lord Revan. We've missed you._

Mission and Carth stood behind Jolee, watching the Jedi try and reach through to Revan. Mission held onto Carth's arm, worried for Revan, worried for her friends. She looked up at Carth and saw a stoic look on his face. When Mission screamed for Carth and Jolee, they nearly trampled the teenager as they rushed into Revan's room. Jolee immediately knelt in front of Revan, telling Carth to stay back, that there was nothing Carth could do for her. Carth protested, but Jolee ignored him. Carth's eyes were now focused on Revan, and Mission couldn't read his face as to what Carth was thinking.

"Listen to me!" Jolee snapped. "Listen to me! Listen to my voice, Liana!"

_Liana Suul… You abandoned that name when you became Lord Revan. A wise decision, indeed. _

"Liana Suul," Revan said in a sing-song voice. "Liana Suul, little fool."

"Don't give into the darkness!" Jolee cried. "Dammit, woman, ignore it! Don't slip! Don't do it! Focus on me, Liana!"

_Liana Suul doesn't exist anymore. There is only Lord Revan. There will only ever be Lord Revan._

"Liana Suul," Revan sang as she wept. "Only Lord Revan now… No more Liana…"

Jolee slapped Revan across the face.

"HEY!" Carth yelled. He rushed over and grabbed Jolee's shoulder, turning the older Jedi so he could look him in the eye. "What the hell's the big idea?"

Revan's eyes focused on Jolee. She grabbed her cheek. "You hit me!"

Jolee sighed. "At least I know you're still in there. Welcome back."

"Revan!" Carth cried. He abandoned Jolee, knelt in front of Revan, and cupped the sides of her face. "Beautiful, are you okay?"

Revan pushed Carth's hands aside. "I… I don't know." She looked at Jolee again. "He hit me…"

"To break you out of that trance you were in," Jolee said.

"It hurt."

"You should thank me," Jolee snorted. "Ungrateful child."

_Kill the old man! He cannot break you from your destiny of darkness! KILL HIM!_

Revan cringed. "Carth!"

"What?" he asked. "Revan, talk to me!"

_Kill all who stand between you and Us!_

"It won't go away," she whispered. "The… voice…"

"You have to resist it," Jolee said. "The Star Forge knows you're here. It'll do anything to get you to fall again. It's focusing on you, just like it was focusing on me and Juhani."

_Lies! All lies! Kill the old man!_

"You have to resist the temptation!" Jolee said. "Shut that voice up or you won't do any good against Malak!"

_Malak the traitor. He took Us from you! Kill the traitor and reclaim your title as Dark Lord of the Sith!_

Revan grabbed the sides of her head. "I… can't," she cried. "They're… louder…"

"Beautiful, listen to me!" Carth said, gripping her shoulders. "You can beat this!"

_Foolish pilot! Kill him!_

"No," Revan wept. "No… I can't…"

"Focus on my voice!" Carth said. "Focus on my emotions! Focus on whatever you have to!"

_Your feelings towards the pilot are the same as they were towards the traitor! Kill the pilot like you should have the traitor! He will only weaken you, prevent you from following your destiny! This is your calling, Lord Revan! Kill the pilot!_

"No!" Revan cried again. "I can't… I can't…"

_The traitor tried to kill you when you gained power! Now the pilot is trying to prevent you from doing it again! KILL HIM!_

"You can do it, Beautiful," Carth said. "Focus!"

"Carth," Revan cried. "Help… me…"

"I'm here," he said. He sat down and pulled Revan onto his lap. "I'm here."

Revan wept and tried hard to focus on Carth. She focused on the feel of his arms around her, and the feel of his beard scratching her forehead as he tucked her head under his chin. She focused on the texture of his jacket, feeling the front of the orange-leather jacket with her fingers. Revan thought of the numerous times Carth held her, and the promise he made to protect her…

"_I want to give you a future, with me. I think I could love you if you give me the chance."_

_But there will be no future, Carth_, Revan thought. The Star Forge was the end of her journey. She'd known that for a while. Her job was to rid the galaxy of the threat that was Malak.

_Malak, the traitor. He used you as a puppet to seize control, control that was never his to take! _

Revan cringed at the voice. But she had to admit it was right. All along Malak had manipulated her into doing what he wanted done, then tried to kill her in a cowardly way so he could take over the Sith army she'd worked so hard to build.

_That is the way of the Sith. Take your revenge!_

_There's no revenge to take_, Revan thought. She and Malak would both die, together. The galaxy needed to be saved from Malak, and saved from the potential of Revan returning to the dark side. Revan needed to die once and for all as punishment for all she had done in her reign, all she was responsible for. She might not have been there, been in charge of the evilness, but she helped put it in motion. Malachor V, Telos, Taris…

Revan would die on the Star Forge.

_There's no need to, Lord Revan! Once you kill Malak—_

_No_, Revan thought. She couldn't shut the voice up by declaring her alignment to the Jedi. The voice would always be there until her death. _There is no death, there is the Force._

_No, Lord Revan! Do not think these thoughts! The Star Forge is yours—_

"Not mine," Revan whispered.

"What's not yours?" Carth asked. "Talk to me, Beautiful."

_It's not mine,_ Revan thought. _It never was mine. I used it. And now I must pay the price for my evil acts, the past life that I know only through stories and horrible flashbacks. _

_Lord Revan, no!_

"Something's happening," Jolee said. "I can feel the voice… grow quiet."

"Is she beating it?" Mission asked.

Jolee and Carth looked at the teenager, both men almost forgetting she was still standing in the room. "She's doing something," Jolee said.

_I'll never forgive myself for my past actions_, Revan thought. _Never! I destroyed too many lives, especially the lives of my friends, the people I love. They say they forgive me, but how can they? And others… no matter where I go, I'll see people who I've scarred and ruined because of the Sith. I can't… I won't… The Star Forge is the end…_

"Liana," Jolee said, "say something."

_No, Lord Revan!_

"I'm sorry," Revan whispered. _This is the way it has to be…_

"Sorry for what?" Carth asked.

Revan looked up at Carth. "Everything," she whispered.

"Are you okay?" Jolee asked.

Revan didn't answer. She continued to look at Carth, not breaking eye-contact.

"Beautiful?" Carth asked. "You all right?"

"Better," she said, then fell silent again.

Jolee shook his head. "C'mon, get your stuff," he said. "We landed on the Star Forge, and it's time to do what we came here to do."

Revan looked at Jolee. "Why… Why did you call me Liana?"

"To try to get you to notice," he said. "If both the Star Forge and I were calling you 'Revan,' it would have been hard to figure out which one to listen to."

Revan didn't say anything.

"C'mon, Beautiful," Carth said. "We've all got to get our stuff. Admiral Dodonna's arrived with the fleet. They're fighting the Sith as we speak. We've got to get a move on."

_Just a while longer_, Revan thought. _Hold me just a while longer. Make me feel safe one last time…_

"Carth and I'll come with you," Jolee said. "You're not fighting this fight alone." He turned to Mission. "Get her lightsaber."

Mission nodded and opened Revan's footlocker.

Carth told Revan to stand up and grab her things. She did, taking the lightsaber from Mission and clipping it to her belt. Jolee then left Revan's quarters, taking Mission with him, leaving Carth and Revan alone. "Get whatever else you need," Carth told her. "I've got to go change into my armor—"

"Stay here," Revan said. "Stay on the Hawk, where it's safe—"

"Not on your life," he said. "We're in this together. I made you a promise, and I'm going to see it through."

"I don't want you hurt protecting me," she whispered.

Carth sadly smiled. "I'd be hurt a lot worse if I didn't try."

Revan's eyes filled with tears. _I want to die knowing you're safe, you stubborn pilot. _She embraced him. "Thank you," she whispered, feeling Carth's arms wrap around her. "For everything."

Carth gave her a squeeze.

"I love you." _I'm going to miss you so much…_

Carth smiled. "I love you, too." He broke the embrace. "You ready?"

"I… I think so," she lied.

"Good," he said. "Now get your stuff. We've still got a lot to do."

* * *

_Big thanks to the _Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl _soundtrack. I had it looping in the background while writing this chapter._


	26. The Star Forge

**Chapter Twenty-Six: The Star Forge**

* * *

"You goin' with them?" 

Carth turned around and saw Canderous standing in the doorway of the quarters they used to share. That was until Carth unofficially moved in with Revan. "Yeah," Carth answered. He gestured towards his footlocker. "Just grabbing what I need."

Canderous nodded. "You and Jolee both, huh?"

"Revan didn't choose, if that's what you're worried about," Carth said. "Jolee and I are going because Revan—"

"I know," Canderous said. "I heard Mission telling the Wookiee."

Carth checked his blasters over before placing them in their holsters.

"Is she… all right?" Canderous asked.

Carth looked at the Mandalorian. "Goin' soft?"

"Hey, you ain't the only one entitled to worry about her," Canderous spat. "Mission said she's all crazy in the head cuz the Star Forge is callin' to her. Damn shame if she has a meltdown before facin' Malak. That's not the way of a warrior. She needs to focus on the kill, and go—"

"All right, I'm sorry," Carth said.

"So is she all right?" Canderous asked.

Carth shrugged. "Dunno, really. She's fine for the moment. Hope she stays that way."

Jolee's voice called from the common room. "Carth? You ready? We're running out of time."

"Comin'," Carth called. He looked at Canderous. "Keep the ship runnin'," he said as he exited the room. Carth and Canderous walked down the hall together, heading for the common room. "If the Republic forces get through, they're not going to wait for us before blowing up the Star Forge. We'll need to make a fast getaway."

"The Hawk'll be waitin' for you," Canderous said.

Canderous and Carth entered the common room. The entire crew had assembled, waiting for the men to arrive. Carth walked over to Revan and placed his hands on her shoulders. Her hair had been tied back away from her face in a series of braids. He'd gotten used to seeing her with her hair down, the way her hair framed her face. Revan looked beautiful with her hair down. With her hair braided back, Revan looked more tired than anything, the sparkle in her eyes gone. But she still looked beautiful. "You ready?" Carth softly asked.

Revan hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Ready," she said.

Carth frowned. He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her tight, tell her everything was going to be okay. He wanted to somehow have the ability to make the voices of the Star Forge go away and leave her alone. But he was powerless. All he could do was fulfill his promise of protecting her from what he could.

"Krath Holy Armor," Revan said. Her voice sounded distant, even though she was standing in front of him.

Carth blinked. "Huh?"

She pointed to his chest. "We bought that on Korriban."

Carth nodded.

"You look good in purple."

"Thank you."

"Better than orange."

Carth smiled. "C'mon, let's go."

Revan stared at Carth for a few seconds. "Let's… go."

"Then let's stop standing here talking about it and move!" Jolee said with a snort. He walked towards the Ebon Hawk's ramp. "Longer we wait…"

Mission tugged at the sleeve of Revan's Jedi robe. Revan turned and looked at the teenager. "Good luck," Mission whispered.

Revan slowly nodded.

"We'll… we'll keep the ship running," Mission said, "and do what we can here."

"Of course you will," Jolee snorted. "Come on. Unless we want to blow up along with the Star Forge when the Republic Fleet takes this place out, then we better move now!"

Revan looked back at Carth. "Let's… let's go."

* * *

Revan lost count of how many Dark Jedi she had slain. After leaving the Ebon Hawk she, Carth, and Jolee met up with a Jedi Knight standing at the far end of the landing platform. She and the other Jedi Knights offered to help keep the Dark Jedi at bay, providing an escape area for them. Soon a wave of Sith and Dark Jedi appear. The familiar sound of Canderous's rifle filled the air as Revan turned and saw the rest of her friends aiding the Jedi. 

"We should help," Revan had said.

Jolee then grabbed her arm and pulled her away. "They're doing their job. Let's do ours."

The three made their way through the dark, cold station, slicing and shooting at Sith soldiers and Dark Jedi alike. Revan's dark robes hid the blood stains and splatters of those she had killed. She pushed the thoughts of killing those that once followed her aside, focusing on Malak. She had to stop Malak, and nothing could get in her way. Revan allowed her visions to guide them through the Star Forge, and she tried hard not to succumb to the pain and horror. Jolee could sense what she was going through, every so often placing a hand on her shoulder to silently ask if she was okay. Revan would nod without looking at him, and they'd move on.

Level after level of the dimly-lit space station, Sith greeted them with grenades and blaster fire. When Revan, Jolee, and Carth reached the factory level of the Star Forge, where silver Sith ships were continuously being mass-produced, Revan fell to her knees.

"Revan!" Carth cried.

"_Isn't this fantastic, Master? Look at the ships! Think of the Sith Navy we could create thanks to the precision and speed of the Star Forge!"_

"_It's wonderful, Malak," Revan said, her lips forming an evil-looking grin. "No effort at all from our part. The Star Forge gives us all we need, creating whatever we desire. The Dark Side serves us well."_

"_It does indeed, Master," Malak replied. "Soon the Republic will bow down before you, the Dark Lord of the Sith! All hail Lord Revan!"_

A door at the far end of the metal-grated platform opened. Carth and Jolee looked up and saw another wave of Sith troops headed their way. Carth spit a curse, then yelled for Revan to snap back to reality.

"_The Republic would be foolish to appose us now, Master!"_

"Revan, get up!" Jolee snapped. With Carth's help, they forced the small Jedi to stand on her feet. "We need you now!"

Revan blinked her eyes a few times, then saw the wave of Sith headed their way. She let out a faint gasp, then yelled, "Get down!"

A grenade was headed their way. With the aid of the Force, Revan grabbed hold of the grenade, then sent it flying back to where it came. The explosion rattled the floor and several Sith and Dark Jedi were sent flying over the sides of the platform. With nowhere to hide for cover, Carth began firing at the advancing troops, knowing that Jolee and Revan would block any return fire from the solders. For each Sith Carth blasted down, two more seemed to appear. He yelled overtop of the blaster fire, asking how many more of the troops they'd have to fight.

"They're here to stall us, and they know it," Jolee yelled back. He ran up to a Sith and sliced him down as Carth threw a grenade at an advancing pack of soldiers. "Malak must have sent every available man down here to stop us!"

Revan flew past Jolee, allowing the Force to speed her moves. The purple and blue colors of her duo lightsabers swirled as one bright, white light as she hacked and slashed. She leapt out of the way as Carth threw another grenade into the pack, sending more troops flying.

Revan continued to mow down the squadron of Sith, forcing the troops back to the entrance of the platform. Carth noted that Revan was fighting like she was alone, not spotting him or Jolee. That wasn't like her, but he didn't have time to analyze the situation. He rushed forward to get a better shot at the troops when he stumbled momentarily, almost dropping another grenade he had planned on launching. That brief stumble was enough to break his concentration, and enough of a break for him to miss the Sith aimed at him.

Carth let out a cry as a beam from the blaster came in contact with his left shoulder, another with the center of his chest.

"CARTH!" Revan cried, watching him fall. She watched as he grabbed his shoulder in pain and fell backwards, smoke rising from his wounds.

Revan focused on the Sith that had fired upon him. Her eyes narrowed. With the grace and skill of a dancer, Revan leapt behind the solder and sliced him in half. She drew power and strength from the Force, raised her arm, cried out in anger and pushed the remainder of the troops backwards, then off the platform.

Jolee stopped as the platform was free of Sith, with the exception of the troops already dead. "What in the name of the Force was that?" he whispered. "Revan?"

A chill ran down Revan's spine as she felt the voice of the Star Forge call to her.

_Wonderful, Lord Revan! Absolutely wonderful! Your anger serves you well._

Revan pushed the voice aside, then ran to Carth. She knelt and placed a hand on his chest. She couldn't see his wounds, just the bloody patches on his armor. Revan could feel the pain he was in as she watched him wince and cringe. Why hadn't she fought with him instead of throwing herself into the melee? She closed her eyes to call to the Force to heal Carth, then stopped. In her anger, she'd tapped into the Dark Side to kill the remaining Sith. What if she called to the Dark Side to heal Carth?

Before she had time to decide, Jolee intervened, healing Carth instead. Revan felt so helpless, that she couldn't even heal someone without second-guessing her actions. She hated the Star Forge and what it was doing to her. The temptation, the hatred… if she didn't know any better, Revan would swear the Star Forge shot at Carth to test her. In her anger she called to the Dark Side, and in the eyes of the Star Forge she'd passed the test. Damn this station to the depths of the darkest parts of the Force…

Carth moaned. Revan turned her attention back to him, helping him sit up. "You okay?" she whispered.

Carth nodded. "Fine… I'm okay." He looked into her eyes. "You?"

Revan said nothing.

Carth looked around, then back at Revan. "What just happened?"

"I'm wondering the same thing," Jolee said, looking at Revan in slight disgust.

Revan stood up. "This way," she said. "Let's go."

"Revan?" Carth asked, standing up. "What happened? There was a whole army here—"

"She took care of them," Jolee dryly answered.

Carth looked at Jolee. "She what?" He looked back at Revan. "What did you do?"

Revan continued to walk away, towards a door at the far end of the platform. _A room…_ _There_'s_ a room…_

"Revan, answer me!"

Revan reached the end of the platform and opened a massive door. She hesitated for a moment. "This is it," she whispered to herself, then stepped inside the room. Against the far wall of the room was a massive computer and a platform with a metal container. Revan let her visions guide her as she approached the computer and gently fingered the controls. "This is it," she whispered again.

"What's it?" she heard Carth ask.

Revan closed her eyes, feeling Carth and Jolee approach. Memories flooded her mind as she answered Carth's question: "This is where Darth Revan was born."

* * *

_Thanks so, so much to Ocelott (crazyocelot) for providing rather humorous comments along with her edits to this chapter. It's been a really rough couple of days, and her humor and friendship helped a lot. (Seriously, anyone who can weave in Sharon, Lois, and Bram references and lines about the Star Forge asking Revan who her Daddy is in beta-reading comments deserves praise.)_


	27. Intense

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Intense**

**

* * *

**

"This is where Darth Revan was born?" Carth asked. "I don't understand—"

"Lord Revan, Darth Revan," she whispered, pressing buttons on the computer interface. Her voice sounded as if she was reciting dialogue, not conversing. "Different titles… I've held them all, used them all. But the face… No one will believe a small, fragile, innocent-looking girl—"

"—_to be as powerful as I am." Revan smiled. She looked up from the computer interface and smiled at Malak. "Deceiving looks can be beneficial, Malak. But no more. If I am to rule as the Dark Lord of the Sith, I cannot show my face."_

"Revan?" Carth asked. "Did you just call me 'Malak'?" He turned to Jolee for help, but the older Jedi just shook his head. "Revan?" Carth asked again. He placed a hand on her arm. She continued to type on the computer interface. "Beautiful, talk me."

"_I don't understand, my master," Malak said._

"_Fool," Revan replied. She walked over to a white, cylinder cargo container at the far end of the computer room. "I shall rule the galaxy with fear. This is the key… the first step."_

"She's having another vision," Jolee said, watching Revan walk across the room.

"Tell me something I don't already know!" Carth cried.

Jolee looked at Carth. "She's never acted her visions out before."

Revan's eyes narrowed. "Lord Revan is something to be feared, not someone who looks the part of an innocent Jedi. Don't you understand, Malak? I will be the most feared icon in the galaxy. Nothing is more fearful than a face no one can see. Identity is power. My power will—"

Carth gripped her shoulders, turned her around to face him, and shook her. "Revan, listen to me! Snap out of it!"

Revan's face was pointed at his, but eyes were narrow, and she seemed to be staring right through him.

"She can't hear you," Jolee said. "The Star Forge is causing her to—"

"Beautiful, listen to me," Carth said as calmly as he could. "You're not Darth Revan. You're not her, you understand? You're not Darth Revan!"

The cargo contained glowed, then made a popping sound.

Carth looked at the cylinder container, then back at Revan. "What did you do?" Revan didn't answer. "Say something!" he said. "C'mon. The walkway isn't going to be clear forever. We've got to keep moving! We've got—"

Revan's eyes blinked. She gasped slightly, and her knees began to buckle. Carth caught her before she tumbled to the ground. Revan grabbed a hold of his arms, then looked at him. "Carth?" she whispered. Her eyes started to well with tears.

"Welcome back," he said. "You okay? What happened?"

She paused. "I don't know. The visions. They're stronger." She turned her head and looked at the cylinder container.

"I know," Carth said. "You've done good so far. Keep—"

Revan pulled away from Carth's grip and fingered the container. "I… created this…"

"What did you create?" Carth asked.

Revan pressed a button on the side of the container. The top of the cylinder spun open, the sound of metal sliding against metal filling the room. Revan reached inside and pulled out a tan set of robes with a leather chest plate. She held the robes out in front of her. "This."

* * *

Canderous threw a plasma grenade. Dark Jedi and Sith were sent flying backwards on the docking bay. Canderous screamed insults in Mando'a, firing rounds from his rifle. 

No sooner had Revan, Carth, and Jolee left the docking bay had a wave of Sith and Dark Jedi arrived. Juhani and Zaalbar leapt into the in the middle of the melee along with other Jedi Knights, slashing and hacking at advancing troops. HK-47 and Mission stayed back with Canderous, guarding the Ebon Hawk's ramp from behind a barricade of crates and cargo containers. To Canderous, the Star Forge seemed capable of cranking out troops like it could ships.

"Exclamation: Take that, meatbag!" HK-47 cried as he shot down two Sith. "Oh, how I love the smell of battle and blood!"

"You can't smell anything," Canderous yelled to the droid.

"Explanation: It is merely a meatbag colloquialism, not a personal feeling or emotion. Assumption: If I were to have scent sensors, I would take pleasure in—"

"LOOK OUT!" Mission screamed.

Canderous turned and saw a grenade headed their way. He grabbed Mission and pushed her out of the way, protecting her from the impact of the grenade with his body. When nothing exploded or came tumbling down, Canderous assumed the Sith had launched a sonic grenade.

"Exclamation: Eat blaster-fire, meatbags!" HK-47 cried, still firing on the Sith.

"You okay, kid?" Canderous asked. Mission nodded, then pushed Canderous off of her. She sat up and held her head. "Side effects from the grenade," Canderous said. He'd been hit by enough of them over the years he'd grown practically immune to their effects. He turned back around and aimed his rifle at the advancing troop of Sith. "Get inside the Hawk! I'll cover you!"

"I'm fine," Mission said. "Give me a minute—"

"Get inside the Hawk, kid!" Canderous said as he fired several rounds. "Got enough problems without you passin' out on me!"

Mission glared at Canderous. "I told Revan I'd help and I'm helping, you Mandalorian Wartbeast! Just give me a second and I'll be fine!"

Canderous spit, then went back to helping HK. He hoped Revan, Carth, and Jolee were having an easier time than they were.

* * *

Carth felt uneasy about Revan donning similar robes to Darth Revan's. The only difference was the color, and the lack of a cape and mask. Revan had insisted on wearing the robes, despite Carth's urging not to. 

"Why?" he had asked.

"I need to," she had answered. "I need to wear these."

"But why?"

Revan had looked at him, and was both confused and uncertain. "I don't know," she told him. "I just… need to."

Jolee had then intervened and told Carth to drop it, they needed to get going.

Revan's memories continued to guide them through the levels of the Rakatan factory. The farther they walked, the less Revan talked. She seemed to be walking in a daze, and Carth was no longer sure if she was the woman he'd grown to know. Was she slowly turning back into Darth Revan, or was she in control of the situation? Jolee hadn't stepped up and said anything, and Carth assumed he would if Revan was truly becoming a danger to them and herself. But Jolee hadn't, so Carth continued to tell himself she was okay. But four years of paranoia didn't go away overnight. "Revan, you okay?" Carth asked.

She didn't reply.

Dammit, he wished she'd answer him.

They continued to walk, the silence beginning to wear on Carth's nerves. It wasn't so much that they weren't talking to one another; it was that there was silence. No Dark Jedi, no Sith, just the low hum of the Star Forge, and the sounds of their boots making contact with the metal floor as they walked. Although it was nice to take a break from the fighting, Carth grew weary and uncertain as to their fate.

The platform they walked along ended in front of a large, metal door. Before Carth could ask who was going to open the door, Revan stopped and gently touched it. She closed her eyes and traced the cool metal door.

"What?" Carth asked.

"Bastila," Revan whispered.

_Bastila? _"What about her?" he asked.

"She's there. Waiting. Meditating. Anticipating."

Carth looked at Jolee for clarification. "She's on the other side of the door," Jolee said. "I can feel her."

"What's she doing?" Carth asked.

"Waiting," Revan answered. "Meditating."

"Malak's having her use her Battle Meditation to aid the Sith," Jolee said.

"Anticipating."

Jolee looked at Revan. "Anticipating what?"

Revan opened her eyes. "Me," she said, her voice hollow and emotionless. "She's been told to kill me."

Carth's eyes widened. "Revan—"

"She won't," Revan said. "Bastila's strong. But I'm stronger."

"Revan, are you sure?" Carth asked. "Are you sure she plans to—"

Revan head turned and faced Carth. "You dare doubt me?"

Carth took a step back. "Revan, look. I—"

"_You dare doubt the power of a Sith Lord?" Revan asked._

"_Master, forgive me," Malak said. "It is not my place to doubt my Master."_

"If I were you, Malak, I'd keep my doubts to myself!" Revan snapped. "I have no room for spineless weaklings in my empire!"

"Beautiful," Carth carefully said, "I'm not Malak. It's me, Carth."

"She can't hear you, Carth," Jolee said.

Carth glared at Jolee. "How do you know that, old man?"

"Where have you been, boy?" Jolee spat. "The closer we got to the Star Forge, the more of her memories surfaced. When we were practically in orbit, the Star Forge called to her, trying to get her to turn to the Dark Side. Now here we are, deep inside this space station, and you're standing there wondering why she's acting like this? The Star Forge is a living entity. This was Darth Revan's home. It's calling to its Master and doing everything in its power to have her stay here. I can feel it; it's tempting me, too." He looked at Revan. "The longer we're here, the more intense her visions are going to become."

"There's no room for failure, Malak!" Revan snapped. "Imbecile! You're lucky I don't kill you where you stand!"

Carth looked at Jolee. "How intense?"

Jolee sadly shook his head. "I don't know, Carth. I wish I did."

Revan screamed. She grabbed the sides of her head and fell to her knees, weeping. "Make it _STOP_!" she cried. "Make it stop…"

Carth rushed to her and knelt down to hold her. "I'm here, Revan," he said, rubbing the palm of his hand up and down her spine.

"Make it stop," she sobbed, clinging hard to Carth. "I can't think! I can't do anything! Make it stop!"

"Shhh," Carth said. He didn't know what to say to her, didn't know how to comfort her. Revan felt like a rag doll in his arms, a rag doll on the verge of a mental breakdown. The only thing that came to mind to tell her were empty, cliché words of encouragement and support. "You just have to keep fighting it, Gorgeous. You're doing good. You'll be okay."

"They won't go away," she wept. "I can't—"

"Yes, you can," he said. "You're strong, Revan. You can do this."

"I can't… make them stop," she said in between sobs. "Help me."

Revan was trembling and clinging to him. He'd made a promise to her, and damn the Force she was cashing in on it. Carth felt helpless. "Shhh," he said again. Carth cradled her head against his chest, holding her tight. "I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."

"Hate to be the one to end the comfort session," Jolee said, "but we've got to keep going if—"

"Bastila wants to kill me," Revan sobbed. "They all do. They all want to kill me. I'm a monster who needs to be stopped!"

"You're not a monster," Carth said. "Not anymore. You've changed. Remember what I promised you? I promised to protect you, Revan. I wouldn't promise that to someone who's a monster." He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Beautiful."

Revan sniffed.

"C'mon," Carth said. "Jolee's right. We've got to keep moving." He looked at the heavy metal door. "You go in there and do what you have to do to stop Bastila. Jolee and I'll be right there with you."

Revan was still trembling, but she nodded. She took a few deep breaths and tried to calm herself down, before making an effort to stand up. Carth helped her, and asked if she was all right.

Revan grabbed the front of his armor, lowering him down to her level, and kissed him hard. Carth wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close as he kissed her back. _Focus on me_, _Beautiful,_ he thought as he kissed her, his tongue sliding into her mouth. _Focus on this moment. Focus on us. _Carth swore he heard Jolee groaning in the background, but he didn't care. He loved Revan too much to see her go through this and feel helpless while watching her. He was willing to do anything to keep her on the light side, anything for those memories to stop flooding her mind. She needed him, and dammit, he was going to do his best to help her.

Revan abruptly broke the kiss, catching Carth off-guard. He blinked a few times, then looked at her. For a brief moment he saw the familiar twinkle in her eyes. "I love you, too," she whispered.

Before Carth could say anything, Revan released her grip, then turned around and opened the metal door. Carth looked through the open door and saw a woman wearing black robes sitting before what looked like a computer-rendered view of the battle outside the Star Forge. "Bastila."


	28. Bastila

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Bastila**

_

* * *

Bastila Shan, apprentice to Darth Malak. She's there. She's waiting for you. She's waiting, meditating, anticipating. _

No matter how hard she tried, Revan couldn't block the voice of the Star Forge. Hadn't she blocked the Star Forge back on the Ebon Hawk? Why was it back? Why wouldn't it leave her alone? Revan wasn't sure if the Star Forge was trying to warn her because she was once its Master, or spinning her in circles to throw her off her guard. She'd called out to it when Carth was injured, and Revan regretted it. She didn't regret saving Carth; she regretted calling to the dark side of the Force. And the worst part was, Revan did it without thinking. Her emotions got the better of her, and the darkness flowed through her as easily as it had before…

_Bastila's been told to kill you. Kill you, Lord Revan! Your own apprentice has ordered you former friend to kill you in battle! _

_She won't, _Revan thought as she stared at the back of Bastila's head. _I'm stronger. She won't._

_We will fight her together._

_No, we won't,_ Revan thought.

_You need Us, Lord Revan! You need the power of the Star Forge! Admit it! You need Us, just like you needed Us to save the Republic pilot! The pitiful Republic Pilot. You continue to require his help. He could have died if it weren't for Us. We helped you. And We will help you again!_

Revan grabbed the sides of her head. "No," she gasped.

Revan felt two strong hands grab her upper-arms. "It's okay," she heard a voice say. The voice sounded distant. She could barely hear it. Carth? Was it Carth that said she was okay? Her head was spinning. Revan could no longer tell who was talking to her, who was trying to help, who was trying to harm.

_Use Our power!_

"I'm here, Beautiful."

"_You're so… beautiful, Revan," Malak said. "I… Your beauty—"_

"_You will address me as Master!" Revan snapped. "And you will continue to do so unless I state otherwise!"_

"_I… I apologize, my Master," Malak said._

"Liana? It's Carth, not Malak. Can you hear me? Beautiful, it's Carth."

_Oh sweet Force, _Revan thought. She started to cry. Revan could no longer think straight, could no longer focus. "Leave me alone!" she screamed, looking upward. "Do you hear me? _Leave me alone!_"

_You've alarmed Bastila! She wishes to kill you! Stop denying your true feelings, you passion, your darkness! Use Us, Lord Revan! Use our power!_

"No!" Revan cried.

_The Republic Pilot! Bastila sees him! Bastila will kill him before she kills you! Defend him! If you love him, defend him!_

Revan immediately grabbed her lightsabers, turned them on and stood in her defensive stance. It took her a few seconds to realize she'd blindly followed the Star Forge. She turned her lightsabers off and muttered a soft curse.

Bastila stood before Revan, Carth, and Jolee, her double-bladed lightsaber still off, a cold smile on her pale lips. Bastila's skin was beginning to show a gray tint, the color starting to drain the further she slipped to the Dark Side of the Force.

"Revan," Bastila said, her tone cold. "I knew you'd come for me."

_Kill her! She is the apprentice to the traitor! Kill her now!_

Revan cringed and tried to suppress the voices. "I'm… I'm not Darth Revan," she managed to say.

Bastila shook her head. "Sadly, I know this is true," she said. "Had you reclaimed the power of your previous identity, I would be your apprentice, not Malak's." Bastila gripped her weapon. "But you rejected the dark side."

_Reclaim! Reclaim!_

Revan cringed again. She could see herself using the Force to grab Bastila by the neck and throw her clear cross the room. The darkness was at her fingertips. She could feel it…

_Use the Dark Side! Let Us help you!_

"Now you must pay the price," Bastila continued. "Here on the Star Forge the Dark Side is as its strongest. This time you will not defeat me!"

Before Revan could say anything, Bastila raised her hand and placed Jolee and Carth in stasis.

"Carth!" Revan cried. She turned to see Carth standing back, his arms raised above his face, motionless like a statue. Then the door closed, locking Carth and Jolee on the other side.

Bastila cackled. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were in love with that whining fool."

_Kill Bastila! Kill her!_

Revan gripped her lightsabers in anger, then slowly turned around. She glared at Bastila. Both woman turned their weapons on, and the duel began.

Revan attacked first, using her anger to fuel her energy. For every attack Revan issued, Bastila defended perfectly, as if she was reading Revan's mind. _Just like on Dantooine_, Revan thought as she continued to attack. Bastila wasn't the best swordsman among the Jedi, but Bastila still had trained her well.

Or had Revan simply forgotten due to the mindwipe?

Images of the Jedi Council ran through her mind. Each and every one of them—

Vrook, Vandar, Dorak, Zhar—they all lied to her! They all knew her true identity! They all used her!

Revan gathered her anger and sent a Force Wave Bastila's way. The younger woman was caught off-guard and was sent flying backwards, crashing hard onto the metal floor.

Revan breathed heavily, trying to catch her breath. What was she doing? Her anger, her rage… The Star Forge was winning her over again.

Revan heard the Star Forge laughing.

"No," she whispered, tears beginning to form. "No!"

"I see now why Malak followed you," Bastila said, standing up. "Even though you are a shell of your former self, you are still a formidable opponent. I can't even imagine the power you must have wielded when you were the Dark Lord. You were a fool to give it all up and follow the light side."

_Even the young fool Bastila knows you were wrong to leave Us!_

_No,_ Revan thought. She told herself not to listen. "I am strong in the light," Revan said. "The dark side… It's consumed you, Bastila. Don't let it. It'll destroy you like it's trying to destroy me."

Bastila laughed. "The dark side had made me stronger than I ever was before! I have a greater command of the Force than all but the most powerful Jedi Masters!"

An image of a young boy flashed before Revan's eyes.

"_You're the most powerful Jedi I've ever met, Liana," he said. "And you're only a Padawan. I bet one day you'll be even stronger than even the most powerful Jedi Masters!"_

The boy was bald… with two dark lines on his head…

"Malak," Revan whispered. _Why did he call me Liana?_

"As Malak teaches me the greatest secrets of the Sith," Bastila continued, "I will unlock my potential! Eventually there will be no limit to what I can accomplish with the Force!"

Revan saw images from her dream of Telos's destruction. She winced at the memory. "No," she said, trying to find the strength. "The dark side is nothing but… destruction… death… You don't want that, Bastila. Don't… don't do what I did."

Bastila snorted. "Jedi propaganda. The dark side is only a tool, and Malak will train me in its use. Eventually I will surpass my Master and challenge him. If I am worthy, he will die at my hand. Then I will take on my own apprentice and the cycle will start again."

"Got it all figured out, huh?" Revan said. "You talk about the dark side like it's something experienced for more than a few days."

"This is the way of the Sith!" Bastila snapped. "It is how we assure our leaders are always the strongest and most worthy!"

"You're dooming yourself to an endless cycle, Bastila!" Revan said. "Don't you see?"

"No, Revan! It is you who are doomed!"

Bastila leapt forward, did a somersault in the air, and attacked. Fearing her anger would consume her again, Revan defended. She watched Bastila's attacks, repeating to herself over and over, _Defend… Defend… Defend. _As the lightsabers' crashed together, Revan did everything in her power to continue defending and not let her anger control her. _Defend… Defend… Defend…_

"You are growing weary!" Bastila said as she continued to attack. "I can sense it! Your strength falters. The light side is failing you while the power of the Star Forge re-energizes me! Soon this will all be over!"

Revan used the Force to push Bastila away. Bastila sneered as she fell to the ground a second time. Before Bastila could say anything else, Revan turned her lightsabers off. "Then strike me down," she said. "I won't defend myself."

_Lord Revan, no! No, not when We are so close! Finish her off! Kill her!_

Bastila looked at Revan in disbelief. "What type of trick is this?"

_You've caught her off-guard! Strike her down! Reclaim your title! Free the universe of this cowardly Sith!_

"This is no trick," Revan said. "You're not evil, Bastila. You won't strike down a defenseless opponent."

"I am a Sith apprentice now!" Bastila cried. "You place too much faith in what I used to be… and for that you shall pay!"

_KILL HER!_

"No, Bastila!" Revan cried.

Bastila leapt forward again, and Revan barely got out of the way, turning her lightsabers back on as she dodged. Weapons crashed together as Bastila and Revan continued to fight. The Star Forge was sending much of its strength to Bastila, and Revan was doing her best to counter it. Revan called to the light side of the Force for strength.

_Stop, Lord Revan! What are you doing? You need Us! Call to Us!_

She ignored the Star Forge, focused on Bastila, and called out again to the light side to help her.

Revan suddenly felt physically lighter. She could feel the Force flow through her, aiding her. It was no longer a struggle to fight, to maintain control of the battle. She felt a skilled Jedi warrior fighting a first-year padawan. The light side had listened to her and responded…

"_I do not understand the significance—"_

"_You are a fool, Malak! These dark robes were constructed by the Star Forge. The fabric is filled with dark power. It channels the dark side of the Force, making me even more powerful than I already am!"_

The robes she wore as Darth Revan channeled dark side powers. These robes she made earlier looked just like her Darth Revan robes, but were white and tan…

Were her tan robes channeling the light side…?

Maybe that's why she told Carth she had to wear them…

Bastila fell to her knees, gasping for air. "No," she cried. "No, this is not possible! You have rejected the dark side. You are a weak and pathetic servant of the light! How can you still stand against me? Why can't I defeat you?"

Revan took a step back and turned her lightsabers off. "The light side is always stronger than the darkness."

Bastila looked up at Revan. "Yes… I see you speak the truth. I am no match for you. Please, for the sake of what we once shared, do not make me suffer. End my life quickly. There is no other way."

Revan's heart leapt to her throat. She thought of the morning before the Ebon Hawk crash-landed on the Rakatan Beach. Carth held her tight that morning. He'd given her his all, showing her the only way he could how much he loved her, how much he didn't want her to die fighting Malak. Revan thought of that evening on the same beach, where Carth told her he loved her. She thought of him comforting her as the Star Forge called, Carth whispering that everything was going to be okay as she wept in his arms. She didn't want that moment to end…

Nothing could convince Revan she shouldn't die here. She needed to put an end to Darth Revan once and for all…

And now Bastila was begging for death, too…

No… Bastila was young. She didn't know any better. She'd been brainwashed by Malak to think that the dark side was better, superior. He was using her—

_A tale all too familiar, Revan_, she thought. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"There's no need to kill you," Revan whispered. _I'm the one that needs to die. Not you… _

Bastila's eyes were large and pleading. "What other choice do you have?" she softly cried. "I've fallen to the dark side. I am the apprentice to the Dark Lord himself. You cannot let me live."

The words stung.

"You've always preached about redemption," Revan said, struggling for something to tell her. "You told me the council set out to redeem me—"

"You were a special case," Bastila whispered. "The council had no other choice. They needed you alive so they could discover the location of the Star Forge." She looked up at Revan. "It was an act of desperation."

_So the Jedi Council used you like the traitor used you. They didn't forgive you for your acts as Darth Revan. You were merely a tool._

Revan cringed at the Star Forge. But she had to admit, the Star Forge was right…

"It was my responsibility to watch over you," Bastila said, "to make sure you did not slip back into your evil ways. I was supposed to protect you from the dark side."

"You did protect me," Revan said.

_The Republic pilot protected you, not her._ _Kill her! She used you, Lord Revan!_

"But at what cost, Revan?" Bastila whispered. "In protecting you, I fell to the dark side myself. Is that the price of a Jedi's redemption? Must another fall to save me?"

"I can't answer that," Revan whispered.

"I cannot allow that to happen. Please, Revan, this is too painful. Strike me down. End this now, quickly! There is no other way."

_I can't do this,_ Revan thought. _I can't kill her…_

"Please, Revan…"

"I'm… I can't kill you, Bastila," Revan whispered.

"There is no other way!"

"Yes there is," Revan said. "You know what you've done is wrong. So stop! Change right here, right now. Help us defeat the Sith."

Bastila thought for a moment, then slowly nodded. "Yes… I could… I could join you in your battle against the Dark Lord. That alone would not make up for all I have done, yet… it would be a step in the right direction…" She looked at Revan, uncertain. "But how would you be able to trust me? How do you know I wouldn't turn on you when you faced Darth Malak? How do you know the dark side wouldn't make me betray you again?"

"I trust you," Revan said. "That should be enough."

"You play a dangerous game," Bastila said. "Are you certain you wish to take this risk? I could end your life and gain Malak's favor with a single stroke of my lightsaber."

"But you won't."

"You are brave… and some would say foolish," Bastila said. "But you are also right. The dark side has not wholly consumed me. I cannot raise my blade against you."

Revan smiled.

"I should stay here, though," she said. "If we were to face Malak, I am afraid his dark presence will overwhelm me. It would not be wise to expose myself to such temptation. You don't need me to defeat Malak, anyway. Now I understand a true Jedi is no match for any Sith, even the Dark Lord himself."

Revan extended her hand and helped Bastila to her feet. "I… I will stay here," Bastila said, "in this chamber and use my Battle Meditation to aid the Republic Fleet. I am their only hope of destroying the Star Forge and ending the Sith menace.

"You must go face Malak, but you have to hurry," Bastila said. "Once I turn the battle in the Republic's favor, we won't have much time to escape the Star Forge before it's destroyed."

"I know," Revan said.

"Good luck," Bastila said. "And may the Force be with you."

* * *

_Sorry for the long wait! Eep! Trying so hard to graduate..._


	29. Symbiotic

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Symbiotic

* * *

**

She was gone.

One minute they were standing there on the platform, ready to face Bastila. The next, Jolee and Carth were standing behind a locked door, still on the same platform. Revan was nowhere to be seen.

Bastila. She must have used the Force to freeze them, or something… But why? To prevent them from ganging up on her? To prevent them from helping Revan?

Carth tried to unlock the heavy metal door. Tried was the operative word considering he hadn't opened one door while on the Star Forge, and didn't know where the locking mechanism was. He just knew that he couldn't get the door open. He asked Jolee for help; they needed to get to the other side to aid Revan.

"She's not there," Jolee said.

"What are you talking about?" Carth snapped. "She's in there with Bastila! She—"

"Not anymore," Jolee said. "Don't you—Well, I suppose you can't."

"Don't I what?"

"There's a change in the Force," Jolee said, stepping up to the door and inspecting it. "The Star Forge is concerned. Revan's done something it doesn't like."

Carth looked at Jolee. "That's good, isn't it?"

"For the battle, yes," Jolee answered. He ran his hand against the metal door. "For us, I don't know."

"Not following you."

A loud metal bang rang through the small hallway. Jolee stepped back and the door slid open, revealing the room Bastila was meditating in before—

"Bastila!" Carth said, seeing the young woman sitting in front of a view screen of the battle outside, her back to him. "She's…" He didn't finish the sentence. Carth ran into the room, blasters drawn, looking for any sign of trouble, and any sign of Revan. "Bastila!" Carth cried, raising a blaster to Bastila's head. "Where's Revan? Where is she?"

Bastila didn't answer.

"Bastila!" Carth snapped.

"She's in deep meditation, son," Jolee said. "Her battle meditation—"

"What's she meditating on?"

"Check out the view screen and tell me yourself."

Carth looked at Jolee, then up at the view screen. He saw the computer images of the Star Forge, the Republic warships, the Sith warships, the small fighters for both sides, and the flashes of weapon fire. He studied the view screen for a few seconds, then blinked. If he was reading the screen correctly, the Republic fighters were flying in perfect formation… and the Sith fighters were decreasing in numbers…

"We're winning," Carth gasped. "How…" He looked down at Bastila's head.

"The change in the Force I felt," Jolee said. He looked at Carth. "Bastila's on our side now."

Carth lowered his blaster. "Revan," he whispered.

"The Star Forge is in a panic," Jolee said. "I can feel the chaos, the concern, the desperateness. Revan convinced Malak's apprentice to switch sides. It threw everything it could at Revan, and she still—"

"—managed to defeat it," Carth finished, still looking at the top of Bastila's head. Pride filled his heart as he re-holstered his blasters. Revan had done it. She'd beaten the Star Forge. He was so proud of her.

Jolee snorted. "I wouldn't say she defeated it. Maybe resisted it this time. But certainly not defeat."

Carth looked at Jolee. "But she—"

"—still has a long way to go," Jolee said. "She still has Malak yet to face. Bastila's nothing compared to what she has yet to do. Malak's going to be difficult even if the Star Forge gives her a moment's peace."

_Malak_, Carth thought."I've got to help her." He looked all around, looking for some clue of the direction Revan went. "Where did she go? She needs my help!"

"You can't help her," Jolee said. "She's on her own now."

Carth rushed over to a computer panel near the view screen. Everything was in Rakatan—the buttons, the controls, the read-out. If he could just find a security camera feed, maybe he could figure out where she was and where she went.

"You're wasting your time," Jolee said. "We need to get back to the Ebon Hawk before this place—"

"I made a promise to her!" Carth snapped. He studied the control panel silently wishing T3-M4 was there. Carth began punching random buttons, hoping one of them would do something. When nothing happened, he kicked the computer in frustration.

"Revan must face Malak on her own," Jolee said. "There's nothing you can do. This is something she needs to do on her own. She's a Jedi, he's a Sith. You can't do anything to help her."

"I told her I'd be there when she faced Malak!"

"And that's a promise even she knows you couldn't possibly keep!" Jolee snapped. "You've followed her this far, and even I'm amazed you're still alive after facing all those Dark Jedi. This is a matter that's beyond your help."

"I said—"

"I know what you said," Jolee continued, "and I know why you said it. But you can only help her so far. The rest she's got to do on her own. You can't protect her now."

Carth kicked the computer. "I can't just stand here and do nothing!"

"That's precisely what you're going to do!"

"I'm not going to—"

"Dammit, Carth, you're not a Jedi!" Jolee yelled. "You can't do a damn thing against Malak other than get yourself killed! I know you said you'd fight along side of her because you love her and want to protect her! But dammit, Carth, you can't do anything for her now! This is something she has to do on her own! She has to face Malak alone! You don't know what those two were like before!"

"And I suppose you do?" Carth said angrily, looking at Jolee.

"As a matter of fact, I do!"

Carth didn't have a comeback. He stood there in silence.

Jolee took a deep breath. In a calmer, quieter voice, he explained. "What you and Revan share she once shared with him. I'm not talking friendship, I'm not talking lovers. When I first met you and Liana on Kashyyyk, I felt the same thing with you two that I felt when I first met Revan and Malak."

"What exactly are you talking about?" Carth asked.

"The Force controls the galaxy," Jolee said. "Everything the Force does is for a purpose, for a reason. The Force brought Revan and Malak together, just like it brought you and Liana."

"Basic, Jolee!" Carth snapped in frustration.

Jolee grumbled. "What you and Liana share goes beyond friendship, beyond lovers. There is a reason you two are together, a reason you two are so close. You can't exist without her. Everything you went through after Telos turned you into a soulless monster hell-bent on revenge. Liana changed that, and dammit don't you know it. She makes you a person again, and she brings back everything you thought you lost when your wife died. She's the only person who's ever done that, who you've ever let beyond that emotionless wall you worked so hard to build."

Carth said nothing.

"And you do the same thing for her," Jolee continued. "Her world collapsed when she learned the truth. And you turned your back to her. She worked so hard to regain your trust because you were the one person that mattered to her. Did you hear her yell at me for knowing who she was all along? Did you see her buddy-buddy up with Canderous because he was awestruck? No, dammit! She even went out of her way to make sure you found Dustil! And you still weren't talking to her until she collapsed from exhaustion! Even then what did she do, huh? She called for you. She didn't want Mission, or Juhani, or me. She wanted you. And you weren't even talking to her!"

"What are you trying to say?" Carth asked.

"Aren't you listening to me?" Jolee cried. "Son of a Sith, Carth! You two have a symbiotic relationship. You can't function without her, and she needs you to keep her strong."

Carth said nothing.

"Revan had that same relationship with Malak," Jolee continued, much calmer. "And don't think she doesn't know that. She's had enough flashbacks to know that what you are to her now, he was to her then."

Carth looked back at the computer consol. "I still want to help her."

"You are," Jolee said. "She turned Bastila back. You think she would have done that if it wasn't for you?"

"I… I don't know," Carth said. "I just—"

A red light on the computer monitor started to blink rapidly. Carth frowned and pressed what looked to be the corresponding button. The computer monitor then turned to a video feed of a room filled with smoking… something. Robots? Carth frowned. What was he looking—

A small person came into view, holding a lightsaber in each hand.

"Revan!" Carth gasped. "She's in that room!"

"What room?" Jolee asked.

"I don't know," Carth said. "I don't know where—"

"To your right."

Jolee and Carth looked at each other, then at Bastila. The young Jedi opened her eyes and looked up at the two men. "She went through the door on your right. Malak's set up a trap for her."

Carth ran towards the door on the right.

"Blast it!" Jolee cursed. "Boy doesn't listen no matter what I tell him!" He chased after Carth, calling for him to stop.

Carth reached the door only to find it locked. "Blast!" he softly swore as he searched for the latch Jolee used to unlock the door. "Where's the lock, where's the lock, where's the—"

"Move," Carth heard Jolee grumble. He turned to his right and saw Jolee reach up and turn a switch. The metal door slid open.

The first thing Carth saw was smoke. He coughed and waved a hand in front of his face, then stepped inside. "Revan?" he called, grabbing his blasters. "Rev, you okay?"

The only sound Carth heard was the snapping and crackling of the destroyed robots. As he walked forward, he looked for her, hoping she was okay. "Revan?"

Then he saw her. She was standing at the far end of the room, looking at… something. All he could see was her profile.

"Revan!" he called, now running towards her. "Wait up!"

She ran to him and they embraced, Carth kissing her passionately, telling her how much he loved her, and how he'd fight along side of her until the end.

Or at least that's what he envisioned would happen. Instead, Revan turned her head and looked at him. She looked stoic, showing no emotion, and said nothing.

Carth stopped halfway to her. "Revan," he said. "Beautiful… are you okay?"

She said nothing.

"Revan," he said again, searching for something to say. "Revan, I…"

She gripped her lightsabers, turned her head forward, then walked away.

There would be no embrace, no kiss, no last words of encouragement.

Carth watched her. He didn't know what to say or what to do. He stood there helpless. Carth had been fighting with Jolee, telling him how he needed to help Revan. And she walked away without so much as a word. His emotions overwhelmed him, and all he could feel was failure. Jolee was right. He made a promise he couldn't possibly keep.

A hand touched his shoulder. Carth closed his eyes. He felt tears forming, his eyelashes moist. "If that's an 'I told you so', Jolee—"

"Come on," Jolee said, patting Carth's shoulder. "We can watch from the monitors in the other room."

Carth looked at Jolee. "Watch? Watch what?"

Jolee smiled and shook his head. "The moment we've waited for all year."


	30. Memories

**Chapter Thirty: Memories**

_

* * *

She saw a small and scrawny youngling crying in the corner of the padawan playroom. He had brown hair neatly trimmed, was wearing brown padawan robes that looked to be two sizes too big for him, and brown leather boots that didn't quite fit. He must have been there for a while, yet all the other padawans were either ignoring him or were busy playing and simply didn't notice. She felt sorry for him, so put down her hand-held game and walked over. _

"_Hi," she said. "Everything okay?"_

_The boy wiped his nose on his sleeve and looked up at her. She noticed he had big brown eyes. "Hi," he whispered._

"_What's wrong?" she asked._

_Again, the boy wiped his nose on his sleeve. "Nothing."_

_She crossed her arms. "I don't believe you. I've been training to be a Jedi for two years now, and I know you're so lying."_

"_I'm not," the boy insisted._

_She rolled her eyes. "If you're crying, you can't possibly be okay. Duh!" The boy frowned. "You must be new here." She sat down in front of the boy. "I'm Liana Suul, second-year padawan."_

_The boy sniffled. "Malak."_

"_Did you just join the Jedis?" Liana asked._

_Malak nodded. "Uh-huh."_

"_Miss your family?"_

_Malak nodded._

_Liana frowned. "Yeah, I miss mine, too. They still live on Corellia, I think." She tried to think of something else to talk about, something that wasn't so sad. "How old are you?"_

"_Five," Malak said. _

"_I'm seven," Liana smiled. "I remember being your age and scared, and all."_

_Malak said nothing._

_Liana giggled. "Wanna see what I can do?" Before waiting for him to answer, she pointed to a blue cup on a nearby table. "Watch this." Liana concentrated on the cup. She heard Malak gasp as the cup levitated off the table and floated over towards them. _

"_Astral!" he said as Liana made the cup twirl in the air, then land on the palm of her hand._

_Liana's eyes twinkled. "That's not all I can do," she grinned. "There was this one time…"_

Revan's heart leapt to her throat. She stood at the doorway of the Star Forge's bridge, her lightsabers drawn. Malak stood at the far end, looking out the massive window, watching the battle outside. Revan stared at the back of his head, the recent flashback fresh in her mind. They were just kids… so young, so naïve…

But now things were different. They weren't cute little younglings anymore. Together she and Malak turned an entire galaxy upside down, declaring themselves rulers of the Sith. They were evil people, evil rulers. And now the Force had brought them together one last time… one last time to end their evil rule over the galaxy and restore peace…

_Until another Sith Lord steps up, Lord Revan. Then the cycle will begin again. You could train that Sith—_

Revan cringed and told the Star Forge to go away. This was a matter between her and Malak. No one else could intervene, no one else could help. That's why she walked away from Carth. He wanted to help with something he couldn't possibly understand or even handle. Carth was safer standing on the sidelines, not jumping into the middle of the battle.

Carth… If only things were different. If only she didn't have to do this…

Slowly, Revan stepped forward, walking towards the center of the bridge. The room was empty—empty, cold, and quiet. Malak made no move to acknowledge Revan's presence, but she knew he could feel her. He could always feel her.

"_Bet I could beat you down the hall again," Liana grinned._

"_We can't!" Malak hissed, looking all around the hall in case someone overheard. "You remember what Master Vrook said last time you raced me down the hall. We'll get in trouble!" he said through clenched teeth._

"_Just tell him you were practicing your speed skills," Liana said with a shrug._

"_What, so I could finally beat you at something?"_

"_Uh-huh!" Liana smiled. "C'mon. No one's around."_

_Malak grumbled. "You're just gonna beat again like always. You never let me win."_

"_That's cuz I'm better than you."_

"_No, you're not! Master Zhar said that we're both really good for our age!"_

_Liana's eyes twinkled mischievously. "He was just tellin' you that so you don't feel bad."_

Revan saw Malak turn around and look at her. He said nothing, then started to walk forward. She'd forgotten how tall he was… a good head taller than Canderous. And she was almost as tiny as Mission…

Mismatched. That's what the other Jedi Knights referred to them as.

Revan was scared of him, of what he could do. On the Leviathan she could barely handle him. If it wasn't for Bastila stepping in when she did, Malak would have easily struck her down. He was powerful, and with the power of the Star Forge backing him…

Revan cleared her mind of doubt. No, the Light Side was always more powerful than the Dark Side. That part she believed now. Revan had learned her lesson the hard way, by having her life taken away yet slowly and maddeningly returned to her in bits and pieces. All because she chose the way of the Sith, because she meddled in something she had no business in meddling in…

"_It's the middle of the night—"_

"_I don't care!" Liana hissed, sitting down on the edge of Malak's bed. "I need to talk to you!"_

"_Here?" Malak asked, gesturing towards his sleeping roommate._

_Liana flicked her wrist and used the Force to freeze the sleeping Twi'lek. "This is important!"_

_Malak smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Suul, I swear, there are days—"_

"_The Mandalorians are advancing," Liana said._

_Malak frowned. "What do you mean?"_

"_I mean they're invading more of Republic space," she said._

"_How do you—"_

"_I overheard Master Vandar and Master Vrook talking about it," she said. "I was in the library—"_

"_Just get to the point," Malak sighed._

"_The Republic wants the Jedi to help. They're supposed to hold a Council meeting about it tomorrow, but I don't think the Republic's gonna be happy."_

"_Why?" Malak asked, sitting up._

"_I heard them agree that this isn't something the Jedi should run in on. Something about danger, I don't know."_

_Malak frowned. "So you woke me up to tell me that you think you overheard something but you're not sure what?"_

_Liana groaned. "I've been following the Mandalorian and Republic—"_

"_I know that."_

"_Look, I just think if the Council decides not to help the Republic that it's the wrong thing," she said. "Our job is to defend the Republic, not sit back and decide if we want to."_

"_Suul, you don't even know what the Council's decided or if they've decided anything," Malak sighed. "Look, it's four and a half hours until daylight and I want—"_

"_But what if they decide not to help?" Liana asked. "I mean, what if they don't do what they're supposed to do?"_

"_Trust in the greater wisdom of the Jedi Council, and all that junk," Malak grumbled, lying back down. "And for the sake of the Force, go back to bed."_

"_I can't just sit by and do nothing!" Liana said. "We have to do something!"_

_Malak propped himself up on his forearms. "'We'?" he asked. "What 'we'?"_

"_We," she said, "as in you and I."_

"_Okay, wait a minute here," Malak said. "You don't know what the Council has decided, and you've already assumed they're not going to help—"_

"_Yes."_

"_And you want to do something to help the Republic anyway, which means defying the Council _if_ they've decided not to help."_

"_Yes."_

_Malak collapsed on the bed and covered his face with his hands. "Suul," he whined. "We just got promoted to Jedi Knight. I don't wanna lose the title because of something you're assuming based on facts you don't even know—"_

"_I thought you'd find this important, too!" Liana said._

"_Well, maybe if it wasn't the middle of the night I would!" Malak snapped. He sighed. "Look, just… just go back to your own room, and we'll talk about it in the morning."_

_Liana grinned, leaned over and gave Malak a hug. "Thanks," she whispered. She kissed his cheek. "See you at morning meal."_

"_You're gonna be the death of me yet, Suul. You know that, right?"_

_Liana giggled. "Promises, promises."_

Revan felt sick.

"Well done, Revan," Malak said. Revan blinked and looked up at her former friend… her former lover. His mechanical voice sent chills down her spine. "I was certain the defenses of the Star Forge would destroy you, but I see there is more of your old self in you than I expected." His brow furrowed. "You are stronger than I thought, stronger than you ever were during your reign as the Dark Lord. I did not think that was possible."

Revan didn't know what to say. "The light side is stronger than you realize," she said, holding her lightsabers tight.

Revan felt Malak's doubt. "I am tempted to try and capture you alive, Revan," he said. "Then I could break your will and bind you as my apprentice, as I did Bastila."

"_But Revan—"_

"_Quiet!" she snapped. "I am stronger than you. I will always be stronger! You have a lot to learn, Malak."_

"_Revan, I—"_

"_Master!" she scolded. "You will address me as Master until I state otherwise!"_

"You would be a far greater asset to me than even Bastila and her Battle Meditation, if I could control you. But is it even worth the risk?" Malak asked. Then he snorted. "Perhaps you are too powerful to be my apprentice. I betrayed you when I realized my own strength was greater than yours. In time, you might try to do the same to me."

"No," Revan whispered. "No, I'll never serve the darkness again. There was too much pain. We destroyed too many lives." She shook her head. "We were stupid to even try. Don't you see? This isn't us. This isn't who we used to be."

"Foolish words," Malak spat. "The darkness and the light wage a constant war within you. The balance is tipped one way now, but it can easily be tipped back."

"Malak, don't do this," she whispered.

He ignored her. "Savior, conqueror, hero, villain. You are all things, Revan… and yet you are nothing. In the end you belong to neither the light nor the darkness. You will forever stand alone."

"I believe now in the power of redemption, Malak," Revan said. _My friends have taught me that… _

"Of course," Malak said. "What else do you have left? Fate and destiny have kept you alive despite my best efforts. They've thrust you into the role of savior."

Revan didn't know what to say.

"We have been inexorably pushed to this final confrontation, Revan," he continued. "I see now that this can only be settled when one of us destroys the other."

_Or we destroy ourselves_, Revan thought.

"Once again we shall face each other in single combat, and the victor will decide the fate of the galaxy!"

Malak drew his lightsaber.

The battle between Master and Apprentice had begun.

* * *

_Most of Malak's dialogue copyright 2003 LucasArts and BioWare. The rest? Copyright moi..._


	31. Final Moments

**Chapter Thirty-One: Final Moments

* * *

**

_He's going to kill me._

That was the only thought that entered Revan's mind as she frantically dodged and blocked Malak's attacks. Malak was stronger than she was, either due to the Star Forge or his control of the Dark Side. Revan tried to call on the Force to help her, but Malak blocked every attack. Revan felt helpless. The Force hadn't abandoned her; it just wasn't working against her former friend.

Revan found herself floating in the air, unable to move. She flew backwards, hit her head on a computer panel, and groaned as she fell to the ground.

The Force was serving Malak just fine.

"Master Zhar re-trained you on Dantooine, didn't he?" Malak asked. Revan said nothing. "I recognize your battle moves. You may not remember, Revan, but he trained us both before." He twirled his lightsaber in his hands. "Then you trained me."

Malak threw his lightsaber at her. Revan caught the motion out of the corner of her eye, and managed to duck and roll away, just missing it. Malak's blade cut through the computer panel, causing a bright flash as severed circuits sparked, hissed, and cracked. The flash was just enough of a distraction for Revan to leap to the upper level of the bridge. She hid behind a large computer, trying to catch her breath and gather her thoughts. She'd done nothing but block and defend. Revan couldn't kill him.

"You can't win, Revan!" Malak's mechanical voice cried.

She felt him approaching. A shiver ran down her spine. _I can't fight him_, she thought. _We were friends. I can't do this. I can't kill him anymore than I could kill Mission or Jolee… or Carth._

"I grow tired of these games, Revan," Malak sneered.

Revan closed her eyes and tried to calm down. _I wish he'd stop saying my name like it was some kind of disease_. Then she thought, _I suppose to some people it is._

"Shall we dance like this forever?" Malak asked. She could hear the hum of his lightsaber. He was standing at the foot of the platform, no doubt. He knew exactly where she was.

_And exactly what I'm thinking,_ she said to herself.

Revan tried to clear her mind of all doubt. If she and Malak were as close as she thought they were, her doubt and fear would be used to his advantage. It was bad enough she wouldn't fight him. She had sliced through Dark Jedi left and right, not once thinking she shouldn't. Sith soldiers, Dark Jedi… they had been nothing. Revan had trained all year to face Malak, to strike him down, to bring an end to the reign of the Sith.

_No, Liana trained for a year. Not me._

Revan winced and told herself to concentrate. Revan, Liana, names didn't matter. _She_ trained for a year to face Malak. _She_ was the only one who could face him. _She_ had to do this. _Pull yourself together, _she told herself. _Fear leads to the dark side. You don't want to do that again. Look at how many lives you destroyed, and how many people you killed. Look at what you did to Malak. Look at what he's become. _

Revan opened her eyes and looked out the bridge window. She watched the battle outside the Star Forge, the Republic and Sith ships firing upon each other.

_I started this four years ago._

Revan gripped her lightsabers.

_I need to end this now. Force, give me strength._

Revan came out of hiding, gathered her strength, and used the Force to send a wave of energy at Malak. The Sith Lord was caught off guard and flew backwards. Malak let out a gasp of pain as he hit the metal floor with a loud thud.

Revan wasted no time. She ran down the ramp as fast as she could, leapt into the air, ready to attack. Malak quickly raised his lightsaber and blocked her attack, using his one blade to stop her two. He pressed hard on her blades, threatening to overpower her, and managed to regain his footing.

Malak laughed in her face.

Revan flew backwards, hitting her head hard on the ramp. She let out a cry of pain.

_Get up,_ she yelled at herself. _Get up!_

Malak ran toward her. She rolled out of the way, then quickly stood, walking ever-so-carefully backwards. Malak turned to face her, his grip on his lightsaber tightening.

Revan's Dantooine training wasn't going to work. Malak knew the same moves, the same steps. No wonder they were going around in circles. She needed to abandon her training if she was going to defeat him.

Canderous. Canderous taught her some Mandalorian fighting techniques. They spent an entire day in the cargo hold fighting with vibroblades, long swords, and quarterstaffs while Mission and Zaalbar watched.

_Just don't forget to keep your right side guarded_, Canderous had warned her. _Then you'll do fine._

But were Canderous's teachings going to work now?

_Like I have a choice?_

Revan didn't have time to decide. Malak ran towards her. Her two blue and purple lightsabers crashed against his red one. Revan heard Canderous's voice in the back of her mind coaching her through the steps.

_Your arms are occupied, but your legs are free._

Revan pushed against Malak's blade, then kicked his knee hard. Malak stumbled, and Revan used the Force to push him backwards. Revan didn't give Malak time to recover. She charged after him, raising her blades to attack. Malak barely had enough time to stand up and defend himself. Revan swung and clashed her blades against Malak's lightsaber, one strike after another, her blades moving in a blur of purple and blue. When she could sense Malak's desperateness and confusion, that he could no longer read her movements, she kicked him hard, knocking him backwards.

"They didn't teach us _that_ on Dantooine," Revan spat.

Before Malak could say anything else, Revan attacked again. Malak ducked and rolled, then got to his feet and raised his lightsaber. He didn't say anything to her. He charged forward. Revan didn't have time to plan an attack, he was running so fast. She brought her lightsabers up and stood in a defensive stance, ready to block anything he threw at her.

His blade clashed against her left-handed saber, her blocking saber. Malak leaned in, their faces inches apart. Their eyes met.

"You're growing tired, Revan," Malak said. "I can feel it. Exhaustion's setting in."

Revan mentally cursed at Malak. He was right. Her last attack drained her. She'd thrown too much energy into it. The strength in her arm was starting to falter. She was losing…

Canderous's voice suddenly rang through Revan's mind.

_Always think about what's free._

Revan held her other lightsaber tight. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Malak's eyes narrowed.

Revan plunged her lightsaber into Malak's chest.

The battle was over.

Revan heard Malak's mechanical voice gasp, and watched his eyes grow wide in both shock and pain. His weapon turned off and fell to the ground. He staggered backwards, then fell to his knees, his hand covering the wound left by her lightsaber. She stood there, watching, not sure what to do or what to say. Malak was dying, she could feel it. Her best friend, her former lover… he was dying.

"Impossible," Malak gasped. "I cannot be beaten. I am the Dark Lord of the Sith."

Revan started to tremble. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She didn't know what else to say. "This is… the way of the dark side."

"Still spouting the wisdom of the Jedi, I see," Malak coughed. He looked down at the floor of the bridge. "Maybe there is more truth in their code than I ever believed."

_Truth in the code_, Revan thought. She abandoned her Jedi fighting techniques and defeated him with Mandalorian ones. Her mentor considered himself a non-Jedi with Force powers. She'd fallen deeply in love with a Republic Officer. So much for truth in the Jedi code.

Malak looked up at her. "I cannot help but wonder, Revan." Their eyes met. "What would have happened had our positions been reversed? What if fate decreed that I would be captured by the Jedi? Could I have returned to the light as you did?" Malak coughed and winced as he held his wound. "If you had not led me down the dark path in the first place, what destiny would I have found?"

Revan's eyes filled with tears. "No," she said. "No, you can't blame me. You were right when you told me we were meddling in things we didn't understand. But we started this together. And when I wanted to stop, you told me to keep going. You can't blame me anymore than I can blame you. We chose our own paths."

"I manipulated you," Malak admitted.

"I know," Revan whispered. "And I let you."

Malak coughed and fell forward, supporting his weight on his one arm. "I suppose you speak the truth," Malak said. "I alone must accept responsibility for my fate. I wanted to be Master of the Sith and ruler of the galaxy. But that destiny was not mine, Revan. It might have been yours… but never mine.

"And in the end, as the darkness takes me… I am nothing."

"Malak," Revan whispered. "I'm…"

Malak collapsed.

The ruler of the Sith was dead.

"_Liana, are you always going to be my friend?" Malak asked._

"_Like forever and ever?" Liana asked. The young boy nodded. "I guess, yeah. If you don't annoy me too much."_

"_I mean it!" Malak said. "I… I've never had a friend before."_

"_Duh!" Liana said. "Course I'll be your friend. Who else would put up with me?"_

_Malak smiled. "Astral."_

Revan fell to her knees. She felt empty and hollow.

She had prepared herself for death—but for _her_ death, not Malak's. Revan had convinced herself she was going to die on the Star Forge, die fighting Malak and saving the galaxy from the ruling Sith. She looked at Malak's body, her lower lip trembling. Slowly she walked over, knelt down, and gently brushed her hand against his brow. Tears trickled down her face, and she didn't wipe them away. Instead she leaned forward and kissed the top of his head.

"I love you, Malak," Revan whispered. "You'll always be my friend, for ever and ever."

Malak didn't reply.

Republic ships had broken through the Sith blockade and were attacking the Star Forge directly. The space station rocked as Republic ships fired. Revan could feel the tremors and vibrations as the Star Forge threatened to blow up at any moment. She needed to move, to run, to get to safety. But she didn't move.

Revan felt faint. Her head was spinning. She could feel her heart pounding away, her blood pressure no doubt off the charts. She closed her eyes and collapsed next to Malak, letting exhaustion get the better of her.

As she lay there, slowly falling into an exhausted slumber, she thought about the last time she collapsed. Canderous had caught her and carried her back to the Ebon Hawk, and she had woken up hours later asking for Carth. Then everything had changed…

The space station was breaking and collapsing under the firepower of the Republic ships. As the Star Forge cried out in pain, Revan thought about how much she loved Carth, how she longed to be lying in the safety of his arms. She loved him with all her heart, and she was going to miss him.

* * *

_Thanks so much to _X-Men: The Last Stand_ soundtrack for being in such wonderful minor keys._


	32. Escape

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Escape

* * *

**

"Feed in, camera two… Why the hell isn't this working?" Jolee grumbled. "Blasted computers."

Carth had been nervously pacing the Star Forge's control room when Jolee started complaining. He'd been thinking about Revan, about his promise to protect her. He was ready to follow her, to do whatever he had to. And she had just walked away from him. Revan had told him there was a possibility she'd die here, then tried turning that possibility into a valid option. He'd seen the way she'd reacted when they had first seen the Star Forge. Her pale face, her stoic stance… Carth had thought things had gotten better after that evening on the beach, when he finally told her he loved her. She looked so happy on the beach, her eyes twinkling as she smiled. Then the Star Forge called out to her, making her crazy. She couldn't control the voice, couldn't stop crying. And all Carth could do was watch.

Jolee kicked the computer consol. "Universe revolves around technology… blasted stuff doesn't work half the time." He gestured over towards Bastila. "Course, she has to be busy meditating. Can't be bothered to help an old man try and figure this piece of junk out." He looked at Carth. "Just what the hell is 'Battle Meditation,' anyway?" He didn't wait for an answer and turned his attention back to the computer. "Damn thing."

"What are you trying to do?" Carth asked.

"Trying," Jolee said, "to get the security feed to show up. Just what button did you press last time?"

"Uh… whatever was flashing," Carth said. "I don't… remember what button it was… It was flashing…"

Jolee grumbled. "Damn kids and shiny objects."

"What security feed are you trying to get?" Carth asked.

Jolee looked at Carth, dumbfounded. "What, I'm the only one who's the slightest bit interested in watching the only battle of this war that makes a lick of difference?"

Carth's eyes grew wide. "Revan and Malak?"

Jolee snorted and turned back to the computer. "No, Mission and Zaalbar fighting over the last dessert pop."

Revan and Malak. The final confrontation. A moment in history. And Carth could watch it. Revan was stronger than Malak. She'd easily defeat him, no contest. If she'd only believe it instead of thinking she'd die. Carth could watch her, support her from the sidelines. He could still…

_No, what's the point_, he thought. Carth closed his eyes and leaned against the computer consol. He didn't want to watch her die, to watch her fall on her lightsaber because she was afraid of the future. And even if she did survive, the Jedi Council would never let them be together. Jedi weren't supposed to love. She'd be locked up inside the Jedi Temple all day. He'd never see her. So much for promising to spend the future with her, to love her, to protect her from whatever the galaxy threw her way. Carth pinched the bridge of his nose. That was twice he'd failed to follow through on a promise.

"Kids these days," Jolee muttered. "Think they know everything about promises and love."

Carth blinked and looked at him. "I didn't say—"

"You don't have to," Jolee said, still studying the computer keyboard. "I can sense your emotions, remember? Your angst is so thick I can cut it with a Wookiee dull-bladed knife."

Carth stared at his feet. "I don't want to lose her, Jolee."

"She isn't going to die," Jolee said. "'Least not here and now, anyway. Everything dies when it's their time. Trust me, son, this isn't her time."

"You sound so sure of that," Carth sighed. "Even… even if she does survive—if any of us survive… Do you really think the Jedi Council will let us be together? What we're doing, what we've done… it's forbidden. They don't believe in love, and they'll do anything to keep us apart if they find out. I don't want her to get hurt because of me. I—"

"That's where the Jedi Council is wrong," Jolee interrupted. "They go around, passing rules, tellin' them all to follow the code, shootin' you if you question. Controlling your passions while being in love is what they should teach Jedi to beware of. But you know the Jedi. Easier to just forbid love than teach the balance." Jolee shook his head. "Love will save someone, not condemn them."

"Tell that to Revan."

"She knows it," Jolee said, pressing a few buttons on the keyboard. "She's just got it in her head that she doesn't deserve it. That's the problem. Once you get past that? She's just like every other hot-blooded woman out there, which I'm sure you're already more than familiar with—Hey, think I got it!"

"Got what?" Carth asked.

Jolee looked at him. "You really are thick, aren't you?" When Carth still looked confused, Jolee tapped the computer monitor with his index finger.

_Revan!_ Carth stood up and pushed Jolee out of the way. Jolee protested with a surprised, "Hey!" then grumbled and looked over the pilot's shoulder.

Carth watched as Revan charged after Malak. "C'mon, Beautiful," he whispered. His eyes were fixated on the computer screen, watching every movement she made, every detail of the duel. He didn't want to miss anything. The bright lights of the lightsabers on the screen made Carth wince. He kept his eye on Revan, her natural talent continuing to amaze him. Watching her fight was like watching a dance. The twirl of the lightsabers, the graceful footwork… Carth had never seen anything like it.

"Carth, the second she takes Malak out, we've got to get out of here," Jolee said.

"I know, I know," Carth said, still watching.

"Look at the battle screen for just a second," Jolee said. "The Republic's broken through. They'll blow this station up whether we're on board—"

"I know, old man!" Carth snapped. He heard Jolee mutter something, but ignored it.

Carth's palms were flat against the sides of the computer monitor, his heart beating rapidly. Revan's lightsabers crashed against Malak's. _The Jedi could use more fighters like her,_ Carth thought. "C'mon, Beautiful," he said. "Come on. Get him. You can do it!"

The Star Forge started to shake and rumble. Carth paid no attention, his eyes fixated on watching Revan and Malak battle.

Revan kicked Malak, and he flew backwards. Carth cheered. "You're doin' great, Rev!"

Malak got up and charged after Revan. Carth winced as she brought her lightsaber up, blocking Malak's attack. From the camera's angle, all Carth could see was Malak's back. He couldn't see Revan, just the glow of her blue lightsaber pressing hard against Malak's red saber. "Come on," he whispered. "Kick his ass, Beautiful. End this."

Revan's purple lightsaber pierced Malak's back.

Carth's jaw dropped as he watched Malak stagger backwards and fall to the floor.

"She did it," Carth whispered. "She… she did it." His heart filled with pride. "She did it!"

The Star Forge shook. "No time for celebration just yet!" Jolee said. "Come on! We've got to get her before this place blows up!"

Carth turned and looked at the older Jedi. "Jolee, she—"

"Kicked his ass, I know!" Jolee said, turning to run towards the Star Forge bridge. "Bastila, let's go!" he cried. "You, too!"

Bastila opened her eyes and stood up. "Come on, Carth," she said, chasing after Jolee.

Carth turned back to take one last look at the computer monitor. "I'm proud of you, Beautiful," he whispered.

"Let's go!" Jolee cried. "Tell her you're proud of her in person!"

Carth turned away and ran after Jolee.

He didn't see Revan collapse.

* * *

The door leading to the Star Forge's bridge was closed. Carth was shaking as he reached for the lock. She'd won. She'd beat him. 

No, they weren't in the clear yet. Once they were off the Star Forge, then they could celebrate. The entire crew, just the two of them, he didn't care. But until they got off the Star Forge—

The door wouldn't open. Carth jiggled the handle, then tried again. "It's jammed," he said. "No!" He tried the handle a third time. He needed to get to Revan. "Blast it!"

"Move!" Jolee yelled. Carth stepped aside without hesitating. Jolee reached up, grabbed hold of the lock, and closed his eyes. "When this door opens, Carth, you run in there and get her!"

_He needs to tell me?_ Carth thought, but instead replied with, "Okay."

Jolee took a deep breath and pulled on the lock handle. The door clicked, the lock having disengaged. "Force comes in handy every now and then."

Carth didn't say anything, not even asking how Jolee managed to open the door. He took off like a fighter out of a hanger, running full-speed into the bridge. "Revan!" he called out. He looked around the bridge as he ran, then gasped.

Malak's body lay motionless on the floor.

Then he saw Revan's body laying next to Malak's. Carth's heart leapt to his throat. _Don't let her be dead. Force, don't let her be dead._

The Star Forge began to shake more. Carth glanced at the large bridge window and saw the Republic warships coming in closer and closer, their main cannons firing directly upon the silver Rakatan factory.

Carth reached Revan's side. He knelt down and gathered her in his arms. "Revan?" he said, his hand on her cheek. She felt cold. "Revan, Beautiful, talk to me! Come on, Rev, say something!"

Two computers at the far end of the room exploded, sparks flying everywhere. The Republic ships were focusing their fire power closer to the bridge than they had been.

"Carth, we've got to get out of here, now!" Jolee yelled.

If Revan was dead, he didn't want to leave. There would be no reason to.

"Carth, let's go!"

"Come on, Beautiful," Carth pleaded. "Say something, please!"

"Oh for the love of the FORCE!" Jolee screamed. Carth turned and saw Jolee running full force their way. The older Jedi stopped as he reached them, then bent over and scooped up Revan's lightsabers. "Let's go, NOW!"

"There's a back elevator this way!" Carth heard Bastila shout. "We don't have much time!"

Carth stood up, Revan in his arms. He saw Jolee and Bastila running toward the two computers that had exploded. Carth took one last look at Malak's fallen body, the wound Revan's lightsaber had caused, then ran after Bastila and Jolee.

* * *

"Mission!" Canderous yelled. "Get the frack inside the Hawk!" 

"We ain't leavin' without them!" Mission yelled back.

"Did I say we were?" Canderous snapped. "This frackin' place is comin' down all around us! It's safer inside!"

"You ain't my father!"

"Damn good thing, too! Otherwise that mouth of yours would've been smacked off six months ago!"

A piece of the landing dock's ceiling came crashing down, missing Mission by only a few feet. The teenager screamed, then ran up the Ebon Hawk's steps. Canderous spit as he backed up and stood at the base of the Ebon Hawk's ramp. He looked at HK-47. "Damn kids!"

"Query: Should I kill her, Mandalorian meatbag?"

Canderous spit again and didn't answer the droid.

The Sith and Dark Jedi had finally stopped invading the landing dock. Canderous didn't know why, nor did he care. Even though they hadn't seen a single Sith in what seemed hours, the team remained outside, ready just in case. But when the Star Forge started falling apart, Canderous ordered everyone inside while he and HK stood guard. Juhani and Zaalbar were the first up the ramp. It was Mission who was being stubborn. Or had ideas of being a hero, Canderous wasn't sure. "Damn kids," he muttered again.

At the far end of the landing dock, Canderous saw the elevator door open. "Great," he muttered. "Perfect time for more Sith." He aimed his rifle at the door, and was just about to tell HK-47 to get ready when he saw Jolee emerge from the lift, followed by Carth carrying… Revan? And was that Bastila, too?

"T3!" Canderous yelled. "Fire up the engines! NOW!"

A moment later Canderous heard the familiar drone of the Ebon Hawk's engines. Canderous handed his rifle to HK, then ran towards Carth. "Give her to me!" he said. "And get the frack inside the cockpit!"

Carth didn't argue. When Revan was safely in Canderous's arms, Carth ran up the Hawk's ramp.

"Everything okay while we were gone?" Jolee asked as he ran up the ramp.

"No time for small talk, old man," Canderous said, running right behind him. He reached the top, then turned and saw Bastila and HK behind him. Canderous elbowed the ramp control, and the walkway rose. "We're all on board!" he yelled. "Punch it, Carth!" Canderous looked at Bastila. "Welcome back, Princess."

Bastila said nothing.

Canderous quickly made his way to Revan's quarters. He felt the ship rock as Carth flew the Hawk off the station, obviously trying to avoid falling debris. Something bumped the ship, though, and Canderous was pushed against the wall. He turned last-second and landed against his back, his main concern protecting Revan. He heard a high-pitched whistle, then saw T3-M4 fly down the hall. The impact of whatever hit the Hawk was enough to knock the trash compactor around, apparently. _Whatever_, Canderous thought. The droid could be repaired. Revan couldn't. Canderous continued down the hall.

It wasn't until Canderous reached Revan's quarters that he realized Bastila was right behind him. He didn't say anything as he lay Revan down on her bed, making sure her head was pillowed. He sat down on Revan's mattress and placed a hand on her stomach, the other on the upper ledge where the wall and bed alcove ceiling met. The Ebon Hawk continued to shake and rock, and Canderous didn't want Revan flying out of her bed.

Bastila sat down on her old bed and braced herself similarly to Canderous. "Welcome back, Princess," he said again. "And just so you know, you might want to move in with Juhani and Mission down the hall."

"I'm not back five minutes and already you're telling me what to do?" Bastila asked.

Canderous shrugged. "Suit yourself. Hope you enjoy listening to Carth and Revan go at it like gizka all night long."

Bastila's jaw fell.

"Republic's one horny son of a kath hound, let me tell you."

"I ask that you stop this at once!" Bastila snapped.

Canderous shrugged.

The Ebon Hawk stopped shaking. "Must have made it past the war ships," Canderous said. "Home free now, Princess."

"I also ask that you stop calling me that!"

"Touchy now, are we?" Canderous smirked. "Poor Bastila. You know, you look so sexy when you're angry."

"Need I remind you that you're old enough to be my father!"

"Always had a thing for younger women."

"And cantina Twi'leks, if memory serves," Bastila said. "Tatooine comes to—"

"What?" Canderous asked. "They were all off findin' the Star Maps. Man has needs, you know." He paused. "You're not jealous, Princess?"

Bastila gasped in shock. "The Force no!"

"You did a nice job covering my ass when Revan asked why we were short credits."

Bastila said nothing.

Canderous grinned.

Something brushed against Canderous's hand. He turned to see Revan's hand resting on top of his. Her eyes opened slightly, a look of puzzlement on her face. "Canderous?" she whispered.

"Welcome back," he said.

"Where… am I?"

"You're on the Ebon Hawk," he answered. "Get some rest."

"Carth…"

"He's fine," Canderous said. "Everyone's okay."

"Carth carried you to safety," Bastila said.

Revan smiled and closed her eyes. "That's my flyboy," she whispered before falling back asleep.

Canderous shook his head. _Republic's one lucky son of a Sith_.

* * *

_Thank you, oh mighty beta-reader, for putting up with my paranoia._


	33. Alive

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Alive**

**

* * *

**Revan awoke with the feeling someone was watching her. She opened her eyes and saw Carth sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her hand, watching her as she had slept. His feelings of love, joy, and pride hit her so hard she considered shutting herself off from the Force. She took a few seconds to recover, then just looked at him as she tried to figure out what was going on. Last thing she remembered was being on the bridge of the Star Forge. Now she was on the Ebon Hawk, and in her room, lying in her bed. 

_Canderous told me that_, she thought, remembering she briefly woke up, then passed out again.

Revan stopped. _Wait a minute… I'm not dead._

"Hey there, Gorgeous," Carth whispered with a smile, reaching over and gently brushing away a stray lock of hair out of her face.

"I'm alive," she whispered.

"Yes," he smiled. Revan could feel his relief.

"I'm alive," she said again.

Carth's brow wrinkled. "Yes…"

"I was supposed to die there."

"No," Carth said. "You thought you were going to, but no one said you were supposed to."

Revan paused. Something didn't feel right, and she wasn't sure what, other than the fact she was still alive. Her eyes wandered as she thought.

"Rev?" Carth asked.

Revan gasped. "The voice," she whispered, realizing the Star Forge wasn't calling to her. "It's… gone." Revan sat up and looked at Carth. "The Star Forge, it's… gone."

"Republic war ships," Carth said. "There's enough scrap metal in orbit to build another fleet."

"I didn't think… I didn't think it'd ever leave," she said.

Carth smiled sadly, then cupped her cheek. She felt his rough, callused thumb gently rub against her cold cheek. "It's over, Beautiful," he said. Revan could feel him trying to comfort her, not knowing if he was helping. "The Star Forge isn't going to hurt you anymore."

_Just the memories of it_, Revan thought.

"You beat it," Carth said. "I'm so proud of you." He was trying so hard. Revan smiled at him. She wasn't even sure if he was helping, but she loved him for trying. "I spoke with Admiral Dodonna," he continued. "The Admiral wants to have a celebration tomorrow on the planet. We're all getting the Cross of Glory for what we did. You, me, Jolee… everyone."

Revan said nothing.

Carth kept talking to break the silence. "We've landed on the planet," he told her. "Admiral Dodonna ordered us to rest until the celebration tomorrow. Everyone's gone outside to relax on the beach."

Revan still said nothing. She continued to think about the fact that the Star Forge wasn't talking to her. The overpowering temptation was gone. She thought she was supposed to die on the Star Forge, to end the reign of the Sith. And the longer the Star Forge called to her, tempted her, the more she thought that the only way to silence it was to die. But now… everything was different. Revan had survived. She hadn't planned on living past the Star Forge.

"I watched you battle Malak," Carth said. "You were wonderful."

Revan'ssmile disappeared._ Malak,_ she thought. _Oh Force… Malak. _Revan hadn't prepared herself for the pain that would come with killing her childhood friend.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Carth quickly said. "I shouldn't've said—"

"It's okay," Revan whispered. He didn't mean to cause her pain, she knew that. He was trying so hard to help her. Revan felt tears forming, and tried to hold them back. "It's okay," she said again. She didn't need to sense his emotions to know he felt like he'd done something wrong. "Hold me," she whispered. Carth put an arm around her, and Revan slid closer to rest her head against his shoulder.

She could feel him searching for something to say. "You going to be all right?" he asked.

"I don't know," she whispered. Revan closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Carth's waist. They sat there in silence for a few minutes, before Revan said, "I didn't plan for this."

"Plan for what?" he asked.

Revan started to cry. "I thought I'd die there. Put an end to Darth Revan—"

"Don't talk like that," Carth said.

"Instead I killed him. I killed my best friend." She paused. "I didn't want to."

Carth frowned. "I don't know what to tell you, Beautiful."

"I should have died—"

"No," Carth said firmly. She felt his hold on her tighten. "There was no need for you to."

She looked up at him. Her bright eyes were red from crying. "Who's going to accept me?" she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"No one's going to believe that Revan was redeemed. You didn't, and you knew me." Tears streamed down her face. "Think about the people that don't know who I am now, the people that are out there in the galaxy who were hurt because of what I did. How many families did I tear apart? How many widows and widowers out there would like five minutes with me and a holo-whip?"

Carth brushed stray strands of hair away from her face. She could see the pain in his face. "First of all, no one but us and the Jedi Council knows the truth. No one knows you used to be Darth Revan. In fact, no one even knows what Darth Revan was except a Sith. There're so many rumors floating around about what Darth Revan was. Some thought you were a man, some thought you were a creature from the Outer Rim… That costume you wore did a good job of both terrifying and confusing people. Even if Holonet news catches wind that Revan's back and a good guy, don't worry about it. You don't have to answer to the galaxy—"

"Yes, I do," she said. She pulled away from him and looked him in the eye. "Carth, don't you get it? I ruled the galaxy. I controlled the Sith fleets. I brought terror to the universe, and I have to answer—"

"Don't you think you already did?"

Revan paused. "What do you mean?"

Carth sighed. "Beautiful, please forgive me. But your mind was damaged when Malak fired on your ship. Instead of letting you die, Bastila saved you. She brought you back to the Jedi Council, who instead of healing you and having you stand trial for your crimes like every other criminal of the Republic, erased the person you were and programmed you with a new identity. They took everything away from you, good and bad, gave you new memories of being a smuggler-for-hire, plopped you on my ship with the back-story that you were on an assignment for the Jedi Council, hoping that somehow your subconscious mind would lead them right to Malak." He cupped her face. "And you discovered the truth under the worst of circumstances, and have been haunted by memories of your true past ever since. Up until last month, the life you knew was a complete and total fabrication. Everything you told me about. Your first pet, your first time flying a ship, your first kiss… Everything was planted by the Jedi Council."

All the blood in Revan's body drained to her feet. All she could think was how right he was.

"What they did to you," Carth continued, shaking his head. "I'd never wish it on anyone, even the worst of criminals. It's, it's unthinkable. They used you like a tool to get what they want. And they had to have known Malak would recognize you. Think what would have happened if you didn't see Malak for the first time on the Leviathan, but when you faced him on the Star Forge. Or the Star Forge itself started calling to you. Dealing with the voice and the fact you were Darth Revan all at once? That would have been horrible."

Revan's heart sunk. "I… I wouldn't've been able to face Malak."

"You would have died," Carth said. "Bastila's battle meditation would have aided the Republic fleet, the Star Forge would have been destroyed, and you along with it."

Revan didn't know what to say. She knew Carth was right. There was nothing more to it. Carth was right. The Jedi Council used her like a tool. Not like a tool, she thought. They used her _as_ a tool. It made her sick. Then again, it's what she—it's what Darth Revan deserved. Darth Revan took away so many innocent lives. It only made sense that hers should be taken away, too.

"Beautiful, I'm sorry," Carth said, wiping away her tears with his thumbs.

"Don't," she whispered. "I'd rather… I'd rather hear it from you than someone else. I just don't know why I didn't put it all together before. I knew they… they used me… Just…" Her voice trailed off as she shook her head.

"You just hadn't thought it all the way through?"

"Maybe because I didn't want to."

Carth wrapped an arm around her, and she fell back into him. He wrapped both arms around her and gave her a tight squeeze. "You wanted to put an end to Darth Revan. As far as I'm concerned, Darth Revan did die on the Star Forge. She's gone. She's never going to hurt anyone again."

_I wish it was that easy_, Revan thought. But again, Carth was right. She could have so easily switched sides. The Star Forge was the ultimate test for her, and she passed. She killed the Sith Lord in the name of the Jedi and the Republic. The reign of the Sith was gone. _For now, at least,_ she thought, remembering one of Jolee's many lectures.

"Just think, though," he said. "From this point forward, nothing's been planned, nothing's been scripted for you to follow. This is where you stop chasing your past and finally get to live your life."

Carth cradled her until she calmed down. He kissed her forehead and told her everything was going to be all right. "I love you, flyboy," she whispered. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, but for what?" he asked.

"For everything."

"I don't know about everything," he said. "I made you a promise I couldn't keep."

Revan frowned and felt slightly panicked. She sensed sorrow and failure in him. "What do you mean?"

Carth gave her a squeeze. "I promised you I'd protect you, and that I'd be there with you when you faced Malak. And… I failed."

"Oh, Carth," Revan said, pulling away slightly. "You didn't fail me. Don't ever think that." She still sensed sorrow and failure from him. "Oh, Carth. Please don't think you did."

"I… I said I'd—"

"You were there with me every step of the way," she said. "You followed me farther and longer than anyone else." Revan bit her lip. "I honestly had my doubts about you following me on the Star Forge," she added. "I didn't think you'd last against the Dark Jedi. That's why I wanted you to stay on the Ebon Hawk. And when you got hit and went down… I didn't want to lose you, flyboy."

"Beautiful, you taught me to love and trust again," he said, resting his hands on her hips. "You're gonna have a hard time getting rid of me now."

Revan smiled. "It's a good thing I tolerate you, then."

"Well, my father always said the key to a successful relationship isn't love, it's mutual tolerance."

"Smart man."

"Tell me about it." They sat there in silence for a few moments before Carth asked. "You gonna be okay?"

"Until my next breakdown," she said. Revan shook her head. "You know, you're the only person who's ever seen me like this. Not even Malak."

"Who's seen you cry?" Carth asked. Revan nodded. "I should feel honored?"

"Not when you put it that way."

Carth smiled. "I'm glad you trust me enough to let your guard down like that."

Revan wasn't sure what to say in response. She felt love and pride emanating from Carth again. She smiled and brushed the stray locks of hair from his brow, then cupped his neck and kissed him. He instantly responded, pulling her close. As she kissed him, all she kept thinking was how she was suddenly happy she hadn't died. _Carth was right_, she thought again. She could finally stop chasing her past. From this point forward, Revan could do what she wanted, not what the Jedi Council wanted her to do.

_The Jedi Council_, she thought. Technically she was still a member of the order, even though her Jedi teachings hadn't fully come in handy during her journey. Oh, they had helped her stay on the light side, but so had her friends. And it was Canderous's lessons that led to Malak's death, not something the Jedi had taught her. And how in the world was she going to explain her relationship with Carth to the Jedi Council?

_It's right to love this man_, she thought. _I don't care what the Jedi Code says. I love him. _

"Everyone's outside, you said, right?" Revan whispered against Carth's lips.

"Yeah."

Revan smiled. "Good." She grabbed the lapels of Carth's jacket and pulled him down on top of her.


	34. Choices

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Choices

* * *

**

Revan stood in front of the refresher mirror brushing her hair when she heard Jolee shout that they were all going to be late.

"It'll take us half an hour to get there! Let's go!" Jolee cried. "We're late as it is!"

"Jolee, we've got plenty of time," Revan heard Bastila say. "It's not as if they'll start the ceremony without us."

"No sense taking chances now!" Jolee replied. "Everyone outside now! Let's go!"

Revan smiled and shook her head. Why the older Jedi was in such a hurry was beyond her. The man had lived alone in the Kashyyyk Shadowlands for years, only spoke with the Wookies. Now he was in a big hurry to get to a joint Republic and Jedi Council award ceremony. Maybe he thought there was going to be free food. Revan smiled to herself at the mental image of Jolee grazing the food buffet, telling soldiers to respect their elders, and taking the last cheese puff.

Revan sighed. She didn't want to go to the awards ceremony. She didn't think the Republic should be handing out medals of honor like the war was over, and everything would be smooth sailing from this point forward. The battle was over, certainly. But not the war. There were still Sith in the galaxy. Destroying the Star Forge didn't automatically mean the Sith would go away. There were still loyal followers of Malak out there. And loyal followers of her, no doubt. Star Forge or not, those Sith would continue to follow what they believed. One of them would step up to Sith Lord eventually, no doubt. As long as the Force existed, there would be followers of the Light and the Dark.

Revan couldn't change the galaxy. She tried years ago, tried to make things better for the entire universe. And she paid the price. She should have left well enough alone, and listened to the Jedi Council, but despite everything that happened to her, everything that happened as a result of her decision to join the Sith, didn't regret her decision. She did what she thought was right, and some good had come from it. Revan was the person she was now because of her decisions. Whether that had to do from the mind wipe, she wasn't sure. Regardless, Revan liked the person she was now. And she planned to stay that person, no matter how hard she had to work for it.

"Mission!" Jolee yelled.

"I'm coming!" the teenager cried. "Geez! Keep your shirt on!"

Revan smiled. She figured she had a few minutes before Jolee realized she wasn't outside with the others. She put her hair brush down and reached for her hair pins.

"Put those down!"

Revan smiled, sensing her flyboy standing in the doorway. "They're hair pins, Carth," she said, picking a few out of their container.

"And they should remain in that case," Carth said. He entered the small refresher and stood behind her, looking at Revan's reflection in the mirror. "I told you last night that I like your hair down."

"But—"

"Back," he said. Revan put the hair pins back in their case. Carth smiled. "Good." He kissed her cheek. "You all ready?"

"Not yet," she said. Revan turned around and planted a quick kiss on his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Now I am."

Carth's hands dropped to her waist, and he pulled her in closer. "You sure?" he asked.

"I dunno," she smiled. "Lemme double-check." She heard heavy footsteps approaching. Assuming it was Jolee coming to yell, Revan kissed Carth again, longer this time, and contemplated closing the refresher door and arriving late to the ceremony.

A deep baritone groan filled the refresher, followed by a curse. Revan and Carth broke their kiss and turned to see Canderous standing at the refresher door. "Look," Canderous sighed, leaning on the doorframe with his forearms. "It's not that I don't mind you two jumpin' each other every chance you get, but I gotta take a dump before we go."

Carth and Revan looked back at each other. So much for their moment together. Revan exited the refresher first, Carth right behind her. As soon as they were out, Canderous entered and locked the door behind him. Carth shook his head and turned to Revan. "Let's go," he said.

Revan sighed. "I… I don't know, Carth. I don't want a medal. I… This is all so stupid. I didn't do this so I could have a piece of metal attached to a ribbon. I just… I don't want it."

Carth turned Revan around so she was facing him. "It's the biggest honor the Republic—"

"Maybe for you," she said. "I mean, you're a solider…" Revan sighed. "At least you have a uniform you can display the medal on. I just…" She shook her head. "As, as stupid as this sounds, I don't want this to be over. A part of me wishes we still had another Star Map to find. I just love all you guys. I love this little crew, living on this ship, traveling from planet to planet. I don't want it to go away."

"We're all sad," Carth said. "As much as we got on each others nerves, we loved living this life to one extent or another. But not everyone's leaving. HK-47 and T3-M4 are your droids. Zaalbar's promised you a life debt, which means Mission'll be right there on his heels. Bastila and Juhani will be going back to the Jedi Temple with you, no doubt." He cupped her cheek. "And then there's me. Don't think for one moment I'm backing out on my promise."

Revan smiled. "I never doubted, flyboy."

"Good," Carth said. "I love you."

"I know."

"Do you know that I love you so much that I—"

Canderous's deep, loud voice cut Carth off in mid-sentence. "You know, the 'fresher door ain't exactly soundproof!"

Carth coughed. "Uh, maybe we should—"

"Either make out or move it!" Canderous added. "Frack, you two. If you were anymore disgustingly sweet, I'd swear Mission's dessert cakes popped to life. Honest to Force."

"Maybe we should go find Jolee," Revan said.

"Good idea," Carth said. Together they headed for the Ebon Hawk's exit.

* * *

The award ceremony was scheduled to take place at the foot of the Rakatan Temple, the same temple where Revan confronted Bastila. With the Star Forge destroyed, the temple was no longer limited to just the Force Sensitive. The Force field had been disengaged, and all the Dark Jedi inside disposed of. As far as everyone not familiar with the temple's original purpose was concerned, it was nothing more than an old ruin. 

As soon as they arrived, Revan felt joy emanating from Jolee. She turned Jolee, then in the direction the older Jedi was looking in. Sure enough, a buffet of food was spread out near the temple's ramp. Jolee rubbed his hands together, grinning. Revan smiled and shook her head.

A Republic soldier greeted Revan and her party, stating that Admiral Forn Dodonna wished for them to meet her on the temple's ramp. Revan gestured for the soldier to lead the way, which he did. They passed by the food table on their way, and Revan caught Jolee snatching a piece of fruit and placed it in his pocket. As they walked up the ramp, Revan saw Admiral Dodonna standing next to Master Vandar. The small, green Jedi Master looked rather happy to see her, no doubt thrilled the gamble to train her paid off.

After handshakes and introductions between the admiral, Master Vandar, and the other Jedi Knights, Admiral Dodonna took center stage and gathered the crowd's attention. Revan looked up at Carth, then stood closer and casually grabbed hold of his hand. She laced his fingers through hers, and she felt him squeeze her hand. It was really stupid to show any type of affection in front of Master Vandar, or any member of the Jedi Council for that matter. But Revan didn't care. If they didn't see her holding his hand, then they certainly could sense her feelings for him.

Revan didn't pay attention to what Admiral Dodonna was saying to the crowd. She could feel Carth's pride as the admiral spoke. It wasn't until Admiral Dodonna turned around and addressed the group directly that Revan started paying attention again.

"You have defeated Malak, destroyed the Star Forge, and broken the spirit of the Sith!" Admiral Dodonna said as Republic soldiers cheered in the background. "For this, I am proud to present you each with the Cross of Glory, the highest honor the Republic can bestow." Admiral Dodonna gestured for Revan to step forward. Revan did so, and the admiral pinned the Cross of Glory on Revan's brown Jedi robe. She moved on down the line, pinning medals on Bastila, Canderous, and the others, moving down to Juhani at the end of the line. "From Coruscant to the farthest reaches of the Outer Rims," she said after Juhani received her medal, "you will be known as the saviors of the Republic!"

The crowd of Republic soldiers and Jedi cheered louder than they had before. Revan felt Carth grab her hand again.

Master Vandar stepped forward. "On behalf of the Jedi Council, defenders of the galaxy and sworn protectors of the Republic, I, too, would like to honor you for your actions." He looked at Revan and smiled. "We Jedi now have another tale to weave into the grand history of our eternal Order—The Redemption of Revan, the prodigal knight."

Revan's heartbeat increased as panic set in. Master Vandar had announced to the entire crowd that Revan was there. She squeezed Carth's hand tight and looked at the crowd. She didn't see anyone reaching for their blasters or thermal detonators, but that didn't mean anything. She felt happiness and joy from the crowd. There was no sign of surprise, hostility, revenge… nothing.

Master Vandar continued talking. "Wherever you go, you will be recognized as the saviors of the galaxy. The heroes of our age. But you must remain ever vigilant," he warned. "For one day you may be called upon yet again to defend the glory of the Republic against the tyranny of the dark side, for this is the destiny of the Jedi."

The crowd erupted with cheers, whistles, and screams. Revan hesitantly smiled as she continued to scan the crowd for any signs of hostility. Her two lightsabers hung at her waist. She could grab them and activate them within seconds if necessary. Why did Master Vandar have to say that? Why?

Bastila's voice rang through Revan's mind. _Master Vandar did not single you out_, Bastila said to her through the bond. _Calm down. There is no need to worry._

_I can't help it_, Revan replied.

Revan was so busy staring at the crowd that she didn't see Admiral Dodonna approach her.

"Congratulations, again, Master Suul," the admiral said, extending her hand to Revan.

Revan looked at Dodonna. Master Suul? Didn't the admiral know who she was? Revan didn't sense any concern from the admiral, or fright. Maybe the admiral truly didn't know she was Revan. Maybe Bastila was right.

Carth nudged her. Revan felt embarrassment and panic coming from him.

"It is 'Master Suul'?" Dodonna asked.

Quickly, Revan smiled and shook the admiral's hand. "Yes, and thank you," she said. "I, I'm sorry. I've… gotten so used to—" _being called Revan_ "—the informalities of my friends."

Revan cringed. _That made no sense at all_, she thought._ Carth is going to kill me for embarrassing him._

The admiral smiled. "I understand. Is there something else you prefer I call you?"

Revan blinked. "Uh… no. No, Master Suul is fine." She paused. "Or… Liana." She felt Carth's surprise in her words. "That's my first name."

Admiral Dodonna smiled. "I see." She looked at Carth. "And congratulations to you, as well, Carth."

Carth nodded. "Thank you, Admiral."

Dodonna nodded back. She turned to Revan. "It was nice to meet you, Master Liana."

"You, as well, Admiral."

After Admiral Dodonna had walked away, Carth placed a hand on Revan's shoulder. "Liana?" he asked.

Revan looked at him. "What was I supposed to say? 'Actually, Admiral, I'm the evil Dark Lord of the Sith who started this whole thing to begin with. You can call me Revan. It's a pleasure to meet you.'"

Carth shook his head. "That's not what—"

"Carth!" Admiral Dodonna called. "I'm sorry, but would you come here a moment? There's someone I'd like for you to meet."

Revan smiled. "Go ahead, hero."

Carth rolled his eyes. "Thanks." He turned and walked toward Dodonna.

The rest of the Ebon Hawk crew was slowly pushed towards the crowd in an attempt to mix and mingle. Revan didn't feel comfortable doing so, and stayed at the top of the ramp with Master Vandar. She watched Mission take instantly to the crowd, Zaalbar on her heels. Jolee stood next to the food table eating and not talking to anyone. Juhani walked around with Canderous, both of them feeling uncomfortable with the attention, Canderous especially. And Bastila had found her way next to Carth, shaking hands with several high-ranking Republic officers. It made sense, Revan thought, since Bastila was hand-picked for the original mission. The Republic knew her and Carth better than any other member of the Ebon Hawk crew. Although it struck her as odd that none of the Jedi Knights accompanying Master Vandar—or even Master Vandar himself—were hovering over Bastila. She had, after all, pledged her loyalty to Malak and had become his apprentice. Maybe with the number of Jedi around, Master Vandar felt it safe to let Bastila mix and mingle. Revan contemplated walking over and joining Carth and Bastila, but decided against it, especially with Master Vandar around. It was bad enough she held Carth's hand. She dare not follow him around, as well.

"What seems to be the trouble, Padawan?" Master Vandar asked. It took Revan a few seconds to realize he was addressing her.

"Nothing, Master," Revan said.

Master Vandar had to have known she was lying. "Why aren't you with your friends?"

"I just… I don't know, Master." Revan looked out at the crowd of soldiers.

Master Vandar nodded. "Walk with me, Padawan," he said. Revan did as asked, and together they started walking down the Rakatan Temple ramp. "When we return to Coruscant, I wish to hear about your journey."

She nodded. "Of course, Master." Revan and Master Vandar reached the end of the ramp. He turned to say something else to her when a Jedi Knight approached them, asking to speak with Master Vander alone. The Jedi Master nodded, then told Revan he'd be right back. Revan nodded and watched Master Vandar and the knight walk away.

She was alone. Revan let out a sigh. _Okay… You can do this_,she told herself. Revan forced herself to walk amongst the crowd, smiling and nodding at Republic soldiers as she walked by. _Smile. Pretend you want to be here._ Where was Carth when she needed him? Revan looked around but didn't see him. She reached out and tried to sense him, trying to find his voice amongst the hundreds of conversations happening. In attempting to look for Carth, Revan overheard the many conversations going on around her.

"—so glad this is over with. Can't wait to get back to my family—"

"—don't think so, pal. Hey, did I ever tell you about—"

"—the blue one. Look at her! It's like she owns the spotlight."

"—are you sure? Which one of them is Revan?"

Revan stopped. She tried to focus in on the last conversation she'd overheard. Two Republic officers were talking about her. She shouldn't eavesdrop, but she wanted to know what they were saying.

"I don't know if one of them is, to be sure. But you heard that green frog-thing," one of the officers said. Revan couldn't see who around her was talking.

"I thought Revan died?" the second officer said. "Didn't Darth Malak kill him?"

"These are the Sith we're talkin' about. Revan could have survived that attack. Jedi Council probably got Revan and hid him. Wouldn't surprise me."

"But what's that 'redemption' stuff that guy was talkin' about? He tryin' to say Revan's back and a good guy now?"

"Lemme tell you, Merkit. If that Sith bastard's still walkin' around… First planet Revan destroyed was my home world. My entire family's dead because of him. What I'd give to break that Sith bastard's neck."

"Hey, man, I hear ya. But he said 'redemption of Revan.' What if Revan's good now?"

"There's no such thing as a Sith turnin' good. I don't care what the frackin' Jedi Council says. Once a Sith, always a Sith. And I ain't the only one who thinks that way. Every survivor from Telos wants to kill Revan for what he and Malak did. Everyone. And don't tell me otherwise! Revan deserves to die for what he did. No exceptions! And if I ever run into that Sith bastard, you know what I'm gonna do?"

Revan's eyes filled with tears. She stopped eavesdropping and headed back for the Rakatan Temple. She should never have listened in. _Carth was wrong_, she thought. _He was wrong. I don't deserve to live. I should have died on the Star Forge. I knew I had to in order to put an end to Revan. Now I know I was right._

Nothing she had held on to since waking up to a Sith attack on the Endar Spire mattered anymore. Everything Carth had said last night, about how there was no need for her to die, about how she had already answered for her crimes, was a lie. Admiral Dodonna said they'd be recognized everywhere they went. Revan would be chasing the ghost of herself every time someone spotted them. She couldn't live like that, even if Carth was at her side.

Revan felt sick. Her stomach twisted and turned. She looked up at the Rakatan Temple. She saw the outdoor walkway where she had faced Bastila. She'd made a decision there, to stay with the Light Side. But apparently that didn't matter to anyone. Revan knew on the other side of the temple was a balcony overlooking a courtyard. She and Malak had been there years ago. That's where she first announced to the Sith Army that Darth Revan would bring peace to the galaxy through fear. The crowd chanted her name, praising her, worshiping her as their leader.

Revan walked up the temple's ramp. She opened the stone door leading into the temple, then turned around and looked at the crowd. She spotted Carth and Bastila, standing and talking with Admiral Dodonna and other high-ranking officials. Her eyes focused on Carth until her tears made her sight blurry.

_I'm going to miss you, flyboy_, she thought._ I'll always love you._

Revan turned and entered the Rakatan Temple, heading for the upper level. She knew what she had to do. She didn't look back.

She also didn't see Canderous following her.

* * *

_Some of Dodonna and Vandar's dialogue copyright 2003 BioWare and LucasArts. Thanks, ocelott, for Revan's witty reply._


	35. Foiled

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Foiled

* * *

**

Canderous had seen Revan sneak away from the impromptu celebration Admiral Dodonna had organized. Neither a fan of the Republic, nor in the mood to answer questions and talk about being a hero to a bunch of Republic soldiers, Canderous followed Revan. He tried to get Carth's attention, but the pilot was still busy talking to Admiral Dodonna. Canderous didn't like the Admiral at all. High Republic brass made him feel uneasy, especially after what happened to his people. All these Republic soldiers celebrating together… the war wasn't over, just the battle.

Canderous spat into the grass, then went after Revan. During the celebration and award ceremony, Revan was almost a ghost. She smiled, bowed, and did everything a Jedi was supposed to do. But she didn't look like she was having a good time, or even all there. Canderous was surprised Carth hadn't noticed or at least said anything.

Revan entered the Rakatan Temple seemingly unaware that Canderous was tailing her. The Mandalorian watched as she headed straight for the upper level of the temple. She was on a mission of some kind, that much was for sure. Canderous waited in the shadows for a few seconds, then followed her. "What the hell's she doin'?" Canderous muttered under his breath. Whatever it was, hopefully it was more entertaining than watching Republics try and have fun…

Canderous reached the top of the upper-level, still lurking in the shadows and watching Revan. If she knew he was there, she didn't make any indication. As far as he knew, Revan was unaware of his presence. He contemplated calling out to her, but didn't. Something wasn't right, and he certainly didn't want to alarm her. Maybe he should have brought Juhani or Zaalbar along just in case…

Revan walked down the long, stone platform of the upper level. Canderous watched her every move, her every step. He was no Jedi, but he knew something wasn't right. The ceremony was something no one wanted, one of those stupid Republic publicity events. But that wasn't enough to make Revan act so… weird, was it? Was she that uncomfortable about being paraded around as the Sith-Lord-gone-good? Vandar hadn't singled her out as Revan, nor was she wearing a sign around her neck. What could the problem be?

Canderous watched the tiny Jedi stroll down the stone sidewalk. She was so silent, not even talking to herself. It was like watching a ghost. Canderous had never stalked someone so quiet, so stealth-like before. If Revan knew he was watching, she gave no indication. Maybe she didn't sense him? How could she not; she was a Jedi. She sensed everything and everyone.

Revan reached the end of the stone platform and stopped. From what Canderous could tell, the stone platform overlooked a sort of courtyard. Maybe this stone platform meant something to Revan—

Could she be following another vision? Carth had said something about the Star Forge calling out to Revan, giving her visions, making her unable to tell where the visions stopped and reality began. Carth said how Revan called him Malak several times when she was experiencing the flashbacks.

Was Revan having another flashback now?

Canderous walked out of the shadows and ever-so-slowly headed towards the former Sith Lord. If she was, in fact, having another flashback, there was no telling what she'd do. He watched Revan step up to what looked to be the very end of the platform. What the hell was she doing? Canderous moved faster than he had been. What flashback was she seeing? When she first announced her reign as Dark Lord of the Sith?

Revan spread her arms. Canderous raised an eyebrow. Greeting her followers? He walked faster.

Revan leaned forward.

Canderous's eyes grew wide. "Phwoar!"

* * *

Bastila gasped and grabbed Carth's shoulder. He turned to her. "What?" 

Bastila's face was white, all the blood drained. She looked at him whispered one word: "Revan."

Carth's eyes grew wide. He turned to Admiral Dodonna and others and politely excused himself. "Lead the way," he said to Bastila. She nodded, grabbed his hand, and rushed towards the Rakatan Temple.

* * *

Canderous didn't have time to think, just act. He ran full-force at Revan, grabbed her waist and pulled her backwards. Her body collided hard with his, the sheer momentum knocking Canderous on his back, Revan falling back with him. 

Canderous lay there on the stone walkway, Revan on top of him. He still held her tight around her waist. He took a few deep breaths and waited for his heart to stop pounding. Everything happened so fast. If he hadn't been following her, if he hadn't decided to walk over to her to see what exactly she was doing—

"Let me go."

"Revan?" Canderous asked.

"Let me go," she whispered, her voice filled with pain.

Canderous snorted. "I don't think so."

"Let me go," Revan whispered again. "Please let me go."

"You tried to jump off the balcony," Canderous said. "I ain't lettin' you go."

"I have to," Revan said. "I have to."

"Uh… no."

Revan started to struggle. Canderous held her tighter. "Let me go!" she cried. "I have to end this!"

Canderous rolled over, pinning Revan between him and the stone walkway. He straddled her hips, pinning her arms above her head. "Over my dead body!"

"Sith spawn!" Revan cried as she struggled.

"Curse all you want," Canderous said, holding her tight.

"Frink!"

"Where'd'ya learn that one?"

"Mandalorian Shavit!"

Canderous chuckled as he shifted positions to hold her. "You're just a walking encyclopedia of insults."

"I could kill you with the Force for holding me like this!"

"So do it," Canderous said. "Break my neck. Boil my blood. Throw me across the platform, and break every bone in my body."

Revan let out a whimper.

Canderous heard heavy footsteps approaching. He looked up and saw Carth and Bastila running towards them, Carth leading the charge. "What in the name of the galaxy are you doing?" Carth yelled.

Canderous sighed. "I never thought I'd say this, but damn am I glad you're here."

"Let me go!" Revan sobbed.

Carth looked at Canderous, then at Revan, then back to Canderous. "What—"

"She tried to jump off the frackin' platform!" Canderous said.

Carth's eyes grew wide. "What?"

"She frackin' tried to jump off the frackin' platform!" Canderous angrily repeated. "If I frackin' wasn't here, she'd be a frackin' splatter on the frackin' ground!"

"Nice," Bastila said. "Next time try to use the expletive as every word in the sentence."

"Listen, Princess, I wouldn't talk if I were you!"

"Just stop!" Carth cried. "Both of you!"

Revan continued to whimper. "Let me go…"

"Did she fight you?" Carth asked, kneeling down. Gently he stroked Revan's hair. "I'm here, Beautiful," he whispered.

"Struggled after she realized she wasn't dead," Canderous said. "You got her?" Carth nodded. Canderous released his hold and stood up. Revan continued to lay there motionless. She made no effort to get up. "She just kept whinin' for me to let her go so she could 'end this'," Canderous continued. "Then she started throwing insults around. That girl's got a mouth on her—"

"She was a Sith Lord," Bastila said.

Canderous crossed his arms and looked at the young Jedi. "What, that supposed to be a news flash?"

Carth helped Revan sit up. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, whispering, "I got you. Everything's going to be okay." Revan said nothing to him. She showed no emotion at all.

"How did you know to follow her?" Bastila asked Canderous.

"She was actin' weird down there," Canderous said. "While you were all cheerin' and slappin' each other on the back, I saw her slip away. Thought maybe she was having another vision. Then she tried to dive off the platform."

"Why didn't you alert one of us?" Bastila asked. "You should have said something—"

Canderous spat on the ground. "Well, if this happens again, I'll be sure to shout, 'Hey gang! I think Revan's gonna off herself!'"

"Could we not talk about this?" Carth snapped. "Bastila, go find Jolee."

"Why—"

"Just do it!"

Bastila closed her eyes and nodded. "As you wish." She turned and walked away.

Carth looked up at Canderous. The Mandalorian saw the love and concern in the Republic pilot's eyes. He also saw hurt and confusion. Carth hadn't a clue what to do next. "Thank you," Carth said.

Canderous nodded. "You want me to hang around in case?" He expected Carth to refuse and request privacy, but instead the pilot nodded, and looked down at the frail Jedi in his arms.

Slowly Canderous wandered over towards the exit of the platform, pretending he was looking for Jolee and Bastila to return. In truth, he was attempting to give Carth and Revan some sort of privacy. He heard Carth whispering to Revan, but didn't pay attention to what he was saying. Canderous did take note that he didn't hear her reply. He glanced back over at Carth and Revan, and saw they hadn't moved, then looked back out the exit.

What would make Revan want to off herself like that? True, she was hell-bent on dying on the Star Forge. But he thought everything was better now. The previous night during dinner, Bastila looked uncomfortable and had turned three shades of red. When Canderous asked her if she was all right, Bastila said Revan was awake, then excused herself from the group to go meditate by herself. And since Bastila and Revan's minds were hooked up thanks to the Force Bond, Canderous figured that once Revan awoke, Carth wasted no time and got right down to business. That had to be why Bastila turned red and insisted that no one go see her.

And now Revan was trying to kill herself. It didn't make any sense.

Canderous heard Jolee and Bastila approaching. When the two Jedi reached the upper level of the temple, Jolee immediately walked over to Carth and Revan. Canderous stood in the doorway with Bastila, watching as Jolee knelt down and gently spoke with Revan. "Think she's going to be all right?" Canderous asked Bastila.

She looked up at him. "Going soft?"

Canderous glared. "Since when is concern from one warrior for another 'going soft'?" he asked. "Besides, she's made her choice. Carth sleeps in her bunk."

"Jealous?"

Canderous crossed his arms. "You know, you certainly got bolder after turning to the Dark Side."

Bastila's cheeks flushed. She coughed, stood up straight, and placed her arms behind her back. "Revan's a bit broken, but she'll be all right."

"'A bit'?" Canderous questioned. "Just 'a bit'?"

"She's extremely vulnerable right now," Bastila said. "She's attempting to comprehend the death of her friend, the consequences of her previous life as a Sith Lord, the fact the Jedi Council deceived her, her forbidden love for and relationship with Carth, and the end of the journey. The slightest thing will send her over the edge."

Canderous snorted. "You can say that again." Bastila shook her head. "So what triggered this reaction out of her?" Canderous asked.

Bastila shook her head. "I don't know."

"I thought the Bond—"

"Searching her mind for memories is an invasion of privacy," Bastila said.

"So me asking you how Republic is in the sack would be out of the question?"

Bastila glared at Canderous.

Canderous nodded. "Thought so."

Bastila sighed. "I only knew she was planning to jump when I felt the tremendous stress of the decision through the Bond. Our fates are linked. When she made the decision to jump and was in the process of doing just that, it felt as if I was falling with her."

"Like when Malak tortured you," Canderous said. Bastila's eyes quickly made contact with his. "Revan could feel it," he explained. "She started screaming like she was the one being tortured. She didn't stop until Malak stopped with you, I guess." He saw Bastila shiver, so dropped the topic. "Come on," Canderous said, looking back at Carth, Jolee, and Revan. "Let's go back downstairs. Give them some privacy."

Bastila shook her head. "I think we should stay close just in case."

"You think Revan's going to try and kill herself again? Carth's holdin' on to her like there's no tomorrow. She ain't goin' anywhere."

"I don't know what's going to happen," Bastila said. "But I'd rather not take any chances. When they get up to leave, then we can go as well."

Canderous leaned against the doorframe. "Whatever. I've got nothing to do, anyway."

Bastila looked up at Canderous. "Thank you for saving her," she said. "If you hadn't followed her, we'd be dealing with a bigger issue right now."

Canderous shrugged. He went back to watching Jolee talk with Revan. Canderous could stand there all night if he had to. And judging from the progress Jolee was making, they'd all be there long into the night.


	36. Broken

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Broken

* * *

**

"Leave me alone!" Revan screamed. "Just… go away!"

The crew of the Ebon Hawk stood and watched as Revan ran up the ramp of the ship. Only Zaalbar spoke, letting out a soft whine as Revan left them.

Jolee had spent the last hour talking to Revan. No one was sure if Jolee had made any progress, least of all Jolee. He'd asked her what compelled her to end her life so drastically, and Revan hadn't said anything in return. Jolee tried to get her to talk, but Revan remained quiet. Carth held her tight the entire time, her forehead pressed up against his chin. He didn't say anything while Jolee was talking, but it was clear to everyone watching just how scared the Republic pilot was. He hadn't a clue what to say to her, if anything. Revan's action had caught him off guard, and all he had felt was helplessness. Just like now.

Carth clenched his fists as Revan ran up the Ebon Hawk's ramp. He wanted to yell at her, but he didn't know why or what to say. When Revan disappeared from sight, Carth closed his eyes. Why was Revan doing this to him? Everything they talked about last night… didn't any of that matter to her? Was it all for show?

Bastila was the first one to speak up. "I'll go keep an eye on her," she said, then headed up the ramp.

"No," Carth said. He opened his eyes and looked at the ramp. "No, I'll do it."

Bastila turned around. "Please forgive me for being so bold to you, Carth, but you and Canderous are the last two people she wishes to see right now."

The last person she wanted to see? The words stabbed at Carth's heart. What had he done to deserve that reaction from Revan?

Bastila looked at Canderous. "Especially you."

Canderous grew defensive. "What did I do?" When Bastila just stared, he nodded. "Oh, right. I saved her from leaping to her death."

Carth scowled. How could Canderous have that kind of attitude towards the situation? Didn't he understand just how serious this was? He looked up at Bastila. "I'm the one she's closest to. I should—"

"No," Bastila firmly said. "I can hear her thoughts, Carth. Please trust me. She's very vulnerable right now—"

"You can say that again," Canderous snorted. He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Bastila paused, then continued. "The slightest word or emotion will set her off. It's best she be alone, and her wishes complied with."

Jolee placed a hand on Carth's shoulder. "Revan just needs time alone." He nodded at Bastila. "Keep an eye on her."

"I still don't get it," Carth muttered.

"I don't, either," Jolee sighed. "But it took a great deal of nerve for her to follow through on the decision. Now she—"

"It's a coward's death," Canderous said as Bastila entered the Hawk. "Revan is the greatest warrior this galaxy knows. She doesn't deserve—"

"I know that," Jolee said. "But it still took a great deal of courage—"

"'Courage'?" Carth protested. "You call that 'courage'?"

Jolee looked Carth in the eye. "I don't agree with what she tried to do, far from it. But I won't condone the fact that it took courage to follow through with it." When Carth said nothing, Jolee turned at looked at the Ebon Hawk. "Now she has to sit and sort through her emotions. And that takes even more courage."

Carth shook his head. "But why does she just want to throw everything away? Why would anyone? There's no reason to! She has—" _me._ Carth paused, then said, "She has all of us. We're here to support her. No one's judged her." Carth stopped. "All right, I did at first. But, but no one now is judging her. I don't—"

"You honestly have no idea why she wants to throw her life away?" Jolee asked.

"Should I?"

Jolee said one word, then everything made sense to Carth. "Telos."

Carth closed his eyes. He saw his home city burning, his wife propped up against a bench, blood pooling around her. He winced at the memory, then opened his eyes and looked at the Ebon Hawk. "That was different," he hoarsely whispered, pain in his voice.

"It's the same thing," Jolee said.

"She didn't lose—"

"She lost everything she knew after the Leviathan," Jolee explained. "Just like you when Telos became a graveyard."

Carth said nothing. The only thing that kept Carth alive after Telos was to seek revenge against Admiral Karath. Now that he was dead, the only thing that kept Carth going was Revan. And the way Revan clung to him, Carth thought he was her reason to live past the Star Forge. Apparently that wasn't the case.

Jolee patted Carth on the shoulder. "Come on," he said softly. "Bastila will keep an eye on her. The rest of us can go sit—"

Canderous interrupted. "So someone explain to me why Bastila's not chained up in some Jedi prison?" The drastic change in conversation had everyone looking at Canderous. "What?" he asked. "It's a valid question. And don't tell me the rest of you aren't thinkin' the same damn thing. Princess goes all dark side, and the Jedi let her mix and mingle with Republic brass."

Jolee looked at the Mandalorian. "This is a happy time for the Republic. They won't do anything to Bastila now. Once we get to Coruscant, things will be different."

"Typical Jedi," Canderous snorted. "They'll probably greet Princess with open arms, too."

_Like we did,_ Carth thought. _Like we did when we found out Liana was Revan._

"The Jedi are forgiving," Juhani spoke up. "If they could see the light within my heart—"

"Yeah, well, you weren't exactly Malak's bitch," Canderous pointed out.

Carth shook his head. Revan was right back on Taris when she described Canderous as a mercenary with a love for colorful metaphors.

"So when we blastin' off this backwater planet?" Canderous asked Carth, changing topics yet again.

"Before we left the party, Admiral Dodonna said she wants us to dock with her ship," Carth said. "She said we're her personal guests for the trip back to Coruscant. We leave when we're ready."

Canderous groaned.

"Well, I say the Admiral can wait," Jolee said. "Give Revan about an hour before we disrupt her surroundings."

Canderous grumbled. "Just what I want to do. Be a guest on a Republic ship."

"Be grateful if they don't assign a security detail to escort you around or accuse you of spying," Carth said.

"Wonderful." Canderous shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'll be over there guarding that rock if you need me," he said, nodding towards the rocks by the shore.

HK-47 cocked his head to the side. "Query: Do you require assistance, Mandalorian meatbag?"

"Sure," Canderous said as he walked. "Those rocks can be pretty hostile if they put their minds to it."

The assassination droid walked behind Canderous. "Clarification: Rocks are naturally-occurring inanimate assemblages of minerals that are normally classified by both mineral and chemical compositions. Rocks are not hostile creatures by nature, but can be used as a weapon if thrown at one's enemy. Conclusion: You are confused, Mandalorian meatbag."

"Hey, you're the one that offered to help guard 'em. And you might wanna lay off the whole 'Mandalorian meatbag' thing once we're on Admiral Dodo's ship."

"Query: How do you propose I address you instead?"

By then Canderous and HK-47 were out of earshot, and their conversation couldn't be heard. Carth snorted at HK's question. "I can think of a few names he can use."

"How about The Man Who Stopped Revan From Jumping?" Jolee asked. Carth said nothing. "Don't forget—"

"I won't, I won't," Carth said. "And he'll probably hold it over my head for the rest of my life." He shook his head. "Think I'll go guard that palm tree in case Canderous's rock attacks. Let me know when you're all ready to leave." He walked off towards the palm tree near the water's shore, leaving Jolee and the others behind.

* * *

Revan collapsed on her bed. She fell face-first on the pillow, then wrapped her arms around it like a stuffed toy. Tears fell down her face as she clutched the pillow tight. She tried to calm down, but Carth's lingering scent on her pillow only caused more pain. She took a few deep breaths, but it didn't help. 

She was ready to jump. She was ready to end her life, to do away with Darth Revan once and for all. But Canderous stopped her. She was furious at him once she realized what was going on, but couldn't bring herself to do anything about it. She could have easily used the Force to release his hold on her, to push him aside and leap anyway. But she couldn't. Canderous's strength was no match for her skills with the Force, but instead she laid facedown on the stone floor, allowing Canderous to prevent her from ending her life. And she didn't know why.

No, she knew why. Death wasn't what she wanted. Darth Revan needed to die for all the pain and chaos she caused. Or at least she thought Darth Revan needed to die… But she herself didn't want to die. Or did she?

Revan was all confused. She wept harder.

_All I do is cry_, she thought. _I'm tired of crying. I'm sick of this! _

Revan rolled over on her side, still holding the pillow like a stuffed toy. 'Messed up' didn't even being to describe how she felt. What had happened back there in the temple? Why did she want to jump? Why did she want to die? Because of the opinion of some random solider she'd most likely never meet again?

Revan closed her eyes, sniffed, and smelled Carth's scent on her pillow again. Back in the temple, she felt his emotions run wild as he held her tight. But the one emotion that rose above the others was betrayal. Carth felt like she had stabbed him in the heart. She could feel him thinking about Telos, about Saul, about everything he had lost…

* * *

_Liana looked around the cantina, trying to make sure no one was staring oddly at them, or eavesdropping. Satisfied no one was interested in a couple of grunts—nor would they be able to hear over the loud music—she turned to Carth. "Is this a good time to ask you more questions?"_

"_I'm all ears, Beautiful," he answered, sipping his drink. _

_Liana blinked. She wasn't sure if Carth was flirting with her or just trying to be friendly. She decided to press her luck, smiled, then laced her fingers together. She rested her elbows on the table, and propped her chin up on her fingers. "I like the sound of that."_

_Carth raised an eyebrow. "Which? The fact that I'm all ears, or the beautiful part?"_

"_The beautiful part," she said. "Though, I'm sure you say that to all the girls."_

_Carth shrugged. "Not really. Just a habit. You have something you'd rather I call you by?"_

_Liana pretended to think. "Well, I've always liked the name 'Gorgeous.' Has a nice ring to it."_

"_I might consider it," Carth chuckled. "But what are you going to call me in exchange?"_

"_Handsome thug?"_

_Carth slowly nodded. "I like the first part of that. I'm a bit more partial to 'The Most Handsome Pilot in the Galaxy.' What do you think?"_

_Liana groaned._

"_Well, then, I guess 'Gorgeous' will have to do until then, won't it?" Carth winked. Liana rolled her eyes. "Kidding aside, I bet you're not about to give up on those questions of yours. Are they really necessary?"_

_Liana leaned back in her chair and sipped her drink. "Smuggler's Code: Learn everything there is to know about your partner unless there's a damn good reason not to."_

"_There's no such thing as a Smuggler's Code."_

_Her eyes twinkled. "How do you know that, Republic?"_

_Carth rolled his eyes. "I've been a Star Pilot with the Republic for years," he said. "I've seen more battles than half the fleet put together. That's all you need to know." Carth downed the rest of his Tarisian Ale, then flagged the waitress for a refill._

"_We're stuck on Taris with no leads on Bastila," she said. "It's you and me against this planet. And seeing that you've already read my records and know everything about me, I'd like to know you better, too. Is that a crime?"_

"_On some planets, yes."_

_Liana sighed and blew air upwards, rustling loose strands of hair from her ponytail. "So I'm stuck on this backwater planet with an inebriated pilot with trust issues. Wonderful."_

"_I'm not drunk," Carth said, taking another glass of ale from the waitress. "This is my…" His voice trailed off._

"_Fifth," Liana said. "This is your fifth glass." Carth tossed some credits at the waitress, who smiled, then walked away. "So much for not drinking on the job," she said, sipping her ale-free beverage. "Maybe now that you're liquored up, we can discuss these trust issues you have?"_

_Carth sighed. "I knew you wouldn't understand where I was coming from. Let me try to explain." He took another gulp of his ale. "You're probably one of the most skilled women I've ever met. You've saved my butt more than once, and I'm lucky you're here to help me, no question. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop watching you or being wary. I'm just not built that way. Period."_

"_Not built that way?" Liana asked. "That sounds like an excuse. Or the ale talking. If memory serves, I haven't done anything to deserve this attitude from you."_

"_You, uh... haven't done anything yet," he said. "But there's no guarantee that you won't do anything in the future. I've been betrayed before by people and I... Well, it won't happen again."_

_Liana's brow furrowed. She sat back in her chair. "So you want some guarantee that I won't betray you? That's what this is all about?" She picked up her glass and took a sip._

"_I don't know that you'll betray me. But there are no guarantees... not for you, not for me. You don't have to take it personally."_

"_Don't have to take it personally?" Liana cried, her eyes wide. "Don't tell me not to take it personally, you hairless Wookiee!"_

"'_Hairless Wookiee'?" Carth blinked. "All right, sister, just... just... just calm down before your head explodes."_

_Liana was furious. "Don't mock me,_ _you ungrateful monkey-lizard! I've got a vibroblade right where I can get at it!"_

"_Is that your idea of an insult?" Carth laughed. "Come on, sister, take your best shot."_

_Liana spat back the only thing she could think of. "Gamorrean pig-man!"_

"_Oh, ouch. I think you hurt my man-feelings with that one," Carth chuckled._

"_Don't patronize me!" Liana snapped, slamming her drink down on the table. The liquid inside sloshed, some of it splashing down on the table. "I'm not the one with the trust issue here! Although I'm slowly starting to develop one."_

_Carth sighed. "Look, all I've been trying to say is that this isn't personal. If you were smart, you wouldn't trust anyone, either... not me, not Bastila, and especially not yourself."_

"_I don't need someone around who doesn't trust me! Whether we like it, we're in this together, pal!"_

"_And I don't need all these questions. What I do need is to try and save the galaxy, if that's even possible!"_

"_Typical, cliché, Republic answer," she grumbled._

"_Why is whether I trust you or anyone so damned important to you? Why... why do you even care?" Carth gulped down the rest of his ale. Liana opened her mouth to spit a retort, but Carth cut her off._ _"We don't have time for this, so can we please just... drop it? For now? Can we pick it up later if you really must, I... I want to get underway."_

"_Now that you have five drinks in your system, the rest of this evening ought to be great," Liana muttered under her breath. She reached into her vest and tossed three credits on the table for a tip. "And don't think I'm nursin' any hangover you get from that stuff," she said, standing up and walking away from the table. "Stupid pilot."_

The Ebon Hawk shook violently. Revan opened her eyes and sat up in bed.

"Good morning." Revan turned to her right and saw Bastila sitting on the bed across from her. "You've been asleep for the past hour," Bastila explained.

Revan rubbed her eyes. "I have?"

"You cried yourself to sleep," Bastila said. "Are you feeling better?"

"Where are we?" Revan asked, ignoring Bastila's question.

"We've just docked with Admiral Dodonna's ship. We're her guests on the trip to Coruscant."

Revan said nothing.

"I'll tell Carth you're awake."

_Carth._ Revan thought of the memory she dreamt about. How far they had come since then. She'd taught him how to trust again, then took it all away with one single action. Revan had betrayed him, just like everyone else. How was she supposed to live with herself now? "Don't tell him," Revan said. Bastila looked at her, confused. "I… I want to be alone." Revan pinched the bridge of her nose. Her eyes pooled with tears. "Just… leave me alone for a while," she whispered.

Bastila stood and nodded. "As you wish."

* * *

_Most of Carth and Revan's dialogue in the flashback scene copyright 2003 LucasArts and Bioware._

_Thank you to whomever it was that suggested I listen to "Broken" by Seether. That song was a huge help in getting over my writer's block and finishing up this chapter._


	37. Tension Rising

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Tension Rising

* * *

**

"But I need this stuff, Zaalbar!" Mission said as she took down the 'Mission's Room' sign from the wall outside of her door. Zaalbar reminded her they were guests on board the admiral's ship, not moving in permanently. "I know that," she said. "But this is my stuff!"

Zaalbar pointed out that Mission left Taris without anything but the clothes on her back and a vibroblade at her side.

"That was different," she told him. "I didn't have stuff then. Now I do. And I'm taking it with me!"

Zaalbar sat down on Mission's bed and grumbled that no one was going to steal anything from the Ebon Hawk while they were away.

"You never know," Mission said, adding three more vibroblades to her footlocker. "We're gonna be here for a while. Where're my other shoes?" She looked around her cramped quarters. "They were here somewhere."

There was a knock at her door. Mission and Zaalbar turned to see Jolee standing in the doorway. "Are you ready to go?" Jolee asked.

"Almost," Mission replied. "I can't find all my stuff."

Jolee raised an eyebrow. "Your stuff?"

"Yeah," Mission said. She got down on her knees and looked underneath the beds, her backside sticking up in the air. "And I can't find everything."

Jolee crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Maybe if you had kept your room clean…"

"You're not gonna go all Carth on me, are you?" Mission sighed. She slid across the floor on her knees, then looked underneath a third bed. "Besides, it's not my fault. The Sith messed everything up when they stole my stuff the first time. Zaalbar, help me look!"

Jolee looked at her over-stuffed footlocker. "Dare I ask how you plan on closing your footlocker, let alone carrying it off the Ebon Hawk?"

"That's what Zaalbar's for."

Zaalbar's eyes widened as he growled that was news to him.

Jolee shook his head. "Mission, you can come back anytime and get your belongings. Why don't you take what you need for now—"

"I need all of it," Mission said, standing back up. She brushed the dust off her slacks. "Revan shoulda trained HK to housekeep. This place is disgusting."

"Kid, we're only gonna be on the admiral's ship for two days at the most," Jolee said.

"Huh?" Mission frowned. "But it took us over a week to get here from Korriban."

Instead of giving her technical, engineering-type answer, diving into mathematical equations about bigger engines and more power, Jolee simply said, "Yeah, but we're going to Coruscant this time. It's closer."

Mission paused. "Oh."

Zaalbar snorted an 'I told you so.'

"So," Jolee said, "why don't you bring a change of clothes and your bare essentials?" He reached into her footlocker and took out the vibroblades and blasters, piling them on the ground. "For example: These can be left behind."

"But I might need them!" Mission protested.

"This is a Republic vessel, not the Taris Lower City."

"Knowin' our luck, I wanna be ready just in case!"

"Kid, you don't need—"

Zaalbar growled loudly, then suggested a compromise of allowing Mission to keep one blaster. Jolee sighed in agreement, and Mission plucked her favorite from the pile.

Jolee looked around her room. Spotting a small bag in the corner, he walked over, picked it up, then tossed it at Mission. She caught it and held it against her chest. "Fill this up with your bare essentials for the two-day maximum trip, then meet up in the common room. Everyone's ready but you." He headed for the exit.

"But—"

Over his shoulder, Jolee said, "Zaalbar? If she protests? Tie her head-tails together."

"HEY!" Mission cried.

* * *

Bastila walked down the corridor towards the common room. Tension had escalated amongst the group ever since Revan tried to end her life. Carth hadn't spoken to anyone unless absolutely necessary, and even then it was more of a grunt than anything. Canderous had kept to himself, only sharing his concern about traveling on a Republic ship with HK-47. (The assassination droid had offered to kill the various Republic meatbags they'd encounter to help ease the Mandalorian's nerves, but Canderous said that Revan would never approve. Plus they needed the various Republic meatbags to operate the ship. HK-47 sadly agreed.) Bastila had been meditating in her old shared room with Revan. She was concerned for Revan, that Revan was beating herself up for no reason. Bastila understood that Revan felt responsible for all the death and destruction caused by her former self, but that wasn't who she was now. The Force Bond they shared assured Bastila that Revan truly had changed… provided Revan let her in. Ever since Revan had woken up, she'd kept Bastila out, not allowing Bastila to hear her thoughts, feel her emotions, or talk to her through the bond. Bastila could still feel Revan was present through the bond, which told her the bond hadn't been severed. She simply couldn't reach out to her through it. 

_Maybe the Jedi Council should not have programmed her with the memories of a smuggler,_ Bastila thought. _Maybe they should have programmed her to be a Jedi instead. They gave her back her old personality, made her the way she used to be… too emotional, too radical, too susceptible to guilt… and love._

Bastila had done her best to keep Padawan Liana Suul on the straight and narrow, making sure every decision she made was for good. She'd constantly remind Padawan Suul about the Jedi relationship with the Force, about the benefits of doing the right thing, following the code, and the dangers of the Dark Side. Canderous had once told Bastila to stop preaching, but it was the only way Bastila knew to help. She was afraid that if Padawan Suul did not have the constant reminders, that if she was left to her own to figure things out, that Revan would eventually return. True, Bastila wasn't all that sure how and why Liana became Revan all those years ago, but she wasn't about to take any chances. She didn't want Liana to slip and revert to her old Sith ways.

Bastila sighed. _Look who's talking_, she thought. She looked down at her bare hand, at the paleness of her skin. The Dark Side had almost consumed her fully. She'd told Liana how easy it was to slip to the Dark Side, but Bastila truly didn't comprehend just how easy that was until Darth Malak…

She didn't want to think about it. She'd done some horrible things in the name of Darth Malak and the Sith. Not nearly as horrendous and unspeakable as Darth Revan had, but just the taste of darkness was enough to make chills run down her spine.

_If anyone should have jumped, it should have been me for being such a hypocrite,_ Bastila thought. But as long as everyone else was focused on Revan, no one could see the false sense of confidence she was displaying. Truth be told, she was scared as to what the Jedi Council would do to her for slipping. Although she had been a Sith for barely two weeks, she'd done enough damage simply by becoming Malak's apprentice.

She cleared her mind, recited the code twice, then entered the common room. Carth, Canderous, Juhani, and the droids were present, presumably waiting for everyone else to arrive. Carth had radioed Admiral Dodonna that they needed a few extra minutes to get their belongings together before departing the ship. That was close to half an hour ago.

Bastila tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, then sighed. "Carth, I can't get her to come out of her room," she said, sounding exhausted.

Carth looked up at her. "Is she okay?"

Canderous snorted. "She tried to kill herself, and when that didn't work, she locked herself in her room, and now refuses leave it or allow anyone to go see her." He pretended to think. "Yup. She's fine. All normal."

Carth turned to him and glared. "That's not what I meant."

"Well, it was a stupid question," Canderous said.

"No, it wasn't!" Carth snapped. "How do I know if she's okay or not? Excuse me for being concerned!"

"You think you're the only one around here who's concerned?" Canderous snapped. "Don't forget, Republic, I'm the one who caught her before she jumped!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means if it wasn't for me, she'd be dead!"

"You gonna ram it down my throat for the rest of my life?"

"If that's what it takes—"

"All _right_!" Bastila cried. T3-M4 let out an alarmed, whirled cry. Carth and Canderous stopped, then looked at her. "Honestly, I thought you two had grown to behave yourselves since Taris."

"Observation," HK-47 said. "The Republic meatbag and Mandalorian meatbag have, by meatbag definition, been behaving themselves. They have not tried to kill each other since the Republic meatbag attacked the Mandalorian meatbag in the cargo hold and broke his nose."

Bastila looked at Carth. "You broke his nose?"

"Inclination: I do hope the day returns when the Mandalorian meatbag and Republic meatbag go back to hating each other. Such violence is what this HK unit lives for. And it seems that day will soon approach if their manner of behaving keeps up."

Canderous jabbed a thumb at HK. "See, Carth? We're making him happy."

"Good," Carth scowled. "I'll break your nose again so HK can dance with joy."

"Gentlemen, please!" Bastila said.

Juhani grumbled, then looked at Bastila. "They've been like this for the past hour."

Bastila took a deep breath, then said, "Revan just needs more time. If we—"

"More time?" Carth asked. "How much more time does she need?"

"I… I don't know," Bastila admitted. "She's trying to block the bond, and I can't—"

"Block the bond?" Juhani asked. "Is that possible?"

"Yeah," Canderous said. "Thought you two were hooked together for life?"

"The Force works in mysterious ways," Bastila said. "It—"

"Admit it, Princess. You haven't a clue."

Bastila bit her lip, then shook her head. "Revan's very powerful. More than she realizes. She has yet to tap into her full potential, although she's come very close on numerous occasions, fueled mostly by her anger."

"She cleared an entire platform of Dark Jedi and Sith soldiers when you got shot, Carth." Everyone turned to see Jolee enter the room. Jolee looked directly at Carth. "There were easily thirty to forty Sith soldiers and Dark Jedi she sent flying off the platform to their death. One motion was all it took."

Carth said nothing.

"If there's a way to block the Force bond, believe me, Revan would be the first to find it," Bastila said. "The only thing we can do now is respect her wishes and leave her alone. There's nothing else we can do at this point."

"So we're just going to leave her on board while the rest of us are on the admiral's ship?" Juhani asked. "Is that wise?"

"No," Carth said. "I'm not leaving her alone like this." He shook his head, then raked his fingers through his hair. "Why is she doing this? Why won't she let me or you or anyone else help?"

_Because she feels she betrayed you, Carth,_ Bastila thought. _She feels she can't face you after what she tried to do. She's so scared of hurting you._ Bastila bit her lip. "I don't know," she lied. "Only Revan can tell you when she's ready to talk."

"I hate this!" Carth cried. "I hate being left out of the loop!"

Canderous snorted. "Wouldn't be the first time."

Carth's eyes narrowed. "Listen, you piece of—"

"Stop it, you two!" Jolee snapped.

Canderous stood up and glared down at Carth. "You wanna piece of me, is that it?"

Carth jumped to his feet. He stared into Canderous's eyes. The Mandalorian outweighed Carth by a good fifty pounds, but that didn't intimidate the Republic pilot in the least. "You sure you wanna? Last time you wept like a youngling because you didn't get a med pack after I kicked your ass!"

"Pleasing Statement: This is getting good," HK-47 declared.

Canderous stared Carth down. "Oh yeah? Well you had to have a Jedi heal your frackin' broken bones after I was done with you!"

"You didn't see Revan layin' a hand on you, now, did you?"

"WILL THE TWO OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Jolee roared. T3-M4 beeped and whirled. HK-47 let out a displeased sigh. "What the hell has gotten into you two?" Jolee asked Canderous and Carth. "Now sit down, shut up, and stop acting like you're five!"

"All right, Jolee!" Mission called from the hall. She entered the common room, her bag flung over her shoulder and bulging from the sides. Zaalbar was right behind her, a frustrated look on his face. "I packed the bag with all the stuff I could fit in it. And Zaalbar didn't have to tie my headtails together, or nuthin'. Happy?"

Jolee crossed his arms. "Overjoyed." Then he wrinkled his brow. "What's Zaalbar carrying? Is that another bag?"

"That's his stuff," Mission said.

Jolee frowned. "Zaalbar doesn't have any stuff."

"Uh, yes he does," Mission said. "My stuff is in my bag, and his stuff is in his."

Jolee pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whatever. Just… just go sit down over there."

Mission wrinkled her nose at Jolee, then turned to everyone else. "So what's goin' on?" she asked. "Where's Revan?"

"She'll be joining us later," Bastila said.

Mission flopped down on a chair. "How much later? Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine," Jolee said, not wanting to dive into that argument again. "Carth? Why don't you go tell Admiral Dodonna we're ready. Bastila, go tell Revan we're leaving the Ebon Hawk now. See if she's coming with. The rest of you—" he turned to the others in the room "—grab your stuff and let's lower the ramp."

* * *

Bastila reached the door to Revan's quarters. She took a deep breath, then pressed the button opening the door. She poked her head inside and saw that the room was dark. Though the aid of the hall light, she saw Revan curled up in the corner of the room, the blanket from her bed wrapped tightly around her. "Revan?" she asked. "We're getting ready to leave the Ebon Hawk." 

"Go away," Revan whispered, pulling the blanket around her tighter.

"Please come with us," Bastila said.

Revan said nothing.

"Revan, please," Bastila tried. "Everyone's worried about you. Please come."

"No," Revan whispered. "I can't. I have to stay here. Just go away."

Bastila reached out to her through the Force, but couldn't sense Revan's emotions or thoughts. "I can't sense your emotions through the bond," Bastila said. "I can't feel what you're thinking."

Revan looked at Bastila. "I know."

"Please stop blocking me," Bastila said. "Let me in. Let me help you."

"There's nothing you can do," Revan said. "Just go away."

"If you won't let me in, then what about Carth?" Bastila asked. "I know how you feel about…" Bastila searched for something to say. "Revan, he loves you. He wants to help. Let him—"

"I can't face him," Revan said. "You know that."

"Revan—"

"I betrayed his trust," Revan whispered. A tear ran down her cheek. "How can I face him? It's bad enough I had to face Malak after what I did…" Her voice trailed off. "Just go away," she whispered.

"Revan—"

Revan raised her hand and used the Force to push Bastila out of the way. Bastila let out a squeak as she stumbled backwards. Before Bastila could say anything else to Revan, the door slammed shut.

Bastila sighed. "That went rather well."


	38. Heal Over

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: Heal Over

* * *

**

_Carth stood outside the elevator in the Star Forge's hangar__, waiting for Revan to arrive. He knew she was coming; he could feel it. He needed to do this, to make one last attempt at getting through to her. If he couldn't find that part of her that still believed in the good side, the Light Side, then life wasn't worth living anymore._

_The elevator doors opened. Carth saw her standing there, then watched her walk forward. The color had all but drained from her face. She was pale, her eyes dark and cold. He'd give anything to see Revan smile again. What had happened to the woman he loved so much?_

_No, that was still Liana. Somewhere lost inside that small, pale body and dark robes was the woman who showed him compassion and taught him how to love again. He didn't know what to say, how to start the conversation that needed to take place regardless of the outcome. He calmed himself, knowing she could sense easily emotions. Carth wanted her to know he was there to talk to her from his heart, not as some kind of Republic peacekeeping gambit._

_Revan stopped a few feet away from Carth and gave him an icy stare. "So you killed Darth Malak," Carth said, not knowing what else to say to her. "Somehow I always knew you would."_

_Revan's eyes narrowed. "Somehow I'm not surprised you found a way here."_

"_The Republic Fleet picked me up from the planet," he said. "I told them of your betrayal… but I also told them I couldn't abandon you. I had to come. I said I'd find a way to save you from yourself, and I will."_

"_You should have stayed where you ran to." _

_Her tone was cold. Carth felt intimidated by her presence. He'd heard all the stories of Darth Revan's conquests, and being a solider himself, he'd always believed half of them were exaggerated, half of them were true. And knowing Liana for as along as he had, the way he had, he had begun to believe that there was no possible way she could ever ha__ve been that cruel to people. But now, standing in the presence of a Sith Lord—of Liana as a Sith Lord, he was beginning to think those stories weren't overstated. _

"_All you have to do is listen to me," he said, standing his ground as best he could. "That's all I ask."_

_Revan snorted. "And why should I listen to you?"_

Because I love you_, Carth thought. _Because I want to help you._ "Because—"_

_Carth saw Bastila approach. She looked even worse than Revan, if that was possible. Bastila's porcelain doll-like completion was gone, her face a deep grey, veins budging at the sides, and the faint mark of Sith tattoos beginning to form. "Carth," Bastila said. "I knew I sensed your presence. I should have known you would find a way to meddle in this one last time."_

"_Don't interfere, Bastila," Carth said. "This is between me and Revan."_

_Bastila's eyes narrowed. "You are a fool. Revan has already made her choice, and there is no turning back." She turned to Revan. "Don't listen to him, master! Let me strike him down! Seize your victory!"_

_Carth looked directly at Revan. He didn't say anything. With all his heart, he hoped she'd listen. Revan had to listen. He made a promise to her that he'd find a way to save her from herself. And this was the time to make good on that promise._

"_Let him speak," Revan commanded. She looked at Carth. "I want to hear what he has to say."_

_Carth froze. Everything he wanted to say to her… How was he supposed to phrase it? How was he supposed to put into words how he felt? How was he going to save her? He was so determined to rescue her, to make her realize everything she'd done was wrong. But he couldn't find the words. And Revan was waiting…_

Carth opened his eyes. His heart was beating rapidly inside his chest, and he was fairly sure his blood pressure was higher than the grass on the Dantooine plains. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was. He was on the Ebon Hawk, lying on the cold, metal floor outside Revan's quarters. He'd grabbed a pillow and blanket off his old bunk with every intention of laying there until Revan needed him…or he got tired of lying in the darkness. Whichever came first.

Carth rolled over on his side, bringing the blanket with him. It was wrapped tightly around him like a cocoon. The Ebon Hawk was shut down with the exception of minimal electricity. And that was it. Carth contemplated getting up and turning the heat on, but he was too lazy to move.

His thoughts lingered back to the dream he just had. He was on the Star Forge trying to save Darth Revan from herself. He wondered for a moment if Liana really had fallen back to her old ways if he would have pursued her like that, if he would have risked everything to track her down and make one final attempt at saving her from the Dark Side.

_Well, I am lying here while the rest of the crew plays War Hero and sleeps in nice warm beds_, he thought.

Somewhere in that sarcasm was his answer, though. After docking with the Admiral's ship, Carth had quickly greeted Admiral Dodonna and Master Vandar, apologizing for the delay. When Admiral Dodonna inquired about Jedi Suul, Bastila answered by saying she'd be along later. The quizzical look on Master Vandar's face didn't go unnoticed by Carth. The Jedi Master most likely sensed something from Bastila that things weren't on the level. Yet Bastila wasn't exactly lying.

Carth's shoulder started to go numb. He shifted positions and lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. It was dark in the hall, the dim light from the common area lighting some of the shadows. He mindlessly stared at the air vent, counting how many slots were on the grate…well, how many he could see. If he would get up and turn life support on, hot air could be coming out of that. Instead he looked at the screws holding the vent in place. There were four of them, along with the forty-eight visible slots. He then noticed a big shadow next to the vent. It looked like a huge dent. Maybe it was a dent. How long had that been there? Maybe Canderous bumped into it. Could someone's head cause a dent that big? Well, if it was Canderous, then yes.

Carth pulled the blanket up to his chin. If he somehow managed to get Revan to talk to him, to get past this depression and self-abuse she was putting herself through, and to get her to start acting the way she was before the Star Forge, then she owed him big time for this. He gave up a semi-real bed and heated guest quarters to lay in the cold and make sure she wouldn't attempt to find another cliff to jump off of. _No_, he thought. The sarcasm may be helping him think lightly of the grave situation, but Carth knew deep in his heart that no matter where Revan was right now, he'd be there with her, or at the very least, as close to her as he possibly could. Hoth or Tatooine, it didn't matter. He'd be there.

The Ebon Hawk crew had met with Admiral Dodonna and Master Vandar to recount the Star Forge events. The entire time Carth thought of Revan. He didn't want to leave her alone for fear of what she'd do or be tempted to do. Bastila had assured Carth she'd removed all of Revan's lightsabers from her footlocker, locking them safely away. Although somewhat reassuring, Carth knew that a simple locked footlocker wouldn't stop Revan if she was determined enough. After Admiral Dodonna adjourned the meeting, Carth headed back to the Ebon Hawk. Bastila was still unable to sense Revan's feelings or presence through the bond, so she couldn't tell Carth exactly what Revan was thinking. But Revan was alive, Bastila knew that much. There would be too great a disturbance in the Force if Revan was dead, and every Jedi worth their weight would feel it. That much gave Carth hope.

Carth looked over to Revan's door and counted eighty-six visible bolts on the doorframe. How long had he been lying there? Carth didn't wear a watch, and there wasn't anything in the hallway to tell him how much time had passed. He felt his eyelids grow heavy. He wasn't sure if he was exhausted or bored of waiting for her to emerge, then eventually decided it was a combination of the two. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Revan didn't know he was outside, and to some extent he liked it that way. If she did leave her quarters, even to visit the refresher, he could surprise her by being there… He'd always be there for her…

Something hit Carth's leg. He instantly woke up, just in time to see the shadow of someone trip over him. Blaming the cold for his lack of quick reflexes, Carth sat up and watched the person stumble to the ground next to him. "Are you okay?" he asked the darkness.

"What are you doing there?" came the reply.

_Revan_. Carth's heart leapt to his throat. _I'm here waiting for you_, he thought.

Time seemed to stand still. Carth stared into the darkness towards her, forgetting how cold he was. He'd been waiting for her to emerge from her quarters. And there she was.

So now what?

"You locked me out," Carth said. "So I… stayed… here." Carth cringed. _Smooth, Flyboy. Real smooth. _He thought back to what he said in the dream, trying to remember if he said anything to her, but he couldn't remember. Was he a stumbling idiot in the dream, too?

Revan stood up. "I didn't sense you here."

"I've been here a while, Beautiful." She didn't say anything in return, instead heading back towards her room. Carth jumped to his feet and blocked her way. "I don't think so." He could only see her silhouette backlit from the common room light, and saw her right hand rise. He reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Don't," he said. "Please don't push me out of the way. Just… Just listen to me first. Please, hear me out. That's all I ask."

Revan didn't say anything. Carth assumed that was a good thing. The floor was his. Whatever he was going to say, he needed to say it from the heart and fast before Revan changed her mind.

"I love you," he said. "Even now. Even after… after… after all you've done. I love you like I haven't loved anyone or anything since my wife died, and I didn't even think that was possible. Seeing you like this tears me apart. I know you don't want to listen to anyone right now, let alone see anyone, but I believe that there's still some part of you I can reach. There's a part of you that believes in hope… and mercy… and love." He held her small, smooth hand between his rough callused hands, and took a step closer. Softer, he said, "I don't know what changed from the celebration until now, but I can tell you for a fact that I've been down this path before, this path of, of despair and destruction. You have to stop this and let someone help you. If you don't, all you'll have is… is emptiness and darkness. You don't want that, _please_ don't want that. I'm here for you. Will you let me in?"

Silence filled the hall. Carth wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He was still holding Revan's hand. She hadn't taken it back. _Tell me what you're feeling_, Carth thought. _If you can sense what I'm feeling, then you know everything I just said was the truth. Let me help you, Beautiful. I love you._

Carth felt Revan's hand start to tremble. He held her hand firmly, even though he knew he was no match for her mastery of the Force. He wouldn't be able to defend himself if she pushed him backwards, but he could at least brace himself.

It took Carth a few seconds to realize Revan wasn't trembling out of anger. Her whole body was shaking. He saw her knees buckle, and he grabbed her before she fell. Revan let out soft sobs, her body turning limp in arms. Carth knelt down on the ground with her, then cradled her close.

"Let it all out," he whispered, tucking her head under his chin. "Let it all out, Beautiful."

Revan's soft sobs turned into louder cries. She clung to Carth until her cries died back down to whimpers. "This is all wrong," Revan whispered. "All wrong… I was supposed to die."

"No, you weren't," Carth firmly said.

"You didn't hear them," Revan cried. "What they said…"

"What who said?" Carth asked. Revan whimpered, then told him everything she overheard the soldiers at the celebration say. "Wait… So you changed your mind because you heard two idiots talking about something they didn't understand?"

"The one said he was from Telos…"

Carth shook his head. "Listen to me, Beautiful. Those people… their opinions don't matter. They don't know you. They don't know the person that you are. They can't possibly—"

"Everyone feels the same way about me."

"No," Carth said. "Not everyone—"

"I was supposed to die to stop—"

"Darth Revan was supposed to die," Carth said. "And she did. But not Liana Suul. Not you, Beautiful. Not you."

"What's the difference?" Her voice was barely audible. "We're the same person. Nothing's changed."

Carth frowned. "I don't understand," he calmly said. "What do you mean by that?"

"They changed nothing," she said. "I'm the same… I'm her, she's me.

"What are you saying?" he asked.

Revan sniffed. "I… I don't know how—"

"Take your time."

She paused to gather her thoughts, then said, "I had… another flashback before, before I saw Malak," Revan said. "I… I saw us as, as kids… I, I'm me," she said. "I-I was me, I mean."

Carth frowned. "I'm not sure I follow."

Revan sniffed again. "My… my birth name… Liana… Revan… Suul." She looked at him. "The Jedi Council… they didn't change anything. They didn't give me a new identity. They gave me my old one back."

Carth didn't know what to say.

"Everything's the same," she whispered. "They just… erased my Jedi memories… my Sith memories… They didn't change anything… I fell to the Dark Side because of who I am—"

"No," Carth said. "You didn't fall because of who you are. The choices you made lead to your fall, and Malak helped you continue on that path. You didn't do that on your own."

"I wish they had given me a new identity—"

"No, you don't," he said. Carth cupped the side of her head and lazily massaged her temple with his thumb. "You're a good person. Liana was a good person."

"How do you know that?"

"If she wasn't, the Jedi wouldn't've given her back to you," Carth said. "The Jedi Council knew that deep inside Darth Revan was the good person that was Liana Suul. When your mind was damaged, the Jedi Council gave her personality back to you. You were given the opportunity to be yourself again."

"But I was Darth Revan, too," she said. "I—"

"No you weren't," Carth told her. "Malak helped you become Darth Revan. It's you who told me Malak manipulated you, Malak convinced you to go further down the path of the Dark Side."

"I thought I was doing the right thing…"

Carth smiled. "You've always followed your heart. That's the one thing I love about you. You're never afraid to back down from a fight, and never afraid to do what your heart tells you to do."

"Did my heart tell me to kill millions of people and follow the ways of the Sith?"

Carth looked at her. "When you decided to defy the Jedi Council and aid the Republic, did you do as your heart told you?"

"You needed help," Revan whispered. "The Mandalorians—"

"Yes or no."

Revan paused. "Yes," she said. "It was the right thing to do."

"When you and Malak went in search of the Star Maps?"

"I, I didn't know what we were going to find," Revan whispered. "I thought… When we first started… I thought it was right…"

"When you first started?" Carth asked.

"Things… changed," Revan said. "Somewhere along… I started to change my mind. I could feel the darkness. I, I told Malak, but he… he told me to keep going. So I did."

"Why did you listen to him?"

"He was my best friend," she answered. "We did everything together… He wouldn't lie to me… We were friends…" She looked at Carth. "Why would he do that to me? I told him I thought we made a mistake… He made me keep going… And I listened."

"Mistake?"

"The Star Maps," she whispered. "The Darkness… It was changing me. Malak made me keep going. I thought… He kept telling me to go along… I listened. Why did I listen to him?"

"I can't answer that for you, Beautiful," Carth said.

The hall fell silent again, with the exception of Revan's sniffles. Carth took a deep breath. He hated to ask, but he needed to know. "Why 'Revan'?"

She looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"When you entered the Mandalorian Wars, you told everyone your name was Revan," he said. "You just told me your birth name was Liana Revan—"

"Liana Suul, Jedi Knight," Revan said. "When we defied the Jedi Council, I knew… I knew there was no going back. I figured we were rogues…" She softly laughed. "The older I got, the more of the galaxy I saw, the more I began to question what I had been taught. I figured a new chapter of my life was starting as a Rogue Jedi, and I… I was content with that. I was doing what, what I wanted to do. I… I figured Liana Suul was the Jedi Knight. But Revan…" She softly laughed again. "Revan was the Rogue Jedi, the one who did what she wanted." Revan looked at Carth. "Ironic that even then I didn't know who I was."

Carth ran his fingers through her hair. "So who are you now?"

"I don't know," she said. "I… I liked Liana… Me… I liked me before, before I fell. I liked me back when I met you… before everything came crashing down…"

"That's a start," Carth said.

"When Malak told me who I really—what I had been," she said, "I thought going by Revan was the right thing… like a self-punishment. Oh Force, I should never have done that."

"You did what you thought was right."

"I made you all call me—"

"And we did," Carth said.

"My entire life, I've never known who I am," she said. "It's like I've been searching for someone to be. I didn't fit in with the Jedi. I questioned everything they did, everything they believed in. When I was Darth Revan, I did terrible, horrible things. But I never second-guessed myself. I thought I had found my identity, where I really belonged. I thought I was supposed to be her."

"I don't believe that for a second," Carth said. Revan looked at him. "When I told you on Kashyyyk that you're an amazing woman, I wasn't lying. The only person I've ever known with the same amount of self-confidence was my wife. She never hesitated, never backed down from a challenge. And neither do you. You weren't looking for someone to be back then. You knew exactly who you were. None of this started until you faced Malak on the Leviathan."

"Carth—"

"You're still that woman I met on Taris," he said, "the woman who follows her heart and has more courage than anyone else I know."

Revan softly laughed.

"I'm not joking, Beautiful," Carth said. "I don't care what you call yourself: Liana, Revan, I don't care. I fell in love with the woman I met on Taris."

Revan's eyes filled with tears. "I'll try—"

"Beneath that layer of self-punishment and left-over Star Forge… wackiness is that woman," Carth said. "You don't have to try. You already are her."

"I don't want to fall again," she whispered. "I don't…"

"You have to trust yourself," he said. "It's so hard, I know. But you have to trust that you won't fall."

Revan looked at Carth. "That's kinda strange coming from you."

He smiled. "I know. But it's the truth." He kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry for, for everything," Revan whispered. "I should have listened. I should have—"

"Shhh," Carth said. "You're going to be okay."

* * *

_The beginning dialogue copyright 2003 BioWare and Lucasarts._

_This is the third version of this chapter. The first version was so bad, it was decided to throw it out and try again. So I did. Another verison or two later, ta-da! Thanks so much, Jiara, for your suggestions and help. I truly appreciate it. Also, thanks to Meg for pointing out that "Heal Over" by KT Turnstall sounds like a Carth/Revan song. The song helped me finish the later-half of the chapter._


	39. Another Promise

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Another Promise**

* * *

Revan stood in front of her guest room window on Admiral Dodonna's ship, staring out at the stars. The lights in her small room had been turned off, leaving the room dark except for the dim light of the stars. Carth had told her they'd be on Coruscant soon. She wasn't sure if she was looking forward to going there. The journey was coming to an end now. Soon everyone would be going their separate ways, and Revan knew her way was back to the Jedi Temple. After everything she'd been through, especially in the last few weeks, she wasn't sure if the Jedi Temple was where she truly belonged. 

"_Master Zhar, I don't understand," Liana asked. "That doesn't make any sense."_

_Master Zhar turned and looked at his nine year old padawan. "You question—"_

"_I mean no disrespect, Master," Liana said. "But… that just seems dumb." _

"_It is wrong to question the beliefs of the Jedi Order," Zhar said. "Just like it is wrong to doubt in the Force."_

"_I don't doubt the Force," Liana said. "I believe in it totally. I can feel it. I know it exists and can do both wonderful and horrible things. I just don't understand why the Jedi—"_

"_You have a lot to learn, young one," Zhar said. "Clear your mind and meditate what I've taught you before you question your lessons. There will be no more learning today."_

_Crestfallen, Liana said, "Yes, Master Zhar."_

Revan massaged her temples. She'd gotten used to memories appearing out of nowhere, but it still left her a little dizzy every time it happened. As a youngling Revan had done nothing but question everything. And after discovering the truth about herself, she'd gone back to questioning the Jedi Council again.

_Is this how it's going to be from now on?_ Revan thought. _Am I going to continue to question everything I've ever been taught? Maybe I'm just not cut out to be a Jedi. Maybe I should be more like Jolee… a regular person with the Force powers and a lightsaber._ One thing was for certain, though. She couldn't be a Jedi and be with Carth. It was one or the other.

Carth had made a promise to protect her and save her from herself. And he'd done just that. He kept that promise, and Revan knew he'd continue to keep it until the day he died. She'd given him a reason to live again… and oddly enough, he'd given her the same thing. After everything he'd done for her, especially sticking by her through the last few days, Revan now had faith that everything was going to turn out for the better provided he was with her.

Of Ebon Hawk crew, only Carth came back to the ship to see her. He had stayed outside her room, waiting for her to emerge. He hadn't barged in, nor had he hadn't demanded to see her. Carth simply had waited for as long as it took. He bared his sole to her, and she knew it. If he hadn't made an attempt to reach out to her and get her to listen, she'd still be alone crying in her quarters, damning herself for not being dead. Carth was the only one that got her to see some kind of reason. He told her to trust in herself that she wouldn't fall again. Maybe Carth was right. Maybe she needed to learn to listen to her own advice. Darth Revan died years ago, and wasn't coming back.

She heard the door to her quarters open. Light from the hall filtered in, causing her to squint. Then she heard Carth's voice. "Beautiful? You okay?" Revan turned around and saw him standing in the doorway. "You want the lights—"

"Off," she said. "Come here."

Carth closed the door, then walked across the darkened room. He stood behind Revan, wrapping his arms around her waist for a backwards embrace. He rested his head against the side of hers, the stubble of his beard scratching her cheek. "Sure you're okay?"

Revan placed her hands on top of his and said nothing.

Carth said nothing. For a while they stood there looking at the stars. He eventually broke the silence and said, "I told everyone you were off the Ebon Hawk and in your own room."

"So now they can come and find me?"

She felt Carth smile. "They were happy you were feeling better," he said. "They want to see you… eventually."

"Maybe later," Revan said. "I just want to enjoy the quiet for now."

Carth and Revan stood in silence for a few more minutes. The longer they stood in silence, the more she felt nervousness brewing inside of him, followed by doubt. Revan frowned. "What's wrong?" she softly asked.

"Nothing's wrong," he said.

"You can't lie to a Jedi, Onasi." She turned around, breaking the embrace, and looked at him. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Carth hung his head.

Hesitantly, Revan asked, "It's not me, is it?"

He looked at her. "What? No! No, it's…" His voice trailed off. "There's, there's something I want to ask you, before the others come. If they come." Carth took her hands in his. "We're going to be on Coruscant soon, and most likely split up. All of us. You, Bastila, Juhani, and Jolee will be with the Jedi, I'll be with the Republic Navy… Who knows where Canderous will be. I just…" He sighed. "I want to know something."

"So ask," Revan said.

Carth paused for a moment, then said: "After all of this is really over with… The Jedi, the Republic, whatever hero's welcome awaits us…" His eyes met hers. "Will you come to Telos with me?"

Revan looked puzzled. "Telos? But I thought—"

"There's an orbiting space station a lot of Telos's citizens live on," he explained. "Dustil and I agreed to meet on Telos, I know. But Telos's surface is still closed while they rebuild it. Citadel Station is where I'll find Dustil, I just know it. And I want you to come with me when I go to see him."

Revan very carefully asked, "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," he said. He cupped the side of her face. "Beautiful, I can't give you a future with me if we don't do things together." He softly laughed. "It would make things a bit difficult."

"I realize that," Revan said. "But Dustil… this is your son. It's not that I don't want to go, but isn't this something you should do on your own? What's he going to say when Dad shows up with his Jedi lover?"

Carth's face became somber. His hand left her cheek and rested on her shoulder. "The truth is… I don't think I could have faced him on my own on Korriban. And to see him so full of hate… I was so thankful that you were there. Not right away, and I'm sorry I kept interrupting when you were trying to get us to listen. But I know that I couldn't have done it without you, and certainly would have never gotten Dustil to listen." He took her hands in his. "I need you to come with me. I can't do this alone. He's my son, I know." His voice softened. "It's just been so long… Dustil's so different now." Carth's eyes met Revan's. "You got him to turn away from the Dark Side. I know that wouldn't've happened had you not been there. Dustil never would have listened to me. Besides the fact I wouldn't've known where to start in trying to turn him back to the good side. I know he told me in the Sith Academy he was going to turn away. But I also know that the dark side is difficult to turn away from. I look at Bastila and can see that." He paused, then said, "I need you, Beautiful. I need your help."

Revan still was uncertain. "You need me or you need my help?"

"Both," Carth said. "I can't do this alone. I know I haven't seen him in four years, but… He became the very thing I was fighting against. He may have turned away from the Sith, but he's still angry. Dustil's a different person now. I don't know how to handle this situation. That's why I want you to come with me, and help me."

"But there are some things you have to alone," Revan said. "I can come with you and be your moral support, but you are the one who has to make amends with Dustil. Just like I had to face Malak alone. I can't make everything better with Dustil for you, just like you couldn't defeat Malak for me."

"I know."

"Although comparing facing a Sith Lord to facing your own child is a bit unfair."

"You'd be amazed how similar it is, even more difficult."

Revan smiled. "As long as you realize that you have to make amends with Dustil on your own, Flyboy, then I'll come to Telos with you."

Carth's face lit up. "You will?" Revan nodded. She felt great relief from Carth. "Thank you," he said, cupping her face again. "This… This means so much." His hands slid down to her slender shoulders.

"Course, this is all depending if the Jedi Council lets me," she said. "Somehow I have a feeling I'm going to be under surveillance by them for a long time." When she felt Carth's doubt return, Revan added, "But I don't think they can deny a Jedi helping out a Republic War Hero find his Sith-Turned-Good son. They may even think of Dustil as a possible recruit."

"Dustil?" Carth asked. "A Jedi?"

"I don't know, Flyboy," she said. "That's not my call. But he's definitely Force Sensitivel." She smiled. "One step at a time."

Carth nodded. "Thank you," he said again. He pulled her into an embrace. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered. They were silent for a few moments before Revan said, "I should be the one thanking you from keeping me from falling. I don't know how you did it. Especially on the Star Forge… and afterwards. Just these past few weeks…"

Carth gave her a squeeze. "I've been in worse spots."

"_Good to see you up, instead of thrashing around in your sleep. You must have been having one hell of a nightmare. I was wondering if you were ever going to wake up."_

_Liana looked around. She was in a room… an apartment. But where? And who was the man sitting next to her? She was still fully clothed—which was an improvement over the last time she'd waken up disorientated and in a strange place—and a quick glance to her left showed her weapons sitting on a table at arms length. Liana looked at the man, puzzled. Why did he look so familiar?_

"_I'm Carth," the man said, "one of the Republic soldiers from the Endar Spire. I was with you on the escape pod, do you remember?"_

_That did sound familiar. "Carth," she said. "You… You were the officer on the communicator." He helped her find a way off the Endar Spire… "I'm Liana, by the way. Liana Suul."_

"Revan? You went quiet. You okay?"

She blinked. "Sorry. Just thinkin' about the first time we met on Taris." She broke the embrace. "We'll be on Coruscant soon. Maybe we should spend some time with everyone before we're separated?"

He bent his head and kissed her. "Later," he whispered against her lips.

"You didn't do this on Taris."

"And with good reason: You would have killed me."

Revan just smiled.

"_Whatever's happened up until this point, there's going to come a time very soon where you're going to have to make a choice. And there won't be any turning back."_

_Revan looked at Carth, studying his face. "How… How could you possibly help me?"_

_He looked into her eyes. "I want you to make the right choice. I want to give you a reason to."_

"_And if I make the wrong choice?" Her voice was barely above a whisper._

_Carth wiped away another tear from her face. "Well then, I hope I can save you. From yourself."_

"_Carth, I—"_

"_You gave me a future. I want to give you a future, too… with me. I think I could love you, if you give me the chance."_

_Revan's eyes filled with tears. "I… I think I could love you, too."_

Carth kissed her again. Revan returned the kiss, and wrapped her arms around Carth's neck. As much as she wanted to go see her friends before the inevitable split, she wanted to be alone with Carth even more.


	40. Author's Rambling

**Author's Rambling**

_

* * *

Promise…_ The little one-shot that could. I had written just chapter one for the scene was stuck in my head, and I wanted to put it down on paper (typed in word?) so it would stop driving me crazy. Then it became a pointless everyone-crammed-on-the-ship-and-driving-each-other-crazy story. Yet somewhere around the Star Forge chapters a plot developed, and I began to wish the beginning chapters had a plot… like, an actual plot, not a time-filler to get to the Star Forge. Oops? 

Before I dive into the usual "Here's what I did, Here's what I wanted to do, Yes there will be a sequel" which most authors do, there's something I want to say about this incredible game. One of my favorite things about KOTOR is how we can all play the same exact game yet have completely different ideas of what Revan was like, who he or she was, what he or she did, and what happened after the game finished. We all know that KOTOR 2 states Revan "disappeared" and features a rather sad Carth. But it's those four years between games that are up for grabs. I love reading how writers have recontextualized these characters, whether I agree with their versions. When I first started reading KOTOR fics, my first reaction sometimes was "Revan would never do that!" only later to realize I was comparing _my_ idea of who Revan is to the author's Revan. Now I read stories and think, "What a neat idea" or "I really like that concept! How come I didn't think of that?" I may not like the story as a whole, but I still find everyone's uniqueness of their Revan fascinating.

So here's my recontextualization of Revan and the crew of the Ebon Hawk. Although the first few chapters pain me, overall I'm happy with the character development. There were so many in the game that it was hard to develop them all. It's sad that some characters (Juhani, T3-M4, Zaalbar, and Bastila) got the short end of the stick. But of the ones I got to play with, it was great.

While playing the game and thinking about the characters, I realized how similar the Ebon Hawk crew was to the crew of Serenity from the show _Firefly_. Like Sheppard Book, Jolee became the mentor and the voice of reason on board the ship. Even though she's not an engineer, Mission fell into the role of Kaylee Fry—always happy, optimistic, and playful. Canderous filled the role of Jayne Cobb so beautifully… minus the orange hat and trusty blaster named Vera. I absolutely love the character "Candy Man" has become. I've had reviews both here and on KOTOR Fan Media where people have argued over his voice verses the in-game voice. I've done my best to follow his personality and in-game voice, but at the same time tried to make "Jaynderous" a developed character. He was definitely one of my favorites to write for… especially the Gizka Stare-Off (which crazyocelot so beautifully turned into a comic strip). And last is Liana Revan Suul, who became River Tam when the Star Forge called out to her. More on Revan later…

The only character that isn't a _Firefly_-inspiration is Carth. True, there are some places where one can argue in-game voice (and there's no doubt that Canderous is right about horniness), but for the most part Carth is unchanged. He's not _as_ emo as he is in the game, especially given the point in which I began the timeline. But he certainly has the emotion of angst down pat.

Now we have Revan… or rather, my version of who Revan is. There's really no character development of Revan in the game other than the dialogue choices and Force Alignment. Sure, you can pick outfits and lightsaber colors, but other than that, there is no solid This Is Who Revan Is. Canderous is developed, Carth is developed, HK-47 is developed… but Revan is the PC with no voice or solid in-game personality.

Using the techniques I learned in my Advanced Creative Writing Seminar, I tried to picture a person who's just learned their entire life was a lie, and how they would react to the news and the change of attitudes of their friends. I pictured her vulnerable to the temptation of the Star Forge, and watched _Serenity_ countless times for inspiration. (Revan did go a little River Tam in places, and I tried to tone it down…) Then I made some character decisions.

I decided that her birth name was Liana Revan Suul to add more drama to the situation. Liana was just a random generated name from KOTOR that I thought sounded pretty… only to later learn it's the name of both a character from _Phantom Menace_ and a planet. (Oops?) Suul is a family name I swiped from another Star Wars character to try and tie my Revan to the original trilogy, much like Admiral Dodonna and various other characters were. And because her last name is Suul, she had to be from Corellia (read _The Courtship of Princess Leia_ for an explanation). There never was a real working theory how Revan's memories came back to her, so I made them subconscious, the only reason I could think as to why they'd come to her. And the flashbacks varied for the purpose of drama and development. Revan had flashbacks from events that happened in the video game, along with flashbacks to her childhood. Young Revan and Malak were so fun to write for…

One of the things I made very certain is the fact that I never gave an exact description of what Revan looked like. The only characteristics I mentioned where she had shoulder-length hair, a little taller than Mission, and bright eyes. I did that on purpose; I wanted the readers to envision their idea of what Revan looks like. I also purposely had outside characters think Revan was a male, and refer to the Sith Lord as he. That was more of a jab to those who believe it's cannon for Revan to be male. (I stand by my statement that until George Lucas himself holds a press conference and announces Revan's sex, Revan can be whomever you want him or her to be. And that's the beauty of the game and character.)

But now the story is over… and a new monstrosity will take its place. As some of you know, November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). My fantastic beta, crazyocelot, _forced_ me to try my hand at writing 50,000 words in 30 days. I decided that instead of a novel, I'd work on the sequel to _Promise_ (which lead to the delay of _Promise_'s final chapter). Although I did not reach 50,000 words (14,737), I did get ten chapters and an actual plot. In fact, the sequel, titled _Broken Promise_, has multiple plotlines and a brand new character—who crazyocelot and Darth Lilias absolutely love. So yay!

I have a list of people and things to thank for helping me with this story. First of all, I have to thank my aforementioned fantastic beta crazyocelot. As her screen name attests to, I drive her crazy with my paranoia ("Is this a good transition?" "Was that reaction earned, you think?" "Did that make sense?), my faith in the chapters ("This sucks. Kill it!"), and my constant nagging ("Did you read my chapter yet?"). Despite wanting to smack me upside the head at times, crazyocelot always manages to pick apart what I've written, find my more interesting typos, and make me laugh with her sarcastic edits. She's an excellent line reader, and one of the most sarcastic people I know. Plus she's always reassuring me that I don't suck, even if I beg to differ. She's also stuck betaing my sequel fic, so please, have pity on her. (As a side note: crazyocelot is not for hire as a beta reader. She's mine. Mwahaha…)

I also have to thank Darth Lilias. She's one of the people that pushed me to make _Promise_ more than a one-shot, and was one of my first beta readers. (She also drew a fantastic picture of a scene from my fan fic!) And like crazyocelot, she listened to some of my ideas, and previewed some scenes from the sequel. Mission is her favorite character, and there are a few Mission scenes I wrote solely for her entertainment, such as Mission taking all her stuff with her on to Admiral Dodonna's ship. She wanted more Mission, and she got it.

Other people I have to thank are:

Jiara—for stepping in and being my fill-in beta while crazyocelot was pregnant with her little nerf. You are incredible, and your plethora of knowledge about KOTOR is unbelievable. Thank you so much!

Meg—for telling me how much she enjoyed the story (even though she's never played the game) and demanding I write more.

Princess Artemis—for the wonderful doodle of Candy and the gizka.

Joss Whedon—for creating Jayne Cobb, Sheppard Book, and all the _Firefly_ characters. It's my goal to be able to write dialogue like this man. He's just so witty!

Author Dave Wolverton—for writing _The Courtship of Princess Leia_, the novel where I "borrowed" Liana's last name (and possible family history) from. (Don't know what I'm talking about? Pick up a copy of the book. It's a great story.)

Author Robert Bausch—for teaching me all his character development tricks in his Advanced Creative Writing Seminar. Best course I ever took, and I'm so happy a published author of numerous books got to teach it, and I got accepted into the course. So my story didn't get published in _The New Yorker_… I tried, and that's all that matters.

Wookieepedia—my main source of reference for the story. I know people say Wookieepedia is both right and wrong on any numerous topics, but it's still better than me making things up.

BioWare—for creating such an outstanding game that I try to hook all my friends on. (Justin's the latest victim. Mwahahahaha!)

X-Play—for giving KOTOR a five out of five and ranking it the second best game for the X-Box of all time. Without that ranking, I would have thought KOTOR was "just another Star Wars game" and most likely passed it over.

I'd also like to thank the following items/things for helping me with this story (and the sequel):

_Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl_ and _Dead Man's Chest _soundtracks

_X-Men The Last Stand_ soundtrack

_Firefly_ and _Serenity_ (both the show/movie and the soundtracks)

All six _Star Wars_ soundtracks

_Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic_ comic book

Last, I'd like to thank all my readers who have read and reviewed every chapter—I love reading the reviews and hearing what you liked and what you didn't. It really does mean a lot, and I can't thank you all enough! As of the publishing of this rambling, _Promise_ has:

303 Reviews

36,519 Hits

73 Favorites

67 Alerts

Thank you all so much!

I'm sure there are people and things I'm forgetting to thank, and for that I'm sorry. I'll catch you the next time around!

Thank you all again for reading and supporting this little story. It really does mean a lot, and I hope those of you who have enjoyed _Promise_ will also enjoy the aforementioned sequel, which should be making its way here soon… as soon as I nag crazyocelot…

ttfn

Lady Revan

December 9, 2006


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